Two Hearts Beat as One
by zeewriter
Summary: After being left at the altar by Edward, Bella begins a new life, but is always left wondering what could have been. Will true love prevail years later? AH, Very OOC, M for language and future lemons. Bella & Edward with some Bella & Zafrina femslash
1. Prologue: So Cruel

**A/N: So I was dreaming about Edward and Bella… yes I know, I have a sick obsession, but my dream was an interesting one so I decided I would write it down before I forgot and continue it the story. This is the start of it. Enjoy, review, critique, the usual… **

**EDIT: The first chapters are being beta'd by ARenee363, I will repost as they come back. Here's the first new and improved chapter.**

**As usual, Twilight and all characters belong to S. Meyer. I would be rich otherwise…

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**Prologue – So Cruel**

_**BPOV**_

The aisle was lined with gardenias and hydrangeas. My parents sat in the first pew, my mother dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. We stood at the front of the church facing each other, hand-in-hand. I was in my white gown and baby blue bow; Edward was in his light gray tuxedo and matching baby blue vest. All eyes were on us, some with tears of joy, others smiling, all waiting in anticipation.

"Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take this man, Edward, to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the priest asked.

"I do." The smile on my face was miles wide. I was finally marrying the love of my life. I thought I saw Edward grimace, but I figured it was just nerves.

"Do you, Edward Anthony Cullen, take this woman, Isabella, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Silence.

I raised my brows and gently squeezed his hands, prodding him to answer, but nothing came. I could feel his heart beating rapidly through his palms. He stared at me and that was when I saw the fear. Emmett nudged Edward from behind so he could respond. _Nothing._

"Edward," the priest started, "we need an answer, son."

"I…I don't know." There was a loud gasp from the audience.

My mouth dropped in shock. "What?" I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I had to have heard wrong. He wanted to marry me, there was no way he would change his mind.

"I don't know."

"No…" I was shaking my head. "What do you mean, 'I don't know?' That's not an option. It's yes or no." The tears were starting to fall from my eyes.

"Bella, baby, please don't cry." His face was torn with anguish.

"What the hell, Edward? Everyone's waiting for you. Don't fuck this up now?" Rose chimed in from behind me.

"Bella, can we go somewhere and talk?"

"No," I said firmly. "I think you've embarrassed me enough by not giving an answer. Whatever you have to say can be said in front of everyone." I was sure it couldn't get any worse. I could, from the corner of my eye, see my father fuming with rage.

"Bella…" he started. "I can't marry you. Not yet. Not today."

"Why not?" I questioned through gritted teeth.

"Please. I love you totally and completely, but I'm not ready for this and I'm definitely not ready after what I did to you. I don't deserve you."

"Did to me?" I was confused. I'd never had a problem with Edward. He was the perfect man in every way. He loved me unconditionally and he was the greatest lover in the world. "What did you do to me?"

"Ummm…well…" His eyes shifted around the room, trying to avoid my angry glare.

"Oh, just spit it out already, Edward," Rose demanded.

"I slept with Tanya…and with Lauren."

I took me a moment to register what happened next, but the stinging in my hand told me that I just slapped Edward across the face, staggering him back.

"When the hell was this?" I thought back to all the nights he worked late. I had trusted him; he told me he only had eyes for me. "How many times?" I seethed.

He was stunned into silence.

"Answer me!!!"

"A couple of times. It was those times that I told you I was working double shifts."

"All of those times? That's more than a couple."

"No," he answered sheepishly, "just the past few months. I was scared of losing you. I didn't think I was good enough for you. I never meant for this to happen…"

Before I could say anything, Jacob leapt up from a few rows back and lunged for Edward. Before Edward could get out of the way, Jacob punched him.

"Jacob! Stop!"

"Fuck him, Bella. He hurt you. He doesn't deserve any mercy. He certainly doesn't deserve you. You should have married me like you were supposed to and this wouldn't be happening," he barked.

"Are you kidding me, Black? You punch me and then make a play for my wife at the same time?" Edward questioned, wiping at the blood at the corner of his mouth with his knuckles. He looked ready to fight.

I looked at Edward incredulously. "Excuse me?" I pushed him. "You're wife?" I pushed him back some more. "You never answered, remember? I am no one's wife and I never will be! I won't be a Black." I glared at Jacob. "And I certainly won't be a Cullen." I turned back to Edward. "I can't believe I was so stupid."

I turned and began walking down the aisle and out of the church.

"Bella! Stop, please! I want to talk about this!" Edward yelled. I ignored him and continued. I took my veil off and dropped it at the door. I took one glance back barely noticing the crowd or the murmurs; my eyes were focused solely on Edward. He was still standing, pleading for me to come back with his eyes. I had no idea what I was going to do with myself. He had been my everything. I was scared and suddenly alone, but I knew I had to get out of there.

The last thing I heard was "I love you" followed by a punch.


	2. Chapter 1: Numb

**A/N: So, some people don't like my Edward. Honestly, I don't like him either right now. He's totally flawed, but the better to redeem himself. It's hard to redeem a perfect Edward. I like reviews though, good or bad, so please keep them coming. :o)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.**

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**Chapter 1 – Numb**

_**BPOV**_

I cried.

I cried my heart out.

I cried for days on end.

I vaguely remembered getting home from the church. Someone removed my gown and shoes. It could have been Alice, maybe Rosalie, or Angela. I was carried into the bathroom; that must have been my father. I was bathed. Renee…only a mother's touch can soothe me while bathing me.

I heard the voices.

"I'm going to personally kill him…"

"I can't believe he would do that to her…"

"They loved each other so much, what went wrong…"

I tuned them all out. I couldn't hear it, not now, not yet. My heart ached for him, for me, for our lost love.

I cried until I had no more tears.

Then I slept.

At least I attempted to sleep. All of my dreams consisted of him and what could have been. Then the nightmares started – of him leaving me, of me finding him with other women and laughing at me. I would wake up only to find that he did leave and those women were probably laughing at my expense.

Then there was nothing…no more tears, no more dreams, no more nightmares. No more us.

Then I really slept for hours and hours…

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_**EPOV**_

What have I done? I just threw my love away, my life…_my everything_.

I watched her walk away. I pleaded with her to stay and talk. I told her I loved her, she only kept walking out of the church.

I wanted to run after her, tell her how sorry I was. I wanted to tell her it was a cruel joke and I didn't mean any of it. I wanted her to forgive me and tell me it was going to be okay, her fingers running through my hair to soothe me as she always did. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her I was ready to be her husband.

Instead I felt a punch and I was staggered backwards falling to the floor like the dirt that I was. I looked up at my attacker, my brother, Emmett and he was poised to beat the shit out of me.

I heard the shouting, but nothing prepared me for the onslaught of the words that came from my own brother.

"You piece of shit! How could you do that to her?" He screamed at me. "I can't even defend you from this. I don't WANT to defend you. Bella was like a sister to me. She would have been if you didn't fuck it up."

"Em…"

"Fuck you! I hope you rot in hell. You don't deserve anything better." He walked away, too, my other lifeline.

I glanced at everyone's faces. The death glares coming from my every last one of them, from my family to Bella's to all of the guests. Black…he was gloating, standing there looking smug as if he just won the biggest prize on the planet. He had been patiently waiting for me to make a mistake and now he got it.

"I can't call you my son anymore. You've totally disappointed me. You let the whole family down. If you weren't my own flesh and blood, I would…I don't know what I would do with you. You're not worth the time or effort." Carlisle, my father, ever the level-headed one even cut me deep.

I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't hear anymore.

I stood up and fled. I fled to our meadow surrounding myself with all the good memories that it brought back. Bella's beauty against the green, the laughs we shared, her beautiful smile…they were all gone. All that was left were my thoughts.

It started raining. I welcomed it with open arms. I wanted to be cleansed. I wanted the monster in me that destroyed everything good in my life to be washed away.

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_**BPOV**_

I woke up feeling completely drained, hoping that the last few days didn't happen, but judging by how tight my chest felt I knew I was wrong.

I lay in bed, looking at the ceiling, wondering what went wrong…wondering how it all ended so fast.

_Don't blink or you'll miss it._

I must have blinked too many times because I totally missed it. I had trusted him and just like that, that one blink, and all the trust was gone. _Adios, Sayonara, Arrivederci…Bye bye_.

There was a soft rap on the door before it was opened. I looked up to see my best friend, my almost sister-in-law, Alice peeking through the door.

"You're awake," she whispered. I gave her a slight nod in response. "How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted." My voice was raspy from all the crying. "But, I'll be okay."

She sat on the bed next to me as I lifted myself into a sitting position.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry." She lunged forward and encircled me in her arms.

"No, don't be sorry, it's not your fault," I said not letting her go.

She pulled back and searched my eyes. "You're right, but I just wished I had seen this coming. I can always predict what's going to happen, but this just came out of left field."

I shrugged. "Your magic can't always work," I said giving her a small smile.

"Edward…" I flinched at the sound of his name. "He should have known better. It's totally uncharacteristic of him."

"Well, it's done. He did what he did and it's over now."

Alice looked down at our entwined hands. "What are you going to do now?"

I sighed. "I'm not sure yet, but I do eventually need to get my stuff out of the apartment. I guess I can put everything into storage. I just don't want to face him right now."

She patted my hands and looked at me. "We're here for you. Emmett and Jasper will help you move your things when you're ready."

"Thank you."

"It's what friends are for," she said giving me another hug. "Are you ready to get out of bed? I think your muscles may have atrophied you've been lying there for so long."

"Funny, Alice." I said, but I couldn't help but smile at Alice's attempt at a joke.

We made our way downstairs to the kitchen where Renee and Rosalie were talking, standing by the counter.

"Bella, baby, how are you feeling?" My mother came to me and drew me into a hug.

"I'm okay, mom. As good as I can be anyway."

Rosalie came over and also hugged me. "We were worried about you. Esme and Carlisle have called everyday to check on you. Emmett and Jasper came over a few times as well. Do you want me to call and let them know you're okay?"

I nodded. "Yes, I would appreciate it. I don't know if I could talk to Esme or Carlisle yet."

"We're all on your side, Bella. Carlisle practically disowned the bastard for what he did and Emmett damn near beat the shit out of him." My eyes widened in shock. "Don't worry, he didn't, but I was hoping he would. That moron deserved it."

"How…how is he?" Curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know.

Rose shrugged. "No one really knows for sure. No one has spoken to him. We've barely seen him. Carlisle has seen him at the hospital though. He says that Ed…that he looks like he hasn't slept in days, totally run down."

I wasn't sure if I was happy to hear he was suffering as much as I was or not. A part of me was jumping for joy that he was in pain, but another part was hoping he was doing ok. I always hated seeing him stressed or unhappy. _Get a grip girl; he dumped you at the altar_.

"So what are your plans now?" Rose asked.

"Alice asked the same thing before. I don't know. The only thing I know is that I will need to move out of our apartment. But I don't want to go over there yet."

"Well…" Rose started, "if you need help with anything, you know you can come to us."

"Thank you both," I said glancing to two my friends. "You guys have been my rock, my support. I love you guys."

"We love you, too." Alice and Rose wrapped their arms around me for a group hug.

"Bella…" I turned to my mother who was holding today's mail. "This just came for you." She handed me an envelope.

I looked at the return address. _University of Pennsylvania_. I tore it open and read the contents.

"What does it say?" Alice inquired trying to peek over my shoulder.

"Apparently, I'm being offered a teaching position in their English department."

"Isn't that Ivy League?" Rose asked.

"Yes."

"I don't remember you applying for any jobs outside of Washington, Bella," my mother added.

"I didn't. It says here that they heard about my good work at UW as a teaching assistant and want to make me an associate professor."

"Bella, that's so exciting!" Alice exclaimed.

"That's awesome, Bella." Rose chimed in. "So you're taking it right?"

"I…I don't know," I hesitated. "I need to think about it…"

"What is there to think about? The one thing that could have held you up ditched you at the altar. This would be a good way to start over for you." Leave it to Rosalie to be direct and to the point.

"Honey, she's right," my mother said, placing an arm around my shoulders. "You don't have to worry about me or your father. We'll be fine. This could really be good for you."

I would be moving across the country, away from Forks, away from my family, but I would be putting the much needed distance between me and him. I would miss everyone, but I had to agree, it would be a good start.

"Yes," I announced. "I'm taking it."

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**A/N: And there she goes…next chapter is almost done, so it'll be up shortly.**


	3. Chapter 2: Another Time, Another Place

**A/N: Yes, I still hate Edward and I'm sure some of you are as well. Will I ever give him a break? Eventually, I suppose. Let's see what Bella is up to these days though. Reviews, critiques are always welcome, good, bad or indifferent. :o) I love you guys!!!**

**As always, I do not own Twilight or the characters, just a full belly from eating too much Moroccan food.**

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**Chapter 2 – Another Time, Another Place**

**One Year Later - 2005**

_**BPOV**_

"Have you spoken to him?"

"Is there a reason for me to do so?"

"He's still devastated you know."

"And that's my problem because…"

"Bella, he's hurting."

"As he should be…"

"Bells…"

"You know, I'm surprised that you, my own father, would try to defend him. Are you forgetting what he did to me? On our wedding day? In front of everyone?"

"Just…"

"No, dad, I won't and thanks for making this a shitty day for me."

"I'm sorry."

"I'll talk to you later, I have class now."

I hung up the phone, leaning my head into my hands. I just couldn't believe that my father would stir up those memories again. I wanted to move past the heart break. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible. _Him_…I couldn't even say his name.

There was a knock on the door.

"Professor Swan?"

"Yes," I answered, composing myself.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?"

"Not at all, Luis. How can I help you?"

"I had a question regarding the assignment you gave us. I'm having some difficulty imagining how Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy don't end up together in the end."

"Well, that's the whole point of the assignment. It's all hypothetical and I want to see how well you guys can keep them apart. What issues could transpire between them? It could be cheating, it could be children, or it could even be a death – one of theirs perhaps. Use your imagination."

"I see. I guess that helps somewhat. Thanks."

"Sure. See you in class tomorrow."

I gathered my papers and headed down to my classroom when I was stopped.

"Miss Swan?" I turned to the voice.

"Hello, Professor Crowley," I said hurriedly.

"How many times do I have to tell you, just call me Tyler?"

"Right. Tyler. I'm in a bit of a hurry. Can I help you with something?"

"I was wondering if you would have dinner with me tonight," he asked looking down to the floor.

I huffed. "Tyler, you've asked me a dozen times and each time my answer is no. When are you going to stop?"

"I'll stop when you say yes." I rolled my eyes. "Look. I'm not asking for the world, just a simple dinner to get know each other better."

"Fine," I said in resignation. "Pick me up at 7."

"Great! I need your address." He is not coming to my place.

"You know, I'm going to be here late grading papers, so you can just pick me up in front of the building."

He clapped his hands in excitement. "Sounds good. I'll see you then." He walked off with an added bounce to his step.

I really had nothing against Tyler. He was handsome, average height with dark wavy height, but I was not ready to deal with men yet. I did realize I had to move on though, so I might as well start now. I knew I would never fall in love again. As much as I hated to admit it, my broken heart still belonged to him.

"Alright class, as noted in your syllabus, we will begin the tragedy that is Romeo and Juliet today." I heard some groans in the room.

"I thought that would be covered in Shakespeare's Romances," one student smarted.

"Cute, did you forget that the main characters die in the end? I don't see anything romantic in that, therefore, it's a tragedy. So we will be focusing on their death and all factors leading up to their demise, and not their love."

Another student raised her hand. "But wasn't it their love that led them to their death? How can we not talk about love when it was so integral to their end?"

"I didn't say we weren't going to talk about it, I said it wasn't going to be the main focus. We had the family rivalry to consider and of course the other man, Paris. So let's begin…"

I split the class into groups, each one discussing factors to the untimely death of our tragic characters. In all honesty, I didn't want to talk about love, it was completely overrated. Today, of all days especially, I did not want to talk about it. October 18…I would have been celebrating my one year anniversary, instead I am across the country teaching and he's doing god knows what…or who.

As the students worked, I thought back to my last encounter with him.

_Edward stood in the doorway waiting for me to let him in._

"_Please let me in."_

"_I tried that already. It didn't go so well."_

"_Bella, I love you, please don't do this to me," he pleaded._

"_Do this to you?" I asked incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"_

"_Come on, you couldn't even tell me that you were leaving? I had to find out when I see my brother and best friend packing up all of your things? Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Really? I have to tell you everything? Bit of a double standard don't you think? I thought we did pretty well keeping secrets from each other, why stop now?"_

_He sighed. "It's not the same. You're moving away. You're moving three thousand miles away from me. You can't do this to me," he continued with his pleas._

"_You're right, Edward. It's not the same. I never lied to you. I never cheated on you. I never said I loved you to your face and then go fuck someone else," I seethed._

"_It was just once…"_

"_It was twice, with two different women. Well, at least I think it was only twice, you did have a lot of double shifts," I scoffed._

"_It didn't mean anything," he whispered._

"_Obviously it did or else you wouldn't have left me out to dry on our wedding day."_

"_I didn't leave you to dry, you ran away, just like you're running away now instead of trying to make us right again."_

_I glared at him trying not to rip his head off. "You have some fucking nerve trying to put our break up on me. Get. Out. I never, ever want to see your face again," I yelled stifling the tears that were about to betray me._

_I slammed the door in his face and slid down, crying again for the man that I wanted to love with all my heart._

_The next day I headed to the airport. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett were all there to bid me farewell. I walked through security and turned to wave goodbye to my friends one more time. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure running. _Edward_. I locked eyes with him. The tears started flowing again._

"_I love you," I mouthed to him and then turned my back on my past._

"Professor Swan?" I was snapped back to the present. "Are you okay?" I realized tears were flowing down my face. I wiped them off.

"Yes. Everything's fine." I looked up at the clock and saw that class was almost finished. "Class, we'll finish this discussion next meeting. Have a good weekend." I gathered my books and briefcase and headed back to my office.

For the next few hours, I buried myself in my work, grading papers and going over lesson plans for my classes. I hadn't noticed the time until there was a knock on my door. I looked up to see Tyler waiting for me.

"Oh, Tyler, I'm sorry. I lost track of time," I said a little flustered.

"No worries. I had a feeling, you would be here, so I came up to rescue you from the dungeons of Bennett Hall," he joked.

I chuckled. "Thanks, much appreciated."

"So, do you want to take my car or yours?" he asked as we walked out of the building.

"Why don't we take our own cars? I'll follow you and then this way you won't be inconvenienced with driving me here or vice versa."

"Ummm…sure," he said with a flash of disappointment in his eyes. "We can do that. In case I lose you though, we're going to Cuba Libre down by Penn's Landing."

"Cool. I like Cuban food." I proceeded to my car which was parked a few spaces from Tyler's. I knew he was disappointed about not going in the same car, but I was not ready to be in such tight, close proximity to another man. I admit that I still didn't trust men. How could I after what happened to me? At the same time, what better way to celebrate what could have been by going on a date? I need to move on some time, right? That's my new mantra…_Move on_.

We arrived at the restaurant fairly quickly. When we were at the door, I was in front so I opened it and Tyler walked in. _Okay, not much of a gentleman_. Edwa…He always held the door open for me.

Tyler approached the hostess and asked for a table for two.

"Anything for you," she replied obviously taken in by Tyler's looks. Gross. She led us to the table and winked at him. Tyler actually winked back! I shook my head in disbelief.

The waitress came by for our order. I knew Tyler was good-looking, but nothing like _him_, yet these women were baiting him and he was biting. I rolled my eyes at every innuendo that passed between Tyler and the waitress. I was completely ignored.

Once the food was placed in front of us, Tyler finally noticed me again.

"So, did you come out on a date with me or did you come to flirt with other women?" I asked him showing no emotion.

"Oh, babe, are you getting jealous?" he snickered.

"Not remotely," I stated taking a bite of my dinner.

He reached over and put his hand on top of mine, rubbing circles on it. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just some mindless flirting. It doesn't mean anything."

"I've heard that before," I murmured under my breath, pulling my hand back. "Let's finish and head home. I'm getting tired anyway."

"Sure thing, whatever you want to do."

We finished eating and Tyler paid the bill. We walked back to our cars and before I could put the key in the door, Tyler pushed me against my door and roughly kissed me.

"Oh, Isabella…I've wanted to do this since I first met you."

I did the first thing that came to mind. I kneed him in his balls.

"What the fuck?" he screamed doubled over in pain.

"Seriously, Tyler? What made you think I would want to kiss you?"

"I thought you wanted it. Come on, you were getting jealous and everything inside," he continued through clenched teeth, still clutching at his family jewels.

"I told you I was not jealous. I don't care about you or even like you in that way. This is exactly why I haven't dated. You men are all dogs, humping the first thing you see. Can any of you keep it in your pants?"

I only heard grunts and pants in return.

"Look, I won't say anything at school, just do me a favor and don't bother me anymore. I'm done with you and the entire male species."

I opened my car door and climbed in, starting the ignition. I slammed down on the steering wheel in frustration, jumping in my seat as the car horn blared out loudly. I drove off leaving Tyler behind.

"Happy Anniversary..."

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**A/N: Go figure that as I write the last line, Tony! Toni! Toné!'s "Anniversary" begins to play on my iTunes. Freaky. Next chapter will be up probably tomorrow. I'm almost done with it. It'll be Eddie's POV. I'll also update Due To a Stalled Train soon as well.**


	4. Chapter 3: Gone

**A/N: Not much to say right now. Here's a little Edward for you, don't know if you'll start to like him or not, I don't blame you if you don't.**

**I don't own Twilight, it owns me…**

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**Chapter 3 – Gone**

_**EPOV**_

I looked down at my phone as my finger hovered over the talk button. I had debated over and over whether I should call her. Alice had given me her number a few days earlier after much begging. I haven't been in anyone's good graces since the wedding. A year later and everyone seemed to still hate me…as they should.

I wanted to make amends though. I missed her. I loved her. I was completely devastated when I found out she was leaving and moving to Pennsylvania. I was even more so when she hadn't been the one to tell me. She despised me so much; she had to send Emmett, Alice and Jasper to pack her belongings.

_I arrived at my apartment after a long shift at the hospital. There was a small moving van in front of the building. I hadn't heard of anyone moving in or out, but then again I was hardly around. When I got to my floor, I noticed the boxes along the wall in the hallway. Then I saw Emmett with a box coming out of my apartment._

"_Emmett, what the hell is going on?" Before he could answer Jasper came out, followed by Alice. "Is Bella here?" I asked my voice tinged with hope. "Let me talk to her." I pushed through to enter my place._

"_She's not here Edward," Alice answered annoyed._

"_Where is she? Why are you guys packing up my stuff?"_

"_She's at her father's and we're packing _her_ stuff, not yours. She asked us to do it because she couldn't face you and, honestly, I don't blame her."_

"_Is she moving back to Forks? What about her job here?" I continued with the questioning. Alice glanced at Jasper who then looked to Emmett. I glared at the three of them. "What is going on?" I couldn't contain my anger anymore._

_Jasper spoke up. "Bella's leaving. She's leaving Washington."_

_I was confused now. "What do you mean she's leaving?"_

"_She was offered a better job…"_

"_Where?" I pinched the bridge of my nose; I was getting tired of these short vague answers._

_Alice chimed in. "She's going to Pennsylvania. She was offered a position as Associate Professor in the English department at UPenn."_

"_But she wasn't looking for work…"_

"_How would you know? You were too busy fucking other women," Emmett growled out._

"_Emmett…" Jasper warned._

"_No. Fuck that. He may be my little brother, but he needs to know how totally fucked up he is. I wouldn't even have said anything to him Alice."_

"_Well, it's too late for that and it is a good thing that he knows now. He can see that she's moving on…without him."_

"_Hello…I'm still in the room," I said sitting down on the couch. "I can't believe she's leaving me. When does she leave?"_

"_In two days." I snapped my head up._

"_What? She was just going to disappear like that without telling me, without giving me a chance?"_

"_Do you really think you deserve better?"_

"_Yes, damn it! We were supposed to get married, we love each other."_

"_Could have fooled me," Emmett muttered._

"_Shut up Em, you're not helping," Alice hissed._

_I jumped up with new determination and walked to the door._

"_Where are you going?" Emmett inquired._

"_I'm going to see Bella. I'm going to tell her to stay. She can't leave me…she can't leave us behind."_

_Alice shook her head. "Good luck."_

_**~*~**_

_Bella opened the door looking radiant as always. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her everything was going to be all right, but she wasn't budging, she wasn't letting me in._

"_Please let me in."_

"_I tried that already. It didn't go so well."_

"_Bella, I love you, please don't do this to me," I pleaded, my hands reaching to her._

"_Do this to you? Are you kidding me?" I flinched at her the harshness of her tone._

"_Come on, you couldn't even tell me that you were leaving? I had to find out when I see my brother and best friend packing up all of your things? Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Really? I have to tell you everything? Bit of a double standard don't you think? I thought we did pretty well keeping secrets from each other, why stop now?" I knew she was talking about my cheating on her, but I wasn't planning on leaving her ever._

_I sighed. "It's not the same. You're moving away. You're moving three thousand miles away from me. You can't do this to me," I sounded desperate._

"_You're right, Edward. It's not the same. I never lied to you. I never cheated on you. I never said I loved you to your face and then go fuck someone else."_

"_It was just once…" I knew I was lying to her, I had been with Tanya a few times and Jessica once, but I couldn't get myself to tell her that and hurt her more._

"_It was twice, with two different women. Well, at least I think it was only twice, you did have a lot of double shifts," she spat out._

"_It didn't mean anything." It truly didn't. I can't even think right now of the reason I gave in to their temptation._

"_Obviously it did or else you wouldn't have left me out to dry on our wedding day." _What? I didn't leave her at the altar, she ran away. I wanted to make things right between us and talk to her.

"_I didn't leave you to dry, you ran away, just like you're running away now instead of trying to make us right again." I was angry now, which was not what I wanted. _How did this go so horribly wrong? When you decided to put your dick in someone other than the woman you love_._

"_You have some fucking nerve trying to put our break up on me. Get. Out. I never, ever want to see your face again." _

_She slammed the door before I could say anything. I leaned against it for a moment, hearing her sobs through the door. What I would give to be able to hold her and console, be the best friend that she needed._

_I drove around for the rest of the day and night. I didn't know what to do anymore. The love of my life was leaving me for good. My world was shattered. I had to think of a way to get her back, to stay with me and work things out. Yes, I totally messed up everything so that left me with the responsibility of fixing it. It wasn't her fault._

_After driving around through the night, I called Alice._

"_Alice…" I started when she picked up, "I need your help."_

"_If this is about Bella, you're too late. Her flight leaves in two hours." That was all I needed to know._

"_Thanks Alice." I hung up and headed to the airport._

_I had a feeling that the gang would go to the airport and say goodbye to her. I didn't know which airline she was flying so I drove around the terminals until I spotted Alice's yellow Porsche. Perfect. I slid my car into a spot and ran inside._

_I was too late. _

_Bella was already on the other side of security. We locked eyes, I saw her crying again. Then she stopped and mouthed to me the three words that gave me hope. "I love you." Then she turned away._

_I looked at Alice. "I told you were too late. It's for the best, Edward."_

My finger was still hovered over the talk button. I can't do this, not today.

"Dr. Cullen, there you are," I heard from behind me. "What are you doing hiding in the stairwell?"

"Hey Angela, what's going on?" I asked turning around to face her.

"Esme is here. She's been looking for you. She's waiting in your office."

"Thanks," I smiled back only to get daggers in return. Angela was Bella's friend and she saw firsthand the destruction I caused a year ago. She has not forgiven me, but, because she's a nurse here at Seattle West, she has to deal with me.

I walked past her to the stairway door, but was stopped by her words.

"Happy Anniversary," she said quietly. I continued through the door to my office. No one will ever let me forget what I did.

"Mom!" It was good to see her. Though she hated everything that happened, she was still on my side. She loved Bella just as much as I did and wanted the best for us.

"Edward, dear," she hugged me. "How's my son doing today?"

"I'm holding up…" I replied. Trying to deflect the subject from Bella, I asked her what her plans were for the day.

"Not much…" she began. "I'm waiting for your father to get out of the board meeting. They are deciding the next chief of staff* you know," she winked at me. I knew I was a shoe-in for the position, but I wasn't particularly excited about it today.

"Right, I remember that." I took in my mother's appearance. "Dad taking you out somewhere nice?" My mother looked fabulous. Her hair caramel hair was getting lighter from age, a few silver streaks coming through. Her hazel eyes, though, still sparkled with happiness. She was wearing a simple black dress with sequins at the hem that hit just below her knees.

"Oh…yes. We're just going out for dinner," she responded nervously.

"What's the occasion?"

"Nothing," she answered quickly.

"Sounds like you're hiding something," I looked at her expectantly knowing that she hates keeping secrets from me.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. We're going out to celebrate our marriage."

I scrunched my brows. "But it's not your anniversary…" Then it dawned on me. They were celebrating their happy marriage on the day that I should have been celebrating my own. My father was rubbing the mistakes I made in my face. "That's kind of messed up, mom."

"I know darling, but it was at your father's insistence. I didn't think it was right."

I shushed her with a wave of my hand. "I know dad still resents me for what happened. It's okay. Enjoy yourselves."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Everything will work out Edward. I promise." She reached over and caressed my cheek. I leaned into her hand and nodded.

"I hope so. I miss her so much. A day doesn't go by that I don't beat myself up for what I did to her. She didn't deserve it. I don't deserve her."

"Well no one ever said that love was easy. There is no simple path to true love. You two are taking the long convoluted way but it will end the same way. You will be together eventually; it's just going to take longer than you had anticipated."

"But it was so easy for you and dad."

"Actually it wasn't." I looked at her in surprise. "I was the other woman. I was the other pregnant woman." I was stunned. I knew that my mother had been pregnant with Emmett before my parents were married, but this new revelation shocked me.

"I don't understand. I thought you guys were always together and happy."

"We loved each other yes, but your father was engaged to someone else. We had taken precaution, but when something is meant to be, it just happens. I had told Carlisle that I could take care of the baby on my own. My family had money; I had money from my business, so I wasn't worried. I didn't want to be the cause of his breakup, but he loved me. He didn't want to leave me and he didn't want our baby to be without a father. He broke off the engagement. He never told her the real reason why he did; at least I don't think he did. We had a small ceremony a month before Emmett was born and we've been together since."

There was silence in the room as I digested everything my mother told me.

"So, you're telling me that dad was a cheat as well and he left the woman he was engaged to so he could be with you. I take after him a lot then." I shook my head. "And he has the nerve to be angry with me."

"The only thing you have in common with him is that you both cheated, he didn't love his fiancé. That was essentially an arranged societal marriage. He's disappointed in you only because he had hoped for more from you. He knows how much you love Bella; he just couldn't understand why you did what you did to her."

"I have no real explanation for it either. I had moments of weakness. I was scared."

"Are you still scared?" I shook my head. "Then it will work out. You'll figure things out eventually and when you do explain things to her, be sure you have a better reason than 'I was scared,'" she chuckled softly.

"Thanks, mom... I needed that."

"I know. It's why I'm here. You'll be happy with her one day."

Yes, one day…we'll be happy.

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**A/N: Still hate him? Yes? Figures. It's hard to forgive a cheater. *I'm not sure if there is a chief of staff at a hospital, but I liked the sound so I wrote it in. Sue me later if I'm wrong. Lol See you soon!**


	5. Chapter 4: Lady with a Spinning Head

**A/N: OK. So it seems I lost a few fans with this story. I honestly, don't care. This is fiction after all, and it's my fiction. I know this Edward is hard to swallow, but the backlash I received truly was unnecessary. Nonetheless, I continue with my story.**

**As I mentioned in my other story, things have been hectic for me in real life. I thought I would have an update when I got back from vacation, but the only thing that happened was some time in the hospital. So of course, this all just gave me some huge writer's block. I'm back though and I hope you like.**

**Also, I realized I made a booboo in my last chapter. In Edward's POV, I wrote that he was with Tanya and Jessica; I meant to write Tanya and Lauren. I've corrected that now. Sorry for the confusion! Here's more of Edward and the beginning of the back story.**

**As always, Twilight and all characters belong to Ms. Meyer. I own some hospital bills…

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**Chapter 4 – Lady with a Spinning Head**

_**EPOV**_

Things were going horribly wrong for me. First, I lost Bella and then I didn't get the chief of staff position. My father came down shortly after his board meeting to hand me the bad news personally.

_I was sitting in my office after my mother left thinking of what I could do to fix things with Bella. She was my life and I totally ruined it for both of us. What the hell was I thinking being with those two girls? I didn't even like them or care about them in any way. This went beyond a moment of weakness, too._

_I shook my head at the thoughts just as my father walked in._

"_Edward…" he started._

"_Dad, give me the good news," I said giving him my best smile._

_He looked down to the floor, his face changing. He was nervous about something._

"_Edward, you didn't get the promotion."_

_I stared at him with shock written all over my face. "But…you said… I don't understand…" I shook my head in disbelief._

"_Yes, I know what I said, but when I went in to that meeting I realized you weren't ready for the job yet."_

"_What?!" I yelled. "What do you mean? What did you tell the board?" My father betrayed me. I couldn't believe it._

_He sighed. "I told them the truth. You weren't ready for the responsibility. You are great at what you do, but you are still too young. You're only twenty-eight. A few more years under your belt will be good for you. You've only been chief resident for just under six months."_

"_That shouldn't matter…" he raised his hand to stop me._

"_It does matter. The only reason you were even made chief resident was due to the fact that you threw yourself into your work because of what happened between you and Bella. The board felt bad for you and thought they could help with the promotion. In reality, you still have haven't really proven that you're capable of such a huge step. And besides," he paused, "you could use a little humility in your life."_

_Gut punch, just what I needed. I wondered if he was talking about the job or my relationship with Bella. I still couldn't believe my own father sold me out. He couldn't even back me up in my promotion, or lack thereof, now. But then again, I couldn't blame him either._

"_I'm sorry…" I waved his apology off._

"_No need to apologize. I see where I stand with you. You had every right to let them know. I know you're still punishing me for what I did to Bella. I deserve it," I stated flatly._

"_Well, you still have a lot of learning and growing to do. I know your mother told you about our situation. It wasn't my proudest moment but I learned. You will, too." He reached out for a handshake._

"_Thanks, dad." I shook his hand. "Have fun with mom tonight."_

"_If I were you, I would go back to the beginning and see where along the way you messed up. You took Bella for granted, but that didn't start with your indiscretions. Think about it. You might find the answers that you need to get everything set right again."_

Go back to the beginning. I have loved Bella from the moment I saw her…

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_**1994 – Senior Year of High School**_

It was the first day of school and I was sitting in my Volvo waiting for classes to start. I had arrived early so I could scope out the girls for this year. I had also heard we would be getting a new transfer student, the chief of police's daughter. Nobody had seen her since she showed up in our little town; hopefully, I'll get a glimpse of her before everyone else did.

The other students began to trickle into the school parking lot. I recognized everyone from the previous years, but saw no one new. Maybe she chickened out. Classes were starting in ten minutes so I got out of my car and joined the throngs of students. I spotted my sister, my twin, Alice, making out with Jasper. Those two were attached at the lips, hips and anywhere else they could get their hands on.

"Hey Eddie!" How I fucking hated that name. I turned to the voice and saw Jessica bounding towards me. "Eddie! I missed you!" she screeched, hugging me tightly. I pulled her arms from me.

"Hey Jess."

She pouted at me. "What's the matter? You haven't called in weeks. I thought after… you know…you would have tried to keep in touch."

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just busy." I had to lie to the girl. She gave me great head, but I couldn't stand to be around her otherwise. She couldn't hold a conversation to save her life and I would just rather keep her mouth occupied with something else.

Before she could say anything else, a red truck came sputtering into the parking lot. _Geez, that couldn't be good for the environment._

"Oh! She's here! Bella's here!" I looked at Jessica.

"Wait, you know her?"

"Yes. My father is on the force, remember?" I nodded. "So we went over to her house when she moved in to help her feel at home. She's cute, nothing like me though, but definitely has potential." I rolled my eyes. Jessica was cute, in that fake, California way. "I'm going to say hi, want to come with?" _Finish the sentence, damn it._

"No. It's okay. I'm going to head to class. I'll catch you later."

Honestly, any girl that could stand being friends with Jessica was not worth my time. Well, maybe she could be put on rotation, but it was hard keeping up with the girls now.

"Oh, well, see ya then." She turned and ran towards the red truck and I headed to my first class.

I walked in to my Spanish class and found a seat towards the back. I didn't pay much attention to the lecture, but I did hear this Bella's name thrown around by a few people. I could hear Mike talking about her to Eric.

"I caught a glimpse of her, definitely a hottie." Mike thought anything with two legs and a twat was hot.

My next three classes were pretty much the same. Boring lectures, lots of talk of the new girl. She couldn't be that intriguing, but she was the shiny new toy in this small town.

Lunch came around and I saw at my usual table with Alice and Jasper. My older brother, Emmett, and his girlfriend, Rosalie, graduated the year before, bringing our group down to just the three of us. Every so often, the fling of the day would join, but usually for about two minutes before we ended up in the janitor's closet or some other discrete location.

"So, the new girl is in my English class," Alice announced. "She is so adorable. I think you'll really like her, Edward."

I rolled my eyes. "Doubt it. She hangs out with Jessica," I said playing with my food.

"You don't even know her and, besides, it doesn't seem she likes Jessica that much. From what she told me, she was forced on her and she only agreed to hang out with her to make her father happy."

"Your use of pronouns confused me there, Alice."

"Oh, sorry. Bella was basically forced to hang out with Jessica to make Bella's father happy." I shrugged.

"And this concerns me how?"

"Come on!" she whined. "Edward, she seemed really nice and I could really use a new friend now that Rose is gone."

"So make friends with her. Why do you need my approval?" I asked testily.

Alice huffed. "You're impossible. It's a good thing she's not sitting with us."

My head shot up. "You invited her to sit with us?"

She nodded. "She's sitting with Jessica though. She promised this morning and felt bad, but she said perhaps tomorrow, so please be on your best behavior."

I groaned. "Whatever, Alice."

"She's over there now at Jessica's table, but you can't really see her. Her back is to us."

I turned around anyway. I saw a cascade of brown locks. I noticed Jessica say something and Bella turned to face me. She blushed and quickly turned back to her table. I had to admit she was cute from what I saw.

"Jasper, you've been awfully quiet. What do you think of this Bella chick?" I asked hoping to get a male perspective.

He shrugged. "No one is like my Alice, but she is definitely a looker." That earned him a kiss from Alice. "She seems smart too. I had her in history. She had mentioned something about being in honors classes back home."

Smart and pretty. Maybe Alice was right, but she was still hanging out with Jessica and the rest of those fools.

"Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough."

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch period. I made it to Biology earlier than expected. The rest of the seats filled up and lucky for me, no one sat next to me. I'll be my own lab partner. I preferred it that way anyway. Five minutes after class began, the door swung opened.

"Sorry, I'm late. I was lost."

"It's okay, just take a seat," Mr. Banner directed. She looked around and made her way to the only available seat, the one next to mine. Her face turned a pale shade of pink as she saw me. She put her head down and brushed her hair forward, no doubt to shield her from me.

I could smell her though. She smelled fantastic, I could eat her up. I leaned over to her to get a better sense of her. _Strawberries. Fucking delicious._

"Okay class. These will be your seats for the remainder of the year, which means the person next to you will be your lab partner for the rest of the year. I'm giving you five minutes to introduce yourselves to each other. Go!"

I turned to face Bella.

"Ummm…hi. I'm Edward Cullen," I said offering my hand.

She took it, barely looking at me. "I know who you are. I'm Isabella Swan."

"So, I've heard. You go by Bella, right?" She nodded in response.

There was silence for a couple of minutes. She never chanced a glance at me once.

"Yeah, so how do you like Forks so far?" I inquired trying to break the ice.

"It's wet," she replied. "Listen," she continued, finally looking at me, "you don't have to be nice to me or anything. I know the type of guy that you are and you don't have to pretend with me. I know I'm not your type, so we'll just leave it as us being lab partners and nothing else. I don't want to ruin anything for you with the other girls."

I was completely dumbstruck. My mouth gaped open as I started at this confusing woman in front of me. What the hell is she talking about?

Before I could ask, Mr. Banner called us back to attention. I figured I would ask her what she meant at the end of class, but as soon as the bell rang, she shot up and out the door.

I totally didn't understand what happened. I barely said two sentences to the girl and she was already telling me how I was. No doubt, someone, probably Jessica, the gossip queen herself, told Bella a few things, but what would make her think she wasn't my type. Admittedly, I didn't have a real type. I usually just went after the easiest girls, who just happened to be the hottest girls. This is totally bizarre.

The rest of my day passed in a daze. All I could think about was Bella, Bella Swan and her wonderful scent. I wanted more of it. I had to remind Alice to be sure she invited Bella to sit with us at lunch tomorrow. I could also get to the bottom of what she meant by her statements.

I went to bed that night dreaming of Bella and her strawberry scent.

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**A/N: So there you have it, the beginning of the back story. What do you think? You know the drill…. Review!**

**There will be more back story… a lot more… next up. Bella….**


	6. Chapter 5: Stranger in a Strange Land

**A/N: Just as I said on my author's note for Due to a Stalled Train Ahead, I am SORRY! It's been hellish the last few weeks dealing with my husband's clots and such. I'm hoping to get on a better schedule, but no guarantees yet. Enjoy the chapter. There isn't too much drama in this chapter. I kept it fairly light. **

**As always review, review review. I love them all, so keep them coming. **

**I love SM, but she does own Twilight and all of its characters, I just own…ummm… I'll get back to you on that.

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**Chapter 5 – Stranger in a Strange Land**

**BPOV**

I have completely sworn off men. After my disastrous date with Tyler, I decided I was not going to deal with another man ever again. This was just getting ridiculous for me. I couldn't take it anymore.

I got home and took a nice hot shower washing away all trace of Tyler. I could ruin him, but that would be a waste of energy. I dried off and put my flannel pajamas on. It was starting to get cool at night and I hated the cold.

I checked my cell phone and saw I had one missed message from Alice.

"_Hey Bella! I miss you so much! Call me. I want to know what you're doing for Thanksgiving this year. Love ya!"_

I dialed her number and she picked up on the second ring.

"Bella!!!" she screamed. I had to hold the phone away from my ear.

"Easy with the eardrums, Ali."

"Sorry, but I've missed you. I haven't spoken to you in ages."

"Yeah, I know. I've been busy with school. Sorry about that."

"Nonsense," she said brushing it off. "I totally understand. So how was your day?"

I knew she was asking because of the significance of the day. I breathed out loudly. "It was okay. I actually had a date."

"Really?! That's awesome. Details please!"

"Not much to tell. He's a co-worker. We went to dinner in separate cars. He didn't hold the door open for me and he forced a kiss on me so I had to knee him to get him away from me."

"Whoa, Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Eh, whatever. Seems my luck with men vanished with Ed…ummm…with him."

"They are more fish in the sea, don't despair. If it helps any, he's not dating. He's become quite the recluse actually. Totally dedicated to his work at the hospital and that's it."

No, it didn't make me feel any better. We were bother suffering for his wrongs and both throwing ourselves in our work. It wasn't healthy.

"Well, I don't care about the sea. I'm thinking of swearing off men for a while anyway."

Alice gasped. "Woman, do not say that." I laughed.

"It's not the end of the world."

"Not yet, it isn't. Anyway, I called for a reason." To check up on me, though she won't admit it. "Thanksgiving."

"What about it?"

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You weren't planning on coming home at all?" she asked sounding shocked.

"Anyplace I could run into him, I am avoiding like the plague," I stated.

"Fine, then we're coming to you. Expect us the day before and we're staying through the whole weekend."

"Ummm…okay. Did you already plan this?" I was shocked myself.

"Yes. I had a feeling you wouldn't be coming home and I don't blame you. So I already went and bought the tickets."

I couldn't help but laugh at my best friend. "You are something else little one."

"Yes, but you love me."

"Yes, yes I do. You are, by far, my favorite Cullen, but don't tell Emmett that." We both giggled.

"Don't worry; your secret is safe with me."

"So who's coming?"

"Just me and Rosalie. It'll be just like old times. The three musketeers."

"I look forward to it. Now if you don't mind. I'm going to sleep. It's eleven here and I have a long day ahead."

"Night Bella!"

"Night, Ali. Send my love to everyone."

"Will do."

I hung up with Alice and started thinking about the good old days.

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_**1994 – Senior Year in High School**_

I hated having to start a new school, especially in my senior year, but my flaky mother wanted to travel the world with her new beau. I love her dearly, but she couldn't have picked the worst possible time.

My father, the Chief of Police in the small town of Forks, wanted to make my welcome as smooth as possible so he did two things. He bought me an old truck, which I so lovingly christened _The Beast_, and he introduced me the town gossip, Jessica Stanley. Loved the truck, could have done without the girl. Whatever, he tried.

I hung out with Jessica and she proceeded to tell me about everyone in school I would be meeting. There was Mike Newton, the so-called cute blonde that she secretly loves; Ben Cheney, who was dating Angela Webb; Eric Yorkie; and the elusive Cullens, Alice and Edward. Alice was dating Jasper Whitlock and Edward was, apparently, the town manwhore who I could forget about because he only liked a particular type of girl. From what I gathered, he likes girls like Jessica. She hinted as much when she told me she had a date with him a few weeks prior.

I also spent time with Jacob. He was a childhood friend from my summer days when I came to visit. My father was best friends with his father and actually bought _The Beast_ from them. Jacob lived on the reservation a few miles away, so he didn't go to Forks High School which totally sucked.

My first day of school was interesting to say the least. I was ambushed by Jessica the moment I arrived and was somehow suckered into sitting with her at lunch.

I met the ball of energy known as Alice in my English class. As tiny and somewhat annoying as she was, I actually liked her. She had asked me to sit with her and her brother at lunch, but I told her I had already promised Jessica. Damn.

I later was introduced to Jasper in History. He calmed me down sensing my nervousness. It seemed everyone was talking about me and it was seriously getting to me. He was cute, too. Lucky Alice.

Lunch finally came around and that's when I first saw him. I could see why he was so wanted by all the girls in school. He was beyond hot.

Jessica had told me he was staring and I turned around. I was met with beautiful green eyes. He looked right at me and, of course, I blushed profusely. I immediately turned back to the table. How embarrassing. I hoped I didn't have him in any of my classes.

Unfortunately, I spoke to soon. I walked into my Biology class and there he was sitting next to the only available seat. I had gotten lost and was late to class. Had I known I would sit next to the Adonis I would have tried a lot harder to get here on time. Damn again.

I quickly sat down and covered my face with my hair. I didn't want him to see me blushing like a fool. Then I heard the worse news. We were going to be partners for the rest of the year. Forget damn. FUCK!

"Ummm…hi. I'm Edward Cullen," he said offering his hand.

I shook his hand, still not looking directly at him. "I know who you are. I'm Isabella Swan."

"So, I've heard. You go by Bella, right?" I nodded.

I continued looking everywhere but at him. I don't think I could have handled it. We didn't say anything for a couple of minutes.

"Yeah, so how do you like Forks so far?" he finally asked.

"It's wet," I replied. "Listen," I finally looked at him, realizing then that I could never have him, "you don't have to be nice to me or anything. I know the type of guy that you are and you don't have to pretend with me. I know I'm not your type, so we'll just leave it as us being lab partners and nothing else. I don't want to ruin anything for you with the other girls."

His mouth dropped, but honestly it was the truth. This was strictly business. We were lab partners and I didn't want anything to get in the way of my work. Or so I told myself. I knew he wouldn't go for plain old me so there was no point in kidding myself otherwise.

Luckily, before he could respond, Mr. Banner called us back to order. As soon as the bell rang, I bolted out of class.

My next and last class was gym, the bane of my existence. I was the clumsiest person I knew and gym was just one big giant hazard zone for me.

Both Jessica and Mike were in class with me. I had met Mike earlier at lunch and he wouldn't stop staring at me, it was unnerving. Not to mention he kept trying to ask me out. This only caused me to get glaring daggers from Jessica.

Mike offered to be on a team with me and I quickly informed him that a team with me is a team of one since I would end up out of commission. He didn't seem to care and he pretty much stared at my ass the whole period. Asshole.

After class, I headed to my truck and Mike was hot on my trail.

"So, Bella, have any plans on Friday?" he asked practically pinning me to my truck.

"No, Mike. For the hundredth time I am not going out with you." I replied pushing him away from me.

He stepped closer again. "Awww come on. It'll be fun. We'll go to the movies or something. I swear it'll be totally innocent." For some reason, I had a hard time believing that.

"Mike, I already said no."

"You're missing out…"

"Michael Newton, get away from Bella this instant!" I turned to my savior only to see Alice standing there in all of her pint size glory. Amazingly enough, Mike backed off.

"We'll talk later." I rolled my eyes and shook my head as he walked away.

"That was impressive, Alice."

She shrugged it off. "Mike's a douche. He tries that move with all the girls here. You learn to deal with it."

"Well, thanks for that anyway," I said pointing my head in the direction he left.

"No problem. You shouldn't have too many problems with him, or with anyone else. If you do, just tell me or Edward."

"Right…Edward…I don't think Edward likes me right now." She looked at me quizzically and I related what happened in Biology.

She started laughing uncontrollably. "I love it!" I raised an eyebrow. "I think you're the first girl to ever talk to him in that fashion. Don't be surprised if you two fall in love."

"I highly doubt that."

"Well, at least I have someone who can help me gang up on him. He won't know what hit him."

And that was the first day of a lasting friendship.

Of course, when I went to bed that night all I could dream about was green eyes and cooper hair.

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**AN: so there's Bella's first day of school. In case you haven't noticed I will be going back and forth in time. **

**I will also, hopefully, be updating every Wednesday, though not until the following week. **

**Show me some love. Review!**


	7. Chapter 6: All I Want Is You

**AN: So this was supposed to come out last week and it didn't. I'm still trying to catch up. Here's a decent size chapter to make up for it though. :o) I know you guys still love me right? RIGHT???? Also, I think I mentioned this before, but there will be a lot of back and forth in time for a while. Sorry for any confusion that this may cause. **

**Shout out to Zhivago3 (she started a new story for the Southern Vampire Mysteries – Sookie Stackhouse). Without her pushing me to write, these chapters would never get done.**

**Keep reviewing. I like them. I LOVE them. They make my insides tingle when I get them.**

**Twilight owns me, I do not own Twilight.

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**Chapter 6 – All I Want Is You**

_**BPOV**_

The next month passed quickly and quietly. Classes were going smoothly; my students weren't bothering me and I think they were actually enjoying writing about something other than lovesick fools. Tyler stopped bothering me or I should say he avoided me at all costs. I was quite relieved.

Alice called periodically to check on me and give status updates for her upcoming visit with Rose. I truly missed those two. Though I knew it was tradition for us to meet every Thanksgiving, it was still nice to know that they still wanted to continue after everything that happened. We were inseparable in high school and throughout college. Rosalie and Alice also helped me through the rollercoaster ride that was Edward Cullen. I should known then things would never work out between us, but I was young, stupid and hopelessly in love.

* * *

_**1994 – Senior Year of High School**_

"Bella and Edward sitting in a tree…"

"God, Alice, are you back in kindergarten?" I asked annoyed that Alice wouldn't let my little slip go.

After our horrible first meeting, it seemed that Edward wasn't that bad of a guy. Alice invited me to sit with her and her brother during lunch and, as it turned out, Edward and I hit it off. He was a great friend, just not one ready to commit to any sort of relationship. He preferred to play the field. Our current conversation centered on the fact that I accidentally let out that I liked him.

"I knew you liked him anyway. I could tell every time you looked at him. You always gave him this longing stare," she mocked.

I hit my head on the lunch table. "Was it that obvious?"

"Very much so, but I have a secret for you too," Alice said leaning down to my ear.

"What's that?"

"Edward likes you too," she whispered.

My head shot up and I glared at her. "Stop playing games Mary Alice Cullen. That's not funny."

She giggled, she actually giggled. "It's the truth. You two are so blind to the other's feelings; it's amazing how you can even function."

"Alice, sweetheart," I began, taking her hands in mine. "It's not possible. I'm not even his type. I'm not some dumb, blonde bimbo that drools over him. Well I do drool, but it doesn't matter. I would never be what he wants."

"What who wants?" I stiffened at the sound of the voice behind me.

"Uh…nothing, Edward. We're just talking about a friend of mine from back home," I quickly lied.

His brows furrowed. "Boy trouble?" I nodded. "Maybe I can help," he added sitting in the seat across from me.

"Yeah, actually you can help. Bella has this friend who likes this guy but doesn't think the guy likes her back." I shot daggers at Alice who just smirked in return.

"What does your friend look like?" Edward inquired seeming genuinely interested.

Before I could answer, Alice piped in again. "Ya know, she looks eerily like Bella…you know...long brown hair, big brown eyes, smooth pale skin." I was seriously going to kill Alice now.

"You've met her Alice? I thought she lived in Phoenix?"

"Uh…I've seen pictures," she answered.

"Oh. Well, if she looks like Bella then the guy would be a fool to not want to be with her." My eyes snapped to Edward who was staring intently at me. Our eyes locked and he gave me a small smile. "If she doesn't think he would want her than she doesn't see herself clearly. I'm sure he has his own doubts and concerns. He's most likely trying to build the courage to say something to her. Or maybe he doesn't think he's worth her time." He never faltered as he spoke. I could feel myself burning up with embarrassment.

"He's worth it," I managed, the words barely audible to myself.

"Oh, there's Jasper, I'll talk to you guys later." Alice took off running.

I continued staring into the green orbs that were boring into me. I finally blinked, snapping myself out of the Edward-induced coma.

"I…ummm….should get going," I stammered, grabbing my books. Before I could turn to leave, I felt his warm strong hand on my arm.

"Bella, wait…" I stopped moving. "I meant what I said. He's…_I'm_ a fool. You are absolutely beautiful. I don't…"

"Eddie!" Jessica came bounding over to us. "I was looking for you. I have a special treat for you," she sang winking at him.

"Jess, can't you see I'm busy?" he hissed without taking his eyes from me.

"Oh, it's only Bella. She won't mind if I steal you away, right Bella?" She wrapped her manicured fingers around Edward's bicep.

"Ummm…no go ahead." I pulled my arm from Edward's grasp and walked away.

"Bella…" he called out, but I kept walking. I headed to the library for the rest of lunch period.

I couldn't believe I could be so stupid to think he wanted me. I knew what he was going to say. "I don't think we would work out. We're better off as friends." I'm beautiful in that friend-slash-sister sort of way which I'm sure is how he sees me.

It was time to go to Biology and I was dreading having to see Edward. Everything was fine before. We were friends; not good friends, but good enough. The four of us would hang out when he wasn't busy canoodling with the pick of the week. Though lately, it seemed he was always around more. Not that I minded. Any time I was able to spend with him was great for me. When I questioned him about it, he would just shrug. Now this new revelation would change everything.

I walked into class knowing that Edward was already seated. I took a deep breath and proceeded to my seat next to him.

"Bella, please look at me." My brain tried to stop my head from turning, but my heart had other plans. What I saw shocked me. Edward's face was full of emotions and he was struggling for words. He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, a sure sign he was nervous.

"What…" I couldn't finish my thought as I felt Edward's hand on my neck pulling me to him. "Ed…" In an instant his lips were on mine, his hands cupping my face. I couldn't move; I couldn't believe it was happening.

Edward was kissing me. This was what I wanted, but I was frozen. I felt his lips move over mine. When his tongue softly glided over my bottom lip, I lost all resolve. My arms went around his neck, pulling him closer. I took his tongue in my mouth letting him taste me. I was floating…until I heard the cheers and claps of my classmates.

I hesitantly backed away from Edward. Mr. Banner walked in then.

"Okay class, settle down. We have a lot to cover today."

I tried to pay attention but all I could think about was the kiss.

Edward slid me a piece of paper.

_-Why did you walk away from me in the cafeteria? I wasn't finished speaking to you._

_-I figured you would want to be alone with Jessica._

I passed the paper back to him. He shook his head.

_-I was trying to get her away from us. I wanted to keep talking to you._

_-It's okay. You don't have to pretend. I know you don't want me. I just hope this doesn't change our friendship._

I saw anger and confusion flash across his face as he glanced at the note.

_-I just kissed you in front of the whole class and you think I don't want you? No, Bella, I want you and only you. Jessica interrupted me. I was going to say that I don't want to be just friends anymore. I really like you and I want to be with you._

My mouth dropped as I read the words on the sheet. I was so wrong before. He really did want me. I looked at him.

"Really?" I mouthed. He smiled that crooked grin of his and nodded.

I gave him a smile in return. He took my hand in his and gently squeezed, never letting go for the remainder of class.

**~*~**

The weeks went by and my bond with Edward grew stronger. Or so I thought.

Edward picked me up for school every morning and afterwards we either spent time at my place or his. He was always a gentleman with me, never pushing for anything more than a kiss. I knew I wasn't ready for such an intimate relationship with him yet and he respected my wishes completely.

It was the last day of school before Thanksgiving break when I realized things with Edward would never be easy.

My last class of the day was gym and when it was over I noticed that Jessica was getting dressed quicker than normal.

"Where's the fire, Jess?" I snickered.

"Fire? Huh?" I shook my head.

"Never mind."

She was out of the locker room in record time. I took my time as I always did knowing that if I moved too fast I would probably hurt something. When I was done, I walked out to the parking lot where Edward was waiting for me. Except this time, Jessica was there and she had her hands all over him.

I moved closer not believing my eyes. It had to be a walking nightmare. I was close enough now to hear what they were saying without them noticing me.

"Come on Eddie. You know she does nothing for you. When was the last time she ever gave you pleasure?" She was almost whining when she spoke.

"You don't need to worry about that and please stop calling me Eddie. You know I hate that name." He sounded annoyed but he made no attempt to push away from her.

Her hands moved and she was now playing with the hair at the back of his neck. "I do need to worry because from the look and feel of things, she hasn't in a while." Her eyes darted down, as did mine and sure enough he had an erection. "It seems I'm the only girl who can handle your problems."

He leaned down until his mouth was at her ear. "You're right, Jessica, she isn't the girl for me…"

I gasped. Edward's head whipped in my direction and he finally shoved Jessica away. I backed away slowly, tears forming in my eyes.

"Bella, it's not what you think," he insisted.

"Is this why you ran out of the locker room, Jessica? So you can come and steal my boyfriend? Well you can have him," I spat out.

"Bella," he pleaded, reaching out to me.

"No, I knew I wasn't good enough for you, but there was no need to flaunt it." I turned and ran as fast as I could. From the corner of my eye I saw Alice and Jasper.

"Bella, wait!" Alice yelled. I ignored her and continued running. I surprised even myself that I managed to make it home without falling or breaking anything.

Luckily, no one was home. I didn't want to have to explain to my parents why I was sobbing uncontrollably. I eventually cried myself to sleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept, but it was already dark outside when I heard the knocking at my door. I really didn't want company, but the knocking was persistent. I went downstairs to open the door and saw Alice and Rosalie standing with buckets of ice cream.

This was my first time meeting Rosalie and my god, she was stunning. All I knew of her was that she dated Emmett, Alice's and Edward's older brother and was practically family. She had long blonde hair and the perfect body to match her perfect face. She looked like she just stepped off the runway. Unfortunately, taking in her appearance did nothing for my own self-esteem at the moment and just made me cry out more.

Alice immediately took me in her arms and soothingly spoke to me. "It's okay, Bella. Everything will work out."

I let them into the house and went to the kitchen to grab some spoons before settling into the living room.

"So, I heard what the bastard did," Rosalie scowled. I was shocked at the animosity in her voice.

"Rose, isn't the biggest Edward fan," Alice explained. "She never understood how he could go from girl to girl the way he used to before you came along." I nodded.

"I just can't believe he allowed that skank to touch him."

"Rose, you're not helping," Alice calmly said. "Bella, why don't you tell us what happened?"

I took a deep breath and related the incident from earlier. I was able to tell the story without crying.

"Wait, so he never touched her?" Alice asked. I shook my head. "Well, that's a good thing," she beamed.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Alice you're missing the obvious thing that did happen. Edward got a hard-on while talking to another whore."

"Well, maybe he has a reason for that," Alice said hopefully.

"I highly doubt it," Rose turned to me. "Bella, have you and Edward have sex yet?"

I blushed. "No, I've thought about it, but I don't know if I'm ready or if I'll be good enough for him," I answered sheepishly.

"So, you're still a virgin?" I nodded. "Have you done anything remotely sexual that ended up with either of you having an orgasm?" I shook my head, turning another shade of pink.

"Well, that explains it. Listen, I spoke to Edward earlier and he's beating himself up for what happened. He didn't mean anything to happen with Jessica and he certainly didn't want the little guy to make an appearance, but it did and now I see why. Edward's sexually frustrated. He wouldn't intentionally get hard for someone, but at this point, I'm sure any touch from any woman will be too much for him. We need to awaken the sexy woman in you," Alice reasoned.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I questioned fearing where this was leading.

Rose cleared her throat. "I don't necessarily like the little fucker, but whatever. We're going to teach you some new tricks to drive Edward crazy where he would never think of looking at another woman. Or so help me, I'll bash his face in for you."

"Tricks?"

"Yes. It's time you learned a little baseball." Rosalie gave a wicked grin and I laughed.

"Hey, we got you smiling!" Alice shrieked excitedly.

The rest of the night was spent eating ice cream with Rose and Alice. They summarized all the "baseball" terms and different things I could do to guarantee Edward, or any man for that matter, never thinks of cheating on me.

They came back the next day and spent Thanksgiving with me. From that day forward, we promised to always try to spend Thanksgiving with each other no matter where were or who we were with at the time.

* * *

_**2005 - Present**_

I waited at baggage claim for my two best friends. I didn't have to wait long as I saw my short black-haired pixie running towards me.

"Bella!" She hugged me tightly. It's so good to see you. I've missed you so much!" I let go and walked to the statuesque blonde behind Alice.

"Rose…" I said flatly.

"Bella…" she smirked. She didn't move for a few seconds. "Oh, come here girl." She grabbed me and we held on to each other for what seemed like eternity. Alice joined us for a group hug. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and moved away from them.

"My god, I've missed you guys. I haven't seen you in forever. I'm so sorry for everything."

"No crying and no apologizing. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You did what you had to do and moved on," Rose said. "Now, let's get rolling, we're making a scene." We all laughed and collected the bags before heading back to my place.

I lived in a two bedroom apartment in Rittenhouse Square. The place had parquet wood floors and windows that faced the park. I was close enough to the university to walk on nice days. Unfortunately, I also never fully furnished the apartment and Alice was kind enough to point this out to me.

"You need Esme in here. She'll spice this place up in a jiffy."

"It's okay. It's only me and I don't foresee anyone else in my future. I like the minimalist feel."

"Bella, you barely have furniture though," Rose added looking around.

I had the barest necessities. In the living room were a small dining table, a couch, a television and stand, and my bookcases. My bedroom had a bed and dresser and a desk that used to be in the guest bedroom. The guest room had been my makeshift office, but I ran out and bought a new bed when Alice told me they were coming.

I shrugged. "I think it's fine." We dropped their bags in the room and headed back into the living room.

We plopped down onto the couch. "So ladies, what do you want to do? I know you had a long flight, so if you want to rest for a while first you can."

"Please, Bella. You know we flew first class over here. I wouldn't settle for less on a cross country flight. We had all the rest we needed," Rose smugly replied.

"Yes, we don't want to waste our time resting when we haven't seen you in ages," Alice added.

"Okay then, so back to my original question. What do you want to do?"

"Let's go for a walk. Show us the City of Brotherly Love," Rose mocked.

"We can do that. Oh, we can go to the school. I can show you around campus and there's a great Mexican place where we can eat and drink."

"Sounds like a plan. I'm going to freshen up," Alice said giving Rose a knowing look.

Once Alice was out of the room, I turned to Rose.

"What was that look about?"

"What look?" Rose innocently asked.

I glared at Rose waiting for her to continue.

"Okay fine," she huffed. "I'm pregnant," she said, holding back a smile.

"Rosalie Hale Cullen! That is great news!" I exclaimed giving her a big hug. "How far along are you?"

"Four months," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry, did you say four months? You've known that long and you didn't tell me?"

"I wanted to tell you in person."

I rolled my eyes. "You could have called. How did Emmett take the news?"

"Well you know Emmett. Mr. Muscleman is really a big softie. He started crying." I laughed at the thought of Emmett crying.

Alice came out from the bedroom talking on her phone.

"I'll let her know. I love you too, Mom. Bye." I looked at Alice expectantly. "Esme will be sending over a friend of hers to take care of your apartment situation," she said motioning around the room.

"She doesn't need to do that. I'm fine really," I protested.

"Think nothing of it. It's an early Christmas present. All she wants is a few phone calls from you every now and then," she admonished.

"I think I can do that."

"Now that the big baby news is out of the way, let's get going."

We headed to the university and I gave them the grand tour. I showed them Bennett Hall where my office was located. We passed the various statues of Benjamin Franklin along Locust Walk. Alice found the sculpture of Ben Franklin sitting on the bench hilarious and insisted on taking pictures with him. We walked by the Quad, the freshman dorms where they just finished filming part of the new _Transformers_ movie. We took pictures by the peace sign next to Van Pelt library, my favorite hangout outside my home.

"This is a great campus. The buildings are so old and colonial. It's so quaint. I can see why you like it here," Alice commented.

I agreed. "Yes. It's very me. It's actually very calming here and, of course, I get lost in the library."

Our stomachs were making themselves known so we walked to the restaurant.

"What's the name of this place where we're going to eat?" Rose asked.

"Mad 4 Mex," I smiled.

"How original," Rose sniggered.

"Oh shut it. They have great wings and the strongest margaritas around."

"I guess I'll be the judge of the wings, but no drinking for me," she sighed.

"Oh right," I smacked my forehead. "I'm sorry about that. We can go someplace else."

"Nonsense. I'll enjoy watching you two get drunk again like old times."

Indeed we did. We reminisced of our time in high school and college. They caught me up on the happenings of Forks and Seattle. Mike Newton somehow managed to domesticate Jessica. Angela and Ben had a little boy a couple of months ago. Edward was still single and he was denied the promotion to chief of staff. I wasn't sure if I should feel bad or not. I knew Edward was a hard worker and I'm sure he deserved it, but I suppose the hospital board had their reasons.

We continued talking and enjoying our time together. By midnight we were all tired and went back to my place to crash.

I woke up early the next morning to prepare for our Thanksgiving dinner. Rosalie was up and about soon after gearing up to watch her football games. She may be beautiful, but she was also the biggest tomboy I knew. Alice on the other hand was all woman, all the time. She spent most of the morning and afternoon primping. This was how we always spent the holiday, such a tradition.

I laid the food out buffet style on the kitchen counter. One juicy turkey, homemade cranberry sauce, stuffing, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie were all on display. I cooked enough for a small army.

"You certainly outdid yourself, Bella. You do know it's only the three of us right?" Rose questioned.

"Yes, I know, but it's the holidays and it's not often I get to cook for you guys," I countered.

"Well, I'm not one to say no to Swan cooking. I'm digging in," Alice retorted picking up a plate and piling on everything. I was always amazed on how much she could pack in her tiny body.

Once we were situated, Alice thought it would be nice for us to take turns and say something we were all thankful for this year.

She began first. "I'm thankful for my parents for being supportive and loving; Jasper for accepting me as I am and my two best friends who I could never live without." Rose and I smiled.

Rose went next. "Well, I'm thankful for you girls of course. I'm thankful for Emmett for saving me from myself, marrying me and giving me so much monkey love that I'm now pregnant with his child." We exploded with laughter. Rose was never one to be ashamed of her sex life with Emmett.

"It's your turn now, Bella," Alice said once she stopped giggling.

"Ummm…" I considered for a moment. "I'm thankful to have friends like you who can help me through all the rough times," I sheepishly grinned.

"Anytime, sweetheart, you know we love you." We raised our glasses and toasted to a wonderful weekend.

"Bella?" Alice asked a little while later.

"Yes, Alice?"

"Would it be okay if I took back some pumpkin pie?"

"Sure. I didn't know you liked pumpkin pie so much. I would have made more."

"Yeah, love it," she muttered. I rolled my eyes.

"What is it Alice?"

"God, am I that horrible at keeping secrets?" she questioned. I nodded and motioned for her to continue. "Well, Edward found out we were coming and he asked me to bring back some of your pie. Please don't be mad. You know he always loved your pie."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding at the mention of his name. That he still wanted anything to do with me, even if it was just my pie, was a little shocking.

"Ummm…yeah, sure, Alice. I guess that's okay. I don't hold any grudges against the man. Though I'm sure he could get pumpkin pie anywhere that tastes just as good as mine if not better, but fine." I didn't know what else to say so I just shrugged it off.

We soon fell into a sleep coma and didn't wake up until the morning.

Friday turned out to be an interesting day as Esme's friend, Irina, showed up nice and early to renovate my apartment. I gave her free reign to the place and decided it was a good time as any to go to the King of Prussia mall. Alice was in heaven as we roamed one of the largest malls on the east coast.

I was amazed at what I saw when we returned home. I almost didn't recognize my apartment. The once white walls were now a soft ivory color. The couch was replaced with a supple brown leather love seat and a glass coffee table. She even replaced my television with a wall-mounted plasma giving me more space. The desk that had been in my bedroom was now sitting pretty in an office-like corner next to my bookshelves.

My bedroom was painted a soothing blue hue. In the center was a new cherry wood bed and, from the looks of it, a new mattress. There were also a matching armoire and dresser. I don't know how Irina managed to get all of this done in one day.

I had to remember to call Esme and thank her for everything. I knew she always cared for me like a daughter and I was touched that she continued to do so despite my relationship, or lack thereof, with Edward.

Alice, Rosalie and I stayed up late talking through the night before they had to leave the morning.

I dropped them off the next day and we cried like babies. I didn't want to admit how lonely I was without them, but they promised they would come back to visit as soon as they could. I waved to them as they crossed security and headed back to Seattle.

I was back to being alone again.

* * *

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this little ditty of a chapter. For those of you wondering (if you are), I went to Penn, hence the extensive knowledge of the campus. And yes, they filmed the schools in **_**Transformers 2**_** at Penn. I'm looking forward to seeing my school in the movies. This will be the second time. My high school was in **_**A Bronx Tale**_**. Next chapter will be up before the end of the week, but probably not on its scheduled Wednesday. I will get back on track. I promise**

**Now that you've read… please review. :o)**


	8. Chapter 7: Babyface

**AN: Interesting. Some of you are upset with what Edward said, but never stopped to think if maybe there WAS more to it. Keep reading my friends…**

**I'm a review whore so please review. I'm really happy that I have almost 40 reviews already for my story, but I want more. I'm greedy like that. :o) **

**On a sad note, I want to send my prayers to the Jackson Family. I grew up listening to Michael and I felt like a little part of me died today. I remembered the day that Thriller made its debut. I was 5, but I wasn't scared. I felt so proud of myself. He was a legend and an icon. I will miss him. **

**Usual blah blah: I do not own Twilight…**

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* * *

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**Chapter 7 - Babyface**

_**EPOV**_

Thanksgiving. This was the second Thanksgiving without Bella. I didn't even bother going to my parents last year. It would have been too much seeing everyone so happy with their significant others while I wallowed in my misery.

This year was different though, well, not by much. Alice and Rosalie went to Philadelphia to visit Bella. It was their tradition to always spend Thanksgiving together; a tradition that began because of me. Of course, when we were together some of those were spent at my parents' home.

I wanted to follow Alice, stowaway in one of her many bags. As much as she packs I didn't think she would have noticed the change in weight. I knew that was a stupid idea. I could have just bought a ticket with all the money I have, but then again I hadn't exactly been thinking straight these last couple of years. Oh, and I was a coward. That's why Bella was in Philadelphia instead of by my side as my wife.

I did ask Alice one favor though and that was to bring me back some of Bella's famous pumpkin pie. I always looked forward to Thanksgiving just for her pie. I figured that if Alice asked, Bella would give it to her willingly, as long it wasn't mentioned that it was for me. I have a feeling it won't be that easy though.

As I sat with my family, which was really just my parents, Emmett and Jasper, I thought back to my first fuckup. Ironically, it happened during Thanksgiving.

* * *

_**1994 – Senior Year of HS**_

We had been going out for a few weeks. I was extremely happy; I couldn't have had a better woman by my side. She was my constant and I was falling hard for Bella. I was having dreams of us getting married and having children. Yes, that's right. Edward Cullen, player extraordinaire, was thinking about marriage. Crazy, huh?

I also didn't want her only for sex. Don't get me wrong, I was horny and I wanted her, badly, but she was also a virgin. If she wanted to give me that gift I would gladly accept it, but at her pace. She was special. She wasn't like other girls that threw themselves at me and I wouldn't treat her as such. I knew she wasn't ready for me and I never pushed her for more than a make out session. Of course, those left me hot and bothered and I almost always ended up in my shower spanking one out. It was for a good cause.

I had been picking up Bella and dropping her off at home everyday once we started going out. The day before Thanksgiving was no exception.

I was excited for the upcoming holiday. Bella had agreed to spend it with my family. I was looking forward to spending the extra time with her.

Bella's last class of the day was gym, a class she despised. She was usually one of the last students to come out from the lockers rooms. I waited by my car for her, waited for her beautiful smile.

Instead, I had Jessica standing in front of me blocking my view.

I pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose, obviously annoyed at the twit. "What do you want, Jessica? I'm waiting for Bella." I peeked around her to see if Bella had exited yet.

"Oh. She'll come around eventually. You know how clumsy she is. She's probably tripping over every bench in there," she giggled stepping closer to me.

I rolled my eyes. "I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about my girlfriend like that and I would appreciate it even more if you left me alone right now. " I crossed my arms in front of me in a defensive stance.

"Eddie," she said trying to sound sexy, but only sounding like a pain in the ass. "You know you want me." She started touching me, running her finger up my arm. I froze just staring at her. This bitch was crazy.

I fought the urge to punch her. A man just doesn't hit a woman, no matter how nutty the woman was.

"Go away, now," I demanded through clenched teeth. Apparently, she didn't take the hint.

"Come on, Eddie," she whined. "You know she does nothing for you. When was the last time she ever gave you pleasure?"

"You don't need to worry about that and please stop calling me Eddie. You know I hate that name." I was getting angrier by the second with her and the audacity of her insinuations. She knew nothing of my relationship with Bella!

The next thing I knew her hands were playing with the hair at the back of my neck. It was the way Bella played with my hair. No one knew about this, which meant Jessica was paying way too much attention to us than I thought. Unfortunately, my cock didn't know the difference between Bella's and Jessica's hands because it decided to make an unwelcomed appearance.

"I _do_ need to worry because from the look and feel of things, she hasn't in a while." Her eyes darted down. "It seems I'm the only girl who can handle your problems."

I had enough of the charade and of this whore insulting my Bella. I leaned in close until I was at her ear. "You're right, Jessica, she isn't the _girl_ for me…"

Before I could finish my sentence I heard a loud gasp from my right. Shit! I could see the tears forming in Bella's eyes. I had to fix this now!

"Bella, it's not what you think," I insisted.

"Is this why you ran out of the locker room, Jessica? So you can come and steal my boyfriend? Well you can have him," she screamed at Jessica.

I couldn't believe my ears. She thought I could be stolen that easy? That was so far from the truth.

"Bella…" I pleaded, reaching out to her. Instead she turned and ran from me before I could explain anything to her.

This couldn't be happening. Not now, not to me. This was all Jessica's fault.

"Fuck Jessica! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled. "Get the hell away from me and stay away from Bella. If I even see you looking in our direction, I'll cut your eyes out!"

She jumped back afraid of me. Good. Let her be scared. Hopefully she would leave us alone now. "I'm sorry…"

"Save it and get the fuck out of here!" I roared, pointing away from us. She quickly scurried off to her car and sped out of the parking lot.

Alice and Jasper approached me.

"Edward?" she asked cautiously. I looked at her. "What happened? I saw Bella running off and you were yelling at Jessica. Is everything okay?"

"No, everything is not okay," I spat out. "What the fuck kind of question is that?" Alice flinched and I realized I was taking my anger out on the one person who didn't deserve it. "I'm sorry, Alice. It's just…" I breathed out.

"It's okay. Tell me what happened. We'll figure it out together." I told her about Bella seeing Jessica feel me up and what she heard.

"She totally has the wrong idea. I'm disgusted with Jessica and myself for not doing something sooner. What's worse is that she thinks she's not good enough for me, that I can easily be taken by any girl. She's the best thing to ever happen to me. She's made me a better man and I had to go and fuck it up. I don't know what to do. She probably thinks I don't want her either," I groaned.

"Why would she think that?"

"Probably because I fucked half the school's female population and I'm taking my time with her. I think I'm falling for her…"

Alice squealed at my admission. "That's great news!"

"Yes, but I don't want to ruin it with sex. She's so fragile, but perfect. I couldn't do that to her."

"So you guys haven't…" Jasper whistled and pumped his fist.

I rolled my eyes at his vulgarity. "No, we haven't."

"Do you want to?" Alice asked.

"Hell yeah I do. I would love nothing more, but it isn't about that with her," I said sounding exasperated.

"Hmm…" I could see the wheels working in Alice's head. "Don't worry Edward, it'll work out. Give me some time with her."

**~*~**

Sunday morning rolled around and I was wide awake. I barely slept all weekend. Thanksgiving was a disaster with my parents questioning me on why Bella didn't come for dinner. I couldn't take it and went up to my room, hardly touching a thing on my plate. I stayed in my room all weekend brooding.

There was a knock at my door and Alice peeked her head in.

"Edward, are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'm up," I replied. She came in and sat down next to me on the bed.

"So, ummm…I think you should go see Bella today," she suggested.

"She hates me," I stated covering my eyes with my arm.

"No she doesn't, but she is confused and you need to clear things up with her if you're going to continue in this relationship with her. If she's worth it, you'll go over there."

I looked at my sister. "Do you really think she'll forgive me?"

"Of course she will. Now, get up, and get dressed." I sat up, drawing Alice in for a hug.

"Thanks, pixie."

"Thank me later with a shopping trip," she grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine." She gave me another quick hug and left the room.

**~*~**

An hour later I found myself standing in front of Bella's house. I didn't see the police cruiser so I knew she was alone.

I hesitated before I knocked on the door. I waited. There was no answer. I figured she was still sleeping. It was only eleven. She could have had a late night. I turned to head back to my car when the door opened.

"Edward?"

I turned back to face her, running my hand through my hair. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"I…ummm…I…" I stuttered.

"Spit it out, Edward. I don't have all day," she ordered. She was cute when she was feisty. _Ugh. Focus Cullen._

"I came to apologize. I was a total ass and you didn't deserve any of that. I'm sorry about what I said and what you saw. I miss you and I don't want to be without you another moment longer. Please let me in and let me explain. I desperately want to work things out with you," I finally spouted all in one breath.

"You've been hanging around Alice too much," she chuckled softly. She opened the door wider and invited me into the house. "Do you want anything to drink?" she asked walking to the kitchen.

"Sure, water," I answered. She handed me a glass of water and gestured for me to take a seat.

"So…tell me why I shouldn't crack your skull?"

I chuckled. "Now you sound like you've been hanging out with Rose too much."

She shrugged. "I guess, but really I do want to. You hurt me, Edward. I can't believe what you did to me. I'm going to be the laughing stock at school tomorrow."

"No, you won't be. That'll be Jessica."

She furrowed her brows in confusion. "What do you mean? I don't understand. She was all over you and you responded."

"Look, Bella. It wasn't what it appeared. You showed up mid-conversation. I was telling Jessica to leave me alone…"

"Yeah, but you weren't pushing her away and _some_ part of you was enjoying it."

"I know. I didn't want to touch her. I knew if I did, I would end up hurting her. In retrospect, I should have just punched her like I really wanted and we would be fine now. The only way I could control that urge though was by not laying a finger on her. Trust me when I say that she disgusts me." I reached out for her hand and luckily she didn't pull away.

"That doesn't explain the obvious hard-on you had though."

"It doesn't," I agreed. "This is probably the worst excuse in the book, but please believe me. When she started playing with my hair, it was the same way you do it and when you do it, it always feels good. It made me think of you. Unfortunately, this," I motioned to my pelvic area, "didn't quite register that it wasn't you doing it and decided to have a mind of its own."

"That is pretty lame," she stated flatly, "and I don't know if I should scream or laugh." She shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It was a bad situation to be caught in."

She nodded. "I'll say. There's just one thing that is nagging me."

"What's that?"

"You don't want me anyway, so why are you here apologizing?"

I pursed my lips. She couldn't really think that. This woman was everything to me. I swallowed back the anger that was threatening to come up.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. That is the furthest thing from the truth," I started.

"Really? So why did you tell Jessica that I wasn't the girl for you?" I took a few deep breaths before answering.

"That's because you're not." I tightened my grip on her hand before she could move away. "You're not the girl for me because I consider you more than just a girl. You are an amazing _woman_. No girl compares to you, especially not that skank, Jessica. You are my woman. I don't want a girl. You're much better than that. You complete me in ways I never thought imaginable. You make me a better person, a better man even. I wouldn't settle for less. Please know this."

Her eyes were pooling with unshed tears. "Do you really mean that?"

"Wholeheartedly."

She came over to me and straddled my legs. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

I gave her a chaste kiss. "You did nothing wrong, love. You have no reason to apologize."

She kissed me again. I was expecting another sweet kiss, but she came at me with full force. Her tongue found its way into my mouth before I could protest. I felt her hips rock back and forth, grinding into me. I gripped her hips to steady her. I didn't want any more surprise guests.

She wasn't having it though. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her breasts, squeezing them roughly. Oh. Fuck... She started grinding again, her hips moving seductively over my growing bulge.

"Fuck, Bella…" It was feeling too good, but this wasn't the time. I tried gently pushing her away.

"No, Edward don't stop," she moaned into my mouth.

"Bella…stop…this isn't right," I said sternly, grabbing her shoulders and finally leaning her away.

"What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted," she said angrily.

"What would make you think this is what I wanted from you?"

"Rose and Alice figured it'll help to keep you interested if I seduced you," she explained.

"Fuck what Rose and Alice think. They aren't a part of our relationship. They have their own men to worry about and if that's what they do to keep them satisfied then that's great. But this isn't what I want from you."

"So you really don't want me," she seethed. She started to get up, but I held her.

"You stubborn woman, didn't you hear what I said before? You're different. You're special."

"But you've slept with half the school," she protested. I laid my head on her shoulder.

"Bella, please understand that I'm not proud of being a manwhore. Besides, those girls threw themselves at me expecting me to fuck them." She winced at my harsh words. "You are not them and don't try to be like them. That is why I like you. It is why I'm here apologizing to you. Trust me, I want you." I pushed up against her so she could feel my hardness. "You see? That is what you do to me, but when it becomes that time, I want it to be special for both of us. I want it to be special for you. You deserve to be worshipped. I don't want to be rushed and I know you're not ready. I will never push you."

"I want to make you feel good though," she pouted. It was the cutest thing. I kissed her bottom lip.

"In time, love. We have time for all of that. We'll take it slow." She nodded.

I hugged her close and we sat for what seemed like hours in each other's arms.

* * *

_**2005 - Present**_

"Earth to Edward, come in."

I snapped out of my memories by Emmett who stood over me like a big gorilla.

"Come on, the turkey's done. Mom's waiting for us in the dining room." I stood up and followed Emmett. He stopped and put a hand on my chest. "Oh, and no sulking at the dinner table." I nodded.

"Fine." I plastered a fake smile on my face.

Dinner conversation consisted of Emmett talking about Rosalie being pregnant and how happy he was becoming a father. My mother, of course, was beside herself with the news of being a grandmother. I just thought this gave Rosalie another excuse to be a bitch.

Carlisle spoke about changes in the hospital rubbing in the fact that I was denied the Chief of Staff position. Jasper mentioned the new historical renovation he was working on in the city. Everyone seemed to be throwing in my face that I had nothing and they had everything I wanted.

Lucky for me, no one turned to me for conversation fodder. I stayed quiet most of the dinner. Afterwards, Emmett and I finished watching the football game and I drove back home.

My Friday was spent at the hospital, keeping myself busy with overeaters from the day before complaining of indigestion, severe diarrhea and food poisoning. Same shit, different year.

Saturday, I had an early shift so I could pick up Alice and Rosalie from the airport. I didn't bother going inside, choosing to wait in the car curbside. I didn't have to wait long as they appeared shortly after I arrived.

I got out of the Volvo and helped them put the bags in the trunks. I noticed then that Alice was carrying something else in her hand. It was covered in aluminum foil. It looked like pie. My stomach did a little happy dance. _Get it together, Cullen, don't get your hopes up_.

"Is that what I think it is?" Alice looked down at the object in her hands.

"Yes, it's pumpkin pie." She pulled back the foil and, sure enough, there was a whole uneaten pie.

I was confused. "Didn't you guys eat any?"

"Oh yeah, we did. She made this one extra for you after I asked her if I could take some home."

"For me? You told her I wanted?" I asked incredulously. I love my sister, but keeping a secret sometimes was not her forte.

"I'm sorry. She coaxed it out of me. She knew that I don't like pumpkin pie enough to bring it home. She basically figured it out on her own."

"But she made it just for me. She doesn't hate me." I was happy for the first time in over a year. There was still hope for us. Rose noticed my elation and quickly burst my bubble.

"Don't get too excited, Casanova. She was bored and had extra ingredients. She's happy there and she's been dating. She's gotten over you. She was just being nice."

I saw red. Bella was dating? She really did move on. All I had left of her was the pie I was holding in my hand.

* * *

**AN: See, Edward isn't such a bad guy…**

**So I know you guys are going to have a couple of questions so here are the pre-emptive answers. First: Yes, Bella made him a pie. I didn't include it in the last chapter because well, I didn't feel like it, but what Rose said is true. She did have extra ingredients and was trying to be nice. I've done that before, it's not a big deal. Second: Rose obviously lied. Bella is not dating…yet and she most definitely has not gotten over Edward. But, Rose being Rose likes to see Eddie dearest squirm. I love her. lol**

**P.S. As I typed this and edited, George Michael's Careless Whisper played. How fitting.**


	9. Chapter 8: New Year's Day

**AN: Sorry this is a little late coming to you. I didn't have much motivation, not to mention that I was busy celebrating my first 5th anniversary (that's the city hall paper wedding) and watching Harry Potter. Loved it and it's disturbing to know that I read the book twice and I still jumped at the scary parts and cried in the end even though I knew what happened. HAHAHA Anyway…**

**Two things: 1) I've changed the flashback headings to be actual years, hopefully this will be a little less confusing. 2) I want to remind you all that this is OOC so do NOT hate me for what I write, I also don't want to read ultra negative reviews or anything regarding what is written in this chapter. If you don't like it just don't continue reading. It's my story, I write it as I want. :o) **

**Aside from that, you can review all you want. Reviews make me happy. I have almost 50, maybe I can get to 75? Love you all!**

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**Chapter 8 – New Year's Day**

_**BPOV**_

I was having the weirdest dream. It was straight out of the "I Love Lucy" episode where she was eating the chocolate from the conveyor belt. I was Lucy and instead of chocolates, it was mini pumpkin pies and I was stuffing my face full of them. Then I heard a shrill ringing sound. The conveyor belt was moving faster now. The ringing came again, but this time it sounded oddly like my ringtone. It came again and I realized it was the real world making its way into my dream and my phone was ringing.

I woke up and blindly reached for my phone not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" I groggily answered.

"Bella?" My eyes shot open at the familiar velvet voice.

"Edward?" Maybe I'm still dreaming.

"Yes. Did I wake you?" he asked with concern. No, this isn't a dream.

"Yes, but why... Is everything okay? Was there a problem with Alice's flight?" Really there was no other reason for him to call.

"No, no. She's fine." I felt myself relax with relief, but immediately tensed up again.

"Why are you calling?"

"I…ummm…wanted to thank you," he stammered.

"You're welcome, I guess."

"The pie," he clarified. Shit, I forgot I made an extra pie for him. I couldn't sleep the last night the girls were here and I made him a pie with the leftover ingredients. I thought nothing of it since I enjoy cooking and baking anyway.

"Oh. That was nothing. Really. You didn't have to call to thank me." As a matter of fact, I thought I told Alice to be sure he didn't call.

"I wanted to call. It was…nice. Thank you."

"Well, you're welcome."

There was an awkward silence. Neither of us said a word for about a minute.

"How…"

"Edward…"

We spoke at the same time.

"Sorry. Ladies first." I didn't even know what I wanted to say.

"Edward…I have to go."

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry to keep you."

"Bye, Edward." I hung up before I could hear him say another word. Hearing his voice stirred up all sorts of emotions ranging from lust to anger. I couldn't bear to listen to him if I was trying to forget him. His voice would just lure me in as it always did in the past. I could never resist it.

"Fuck, Edward!" I screamed to no one. Why did he call? What could he possibly tell me that I don't already know? Was he trying to apologize…again? He was frustrating me to no end. I decided not to think on it too much and fell back to sleep.

**~*~**

The next couple of weeks were hell with the end of the semester and finals fast approaching. Oh, to be a student again. They had it easy. They came, they sat through their exams, and went home while I had to grade said exams and papers in time for their grades to be calculated. After all of that, I had to prepare for the next semester. It was a vicious cycle.

I was heading to Van Pelt library to return some books one evening when I ran into Professor Silva. Literally.

"Oh my…I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed as I bent down to collect her papers that were now strewn over the ground.

"Don't worry about it…ummm…Isabella, right?" She had the faintest of accents. I handed her the papers.

"Yes, Professor Silva. Again, I wish to apologize. I didn't see you until the last second."

She laughed. "Please, Isabella, we're colleagues, no need for the formalities. You can call me Zafrina."

I blushed in embarrassment. "Zafrina, forgive me and you can call me Bella. I prefer that to Isabella."

"Okay, Bella," she smiled. "How about you stop apologizing and make it up to me by going for some drinks. You look like you could use a drink right now."

"Sure," I agreed. "A drink sounds really good right about now."

We stopped briefly to drop off my books and then proceeded to the Blarney Stone. Most of the students were already on vacation so the bar was relatively quiet. We ordered a couple of beers and talked through the night.

Zafrina told me about her time as a fine arts professor. She's taught at the university for four years and loves every aspect of her job. She especially loved the creative arts classes where she could help shape and mold her students and their artwork.

She was born in Brazil and came to the states when she was five. She explained to me how she uses her upbringing in the states and her time in Brazil as inspiration for her own work. She often vacationed in her home country and also helped other artists there to get noticed in galleries.

As she spoke, I couldn't get over her exotic beauty. She had long black hair that stopped at the middle of her back. Her eyes were huge dark brown orbs that were expressive as she spoke. She had beautiful olive skin that looked as though she had a year-round tan. Her energy reminded me somewhat of Alice, just not as jittery. I paled in comparison to her, but she was breathtaking.

I mentioned my time in Forks and Seattle, skirting over any stories that included Edward, but she caught on that I was hiding something.

"Telll me more about Edward…"

"There's nothing to tell," I curtly responded.

"Really?" She quirked her brow at me. For some reason I couldn't hold anything back and I told her everything from the when we first met to our first time and the disastrous wedding that never happened.

* * *

_**1995 – Freshman Year in College**_

"Edward, you know you can't whisper in my ear and expect me not to react," I whined.

"But I didn't even say anything sexual," he protested hiding a smile.

"You don't have to, that voice alone does wonders to my libido."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Humph."

We had been together for a year now. After the incident with Jessica, we actually never had any more issues. Other girls knew to stay away. I'm not sure if it was that Edward was no long interested or if it was from the death glares Alice would give any of the skanks. Either way it was a blissful year.

We were now in college. I was majoring in English Literature and Edward was in an accelerated joint program for pre-med and medical school. He would be a doctor in five years. We didn't get much time together because of all the classes he was taking, but we always made sure to spend our free time with each other.

It was the end of the semester and I had just finished my last final before Christmas break. Edward had one more final and I was helping him study, though he was doing a fine job of distracting me.

"Can we get back to studying now? I'm helping you out here. If you don't want to do this I can easily go back to my room and have Alice play dress up with me," I chided.

"Bella, you know I don't really need to study. This shit is easy for me. I was making it fun for you."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? By whispering the answers in my ear? The only think you accomplished was turning me on."

He smirked. "Great, my job is done."

"You're such a pain in the ass."

"Yes, but you love me."

"I do, but sometimes I wonder…"

"Hey!" He tackled me down onto my back. "Take that back!"

I scrunched my face up in deep thought. "Or what?" I challenged.

He started tickling my sides and kissing my neck. He made his way to my weak spot right behind my ear. I couldn't help but moan.

"Say it," he commanded.

"I love you, Edward Anthony Cullen."

"I know," he said smugly, pushing off me.

"Arrogant bastard," I mumbled. I threw his pillow at him which he caught easily.

"I love you, too, Isabella Marie Swan."

We had first proclaimed our love to the other on our graduation day. We both realized we couldn't live without the other. Much to our parents' chagrin we applied to the same schools and enrolled into the University of Washington. We wanted to get a place together but that was where the parents drew the line. They did promise that if we maintained our grade point averages they would consider it for the following year.

There was one big reason I loved Edward. True to his word, we never had sex. We did other things. I can say he worked magic with his fingers and tongue and I knew a few things with my mouth, but he never pushed me. Not once.

I was planning on remedying this after his final. He was taking me out to a pre-Christmas dinner and an additional surprise. Alice was helping me with my clothing. I was going to give my virginity to Edward. Until then, I was going to help him study.

"Bella, I really don't want to study anymore," he said tucking the pillow under his arms. "I know the material. It's actually getting late anyway. I need to get you back to your room." We also never stayed over the other's place. Edward never wanted to feel tempted. He was worried about himself when I knew he needed to be more worried about me ravishing him in the middle of the night.

He dropped me off shortly after, leaving me with a lingering kiss.

The next morning I woke up to Alice bustling about in the room. I opened my eyes and saw her staring into the closet.

"Alice what are you doing?" I asked, sleep still in my voice.

"I'm picking out your clothes for tonight," she stated.

"I think I'm quite capable of doing that myself."

"Yes, but as your best friend and your boyfriend's sister I know what's best. Just trust me."

I hid myself under my pillow and left Alice to do her thing. I tried to go back to sleep, but Alice's movements were making it impossible.

"What time is it?"

"Almost nine," she answered. "I'll need you to be up and showered by twelve so we can get you ready." I would argue but after a year of knowing Alice I knew getting ready was always an ordeal.

"Fine, but can you quiet down so I can get some sleep?"

"Sure. I'm done anyway." She left our room no doubt heading over to Jasper's. She and Jasper had also decided to join us at school. The same rule applied to the two of them regarding sleeping arrangements so we roomed together.

I fell back into a restless sleep dreaming about all the things that could go wrong later in the night. I finally gave up and got out of bed. I showered and washed my hair. I read _Pride and Prejudice_ for the hundredth time while I waited for Alice to return.

At exactly twelve Alice bounded into the room and wasted no time in primping me. She flat-ironed my hair straight, managing to tame my waves. She did my make-up next, leaving me with a more natural look that I preferred. It was time to get dressed. I saw the dress that Alice picked out and told her that it was a bit much for just a dinner. She insisted that I wear it anyway. Trust Alice at all times.

The dress was red and strapless with a bow that sat right above the waist. I never saw it before, so I had to assume she bought it without me knowing. Alice lent me her very high Christian Louboutin slingbacks. I protested about the height of the heel knowing my clumsy nature, but she was quick to tell me that I needed to get used to heels. I figured Edward would be my crutch anyway. Before I knew it, six o'clock rolled around.

Edward, punctual as usual, knocked at the door. I opened the door and my jaw dropped at the sight of him. He was wearing charcoal gray pants with a pale green button down shirt and dark green argyle vest. He had a black blazer over this and was carrying his overcoat. His face was slightly flushed from the cold giving him an almost innocent look, but his eyes were smoldering as he gazed up and down my body.

"Bella, you look…stunning," he gasped out. I stopped my drooling to reply.

"Thank you," I said shyly.

He extended his arm out and, after grabbing my coat, I slid my own arm in his and we headed out.

A half hour car ride later we were at Le Gourmand, one of the fanciest French bistros in Seattle. I had always wanted to come here. The reviews were great and from what I read the food was exquisite. What I found though shocked me.

"Edward, where is everybody?" The place was empty except for the restaurant staff.

"Umm…yeah…I kind of rented out the whole place for the night. I didn't want any distractions," he said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Edward Cullen, are you nervous?" I teased.

"A little," he sheepishly grinned.

I had to smile as he blushed. He was always the picture of calm and cool; it was refreshing to see him flustered.

"Mr. Cullen?" The maître d' asked as he approached us. Edward nodded. "Right this way, sir." He led us to our table which was in the center of the room. We sat down and our napkins were placed on our laps.

"Edward, you really outdid yourself. This was all unnecessary."

"No, Bella, you deserve it. I wish I can do more for you, but you never allow me. I have to wait for the holidays and birthdays and, even then, it's almost like pulling teeth with you. Is it a bit much? Yes, but I love you and I want to do this for you. Please?" He reached across the table for my hand.

"Well, since you begged so nicely," I smirked. "Thank you, Edward. I love it and I appreciate it all."

Edward set up the seven course tasting menu for us. Every single dish was delicious and if it weren't for my ever growing full stomach, I would have continued eating. I sat back in my chair and let out a long sigh.

"Was it that good?"

"Unbelievable. I think this is my new favorite restaurant."

"Well, the night isn't over. I have one more surprise for you." He stood up and offered his hand to help me. Because of the heels, I stumbled out of my seat. Edward quickly righted me, wrapping his strong arms around me. "Okay there, tiger?"

"You are my personal hero, thank you for saving me." I leaned forward on my toes and kiss him chastely on the lips. Edward's hand found my own and he led me safely to the car. Once inside he turned to me.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Of course." He leaned over and opened the glove compartment pulling out a black scarf. "Edward, what is that for?"

"You said you trust me, right?" I nodded. "Okay, well, I don't want you peeking and, being as I have to drive to our next location, I can't cover your eyes with my own hands, so I need to use this," he explained lifting the scarf.

"Okay, fine." He swiftly tied the silk around my head, hiding my eyes.

"Comfortable?"

"Mmhmm," I hummed.

Edward started the car and we made our way to our next destination. I tried asking for hints, but he would just change the subject. Finally I felt the car slow to a stop and heard Edward opening his door before coming around and assisting me out.

He led me through some doors and eventually into an elevator. We exited and continued walking. I heard him opening another door and gently pushed me forward. He finally spoke after a few minutes.

"We're here." He removed the scarf and I slowly opened my eyes adjusting to the light.

"Oh my god, Edward." It was obvious we were in a hotel room. There was a huge king size bed and candles everywhere giving the room a soft glow. What astonished me most was the picture window with views of the bay. "It's beautiful."

I turned to Edward who was standing by a small table. On the table was a bucket of ice keeping a champagne bottle warm, a vase filled with roses and a small, black velvet box. He picked up the box and twirled it between his hands.

"Bella, I wanted to give you your present now before we were with the family. I know you would get embarrassed getting something like this in front of everyone so I figured you would want to open it in private." He looked nervous again. My hands were shaking. I know we've spoken about our future, but I couldn't imagine that he would want to commit right now, not with all the schooling he had left. I wouldn't know unless I opened the box though.

He handed my gift to me and I slowly opened it. Inside were the most beautiful diamond stud earrings. "Edward," I gasped, "they are gorgeous."

"Do you like them?"

"I love them. Thank you!" I put the box down on the table and grabbed his blazer to pull him to me. I gave him a deep kiss to rival all others and then hugged him. It was perfect being in his arms.

"Dance with me, Isabella," he whispered. I became vaguely aware of the soft music playing in the room as Edward's hands slipped to my waist. "You're so beautiful. I love you so much." We swayed to the music, my head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat.

"Edward, make love to me. Please?"

"I thought you'll never ask." He sweetly kissed me, his lips caressing mine. His hands moved up and down my back stopping at the top of my dress. He slowly unzipped it, letting it drop as it pooled at my feet.

We made passionate love all night. Our first time was gentle. He was completely sweet and totally apologetic as he entered me for the first time, but it was utterly wonderful. I can't say the rest of times were as gentle, but they were just as explosive.

We finally fell asleep in each other's arms. It was perfect.

* * *

_**2005 – Present**_

"Sounds like you two are still in love with each other," Zafrina commented.

"I don't think so. If he truly loved me he would not have cheated and we would be married right now."

"Perhaps, but you also baked him a pie and he called you," she countered. "I also see some pretty impressive diamond studs in your ears." After Edward gave me the earrings I wore them constantly. It became habit for me to put them on that I still continued to wear them now.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter. I can't give him another chance. Not now, not ever. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"People do change, however it's good that you have this time apart. You both seem to need to grow and learn. I think it's good for the two of you."

I thought on what Zafrina said. People could change, but Edward only proved to me that he was still the womanizing boy I met in high school. I couldn't go back to that, I had to move on.

Zafrina slammed her hands on the table causing me to jump in fright.

"I know what you need," she began. I looked at her expectantly. "You need a good party and I have just the one for you. I was invited to a new year's bash at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. The invitation states a plus one. Why don't you come with me?"

"Oh…ummm…I don't know."

"Do you have plans already?" I shook my head. "So, come then. I guarantee you'll have a great time."

I sighed. It was either the party or a tub of ice cream and Ryan Seacrest. "Okay, I'll go." She squealed in delight.

"Perfect. I'll call you with all the details. This will be great!"

We finished off another round of beers and split the bill. We said our goodbyes giving each other a kiss on the cheek.

Christmas came around and I made my customary phone calls to the family. They gave their thanks at the gifts I sent them and I did the same. I called Alice who filled me in on the Cullen family, except for Edward which was totally fine by me.

"Hey Alice, I need a favor."

"Anything for you. You know you're like my sister."

"Yes, I know and I love you for that. Well, I was invited to a New Year's Eve party and I need an outfit."

Alice screeched into the phone. "Bella, that's wonderful!"

"My ear, Alice," I admonished.

"Sorry! Yes, of course, I'll help you. Expect a package in two days."

"Thank you, Alice." She was silent for a moment and I knew what she was thinking.

"So, who's the lucky guy?"

"Umm…actually, girl…woman. She's a co-worker, an art professor."

"Oh, okay," she paused. "That's good. I'm sure you'll have fun. I need to get going though. Expect the package. Call me when you get it." Alice was acting strange; she never rushed me off the phone.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, just fine," she said curtly.

"Okay. Well, thanks again. I'll speak to you soon." She hung up without saying goodbye, a first for her. I realized then that Alice probably thought I was replacing her.

"Silly Alice, no one can replace you," I said aloud.

Two days later, as promised, there was a package from Alice. She sent me a complete outfit. There was a black one-shoulder goddess dress that fell just above my knees. It had pleated and draped detailing and was tight to my body showing of all of my curves. She included black stain pumps which had bows on them. There was also a black clutch and even bow hairclips. Leave it to Alice to think of every last detail.

I took a picture with my phone and sent it to Alice with a thank you text. I also told her that she would always be my best friend and no one could ever take her place.

Finally New Year's Eve arrived and I was ready to party for a change. I put my hair up in a messy bun with loose tendrils falling around my face. I used the hairclips to pin other strands down. I completed the look with some eye makeup to give them a smoky look and lip gloss.

Zafrina called to let me know she was leaving and to meet her at the museum. I hailed a cab and arrived just as Zafrina did. She looked stunning in a long emerald green dress that accentuated her height. Her hair was up in a French twist showing her long neck lines.

"Bella!" She hugged me. "You look absolutely gorgeous." I blushed as I always did.

"Thank you! You look marvelous; you make me look like cut glass."

"Oh stop that! You really look amazing. I wouldn't lie to you." She gave me a genuine smile which I returned. "Shall we then?" I nodded.

The museum had been transformed. Black curtains hung from the ceiling protecting the masterpieces from all the drunkards. It almost looked like a nightclub with disco balls hanging from the ceiling. There were a dozen bars situated around the main hall and smaller tables for people to place their drinks. Waiters were walking around passing out hors d'oeuvres.

Zafrina introduced me to some of her art peers and promised them we would visit their upcoming exhibits. I liked my time with her. She was unpretentious unlike some of the other professors at Penn and she was a great dancer. She could give Rosalie a run for her money.

The hours ticked down to the new year and soon we were minutes away. A long table holding hundreds of champagne flutes was wheeled into the hall. Each glass was filled with the bubbly, sweet drink then handed to all the patrons.

"Are you excited, Bella?" Zafrina asked. "This is a new year, a new beginning." She grabbed hold of my hand.

"Yes. Thank you for inviting me. This is the most fun I had in a very long time!" I yelled out so she could hear me over the music.

She squeezed me hand. "Good. I'm glad."

The countdown began. "10…9…8…7…"

Zafrina and I looked at each other and smiled.

"3…2…1…Happy New Year!"

Couples everywhere began to give the celebratory kisses. It was nice to see people happy for a change. I felt a tug on my hand and turned to Zafrina. She looked anxious and as I was about to ask her what was wrong, she leaned in and kissed me. Her soft lips found my frigid ones. I had never kissed a woman before tonight.

I wasn't sure what to do. She placed a hand on my cheek and I relaxed at her touch and began to gently kiss her back. This was certainly different from any of the kisses I had with Edward, but it was nice nonetheless.

She broke away from me and instantly apologized.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have…"

"No," I interrupted, "it's okay. It was nice."

"Really?" I nodded. "Okay." She gave me another smile and we continued to party into the night.

A new year, a new beginning indeed.

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**AN: Yes, Zafrina. She is integral to Bella's growth, trust me. There will be some sexy time between the two, but I will ask you guys if you want me to write full on lemons involving them or just have it implied. **

**Also, I do not know if UW has a joint pre-med/med school program or not, but for the purpose of my story, it does. There are links to their outfits in my profile.**

**Review please. Tell me what you think. :o)**


	10. Chapter 9: Acrobat

**AN: Here's my author's note for this chapter… I saw the extended trailer for New Moon. I expect more dreams of Robert Pattinson (because every time I see him, I dream about him. I shit you not). **

**I was disappointed with some reviews that I received. I love all reviews, but when I get reviews claiming distaste for my characters choices (in this case, Bella and Zafrina kissing), it does bother me. I thought everyone would be a little more open-minded, but I guess not. If two find women kissing too disgusting for you, then do not continue reading. I have not decided if I will write them having sex, but if I do, I will let everyone know beforehand.**

**Much love to Zhivago3, my sounding board. Without her, this chapter would be a dud. **

**On another note… can someone please explain to me the whole "looking through the lashes" thing that I see often written in stories? How does one achieve this? I have pretty long lashes and I can't seem to look through them. Is this supposed to be sexy? It confuses the hell out of me. Someone enlighten me please!!!!**

**Oh… and sorry for the delay and the length of this author's note…**

**Disclaimer: as always, I do not own twilight, only naughty thoughts of Rob…

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**Chapter 9 – Acrobat**

_**BPOV**_

The rest of the night passed in a daze for me. All I could think about was the kiss with Zafrina. Throughout the night I would absentmindedly press my fingers to my lips, still feeling her soft mouth on them. I never kissed a woman before and, honestly, it wasn't so bad.

Once the party was over, Zafrina and I shared a cab ride home. I lived closer to the museum so we stopped at my place first. Zafrina had the driver wait as she walked me to the front door.

"Hey, listen," she said nervously. "I'm really sorry. I know you said it was okay, but I still feel bad and I just hope…"

I grabbed her by the back of her neck and gently kissed her before she could continue. We were both blushing and giggling like little school girls when we pulled apart.

"I've never done something like that before," I smiled sheepishly.

"Sure you did, earlier this evening," she recalled, grinning.

"No, not the kiss, the taking initiative part. Ed...he always took the lead in anything we did sexually. I was too shy to ever make the first move."

"Well, you certainly weren't shy now and I rather enjoyed it," she smirked.

I glanced around not sure what else to do or say. "So…umm…" Here I stood, an English professor and I was completely at a loss for words.

"I guess I should get going. The meter's running in the cab anyway." She leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss on my cheek. "I'll call you soon. Thank you for coming out tonight."

"It was my pleasure, Zafrina. Thank you for inviting me out." I watched as Zafrina walked back to the waiting taxi. I dug into my purse, brought out my keys and headed inside.

Once in my apartment I kicked off my shoes. I changed into my pajamas and readied myself for bed.

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_**1999 – End of Senior Year in College**_

_**EPOV**_

"Bella?" I called out walking into our apartment. I skimmed through the mail lying on the foyer table. Bills, more bills, and letters from Dartmouth and Stanford addressed to Bella.

"In the kitchen!"

I made my way to the kitchen stopping when I saw Bella bent over a box.

"Mmm," I moaned, "now there's a sight to behold."

"Pervert," she laughed.

"I can't help it, you look glorious and oh so fuckable." She stood up and looked at me before grabbing the dishes on the counter to pack up. "What? You're going to ignore me now?"

"No, it's just…" she blushed.

"Geez, Bella, after all of these years together, you still get embarrassed by the things I say. You're beautiful. You're gorgeous, and damn it, I want to fuck you all the time, so sue me," I shrugged.

"I'm sorry." I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be sorry. There's nothing to apologize for really." I walked closer to her. "Here, let me help you finish." I began helping her pack all the kitchen utensils and appliances into the boxes. "The guys are going to be here around eight for the move."

Now that Bella had graduated, we were moving closer to the hospital so I wouldn't have to drive home after a long shift. Bella constantly worried that I would fall asleep at the wheel of the car.

"That sounds good. I'm really excited, Edward. It's like a new beginning for us again," she smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes.

Bella and I have been together since high school and I never knew her to not be enthusiastic about anything we did together. She became the epitome of the perfect girlfriend. When I was horny, she fucked me. When I was hungry, she fed me. When I needed my space, she let me be. She always knew what I needed, sometimes even before I did.

I couldn't help notice, though, that she did things for me, but rarely ever for herself. She was completely selfless, to a fault. She lost the fire in her eyes and I missed that about her.

"Hey, Bella, since we won't have anything here to cook with, do you want to go out and grab a bite?' I asked wrapping a glass in newspaper.

"Sure, whatever you want to do is fine," she answered.

"What are you in the mood to eat?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you want is fine. You know I like anything you pick out," she smiled.

_Whatever you want_. That was Bella's new mantra. I almost felt like Prince Akeem in _Coming to America_. In order to get her to choose, I would sometimes have to resort to arguing with her, but I was in no mood to argue today.

"Fine," I sighed.

We finished packing and moved all the boxes to the living room. We would tape everything closed in the morning when Emmett and Jasper arrived.

I took Bella to her favorite Italian restaurant in the area. It was a small place but she loved the mushroom ravioli they made. We were moving some distance away and I knew we wouldn't be able to visit as often.

While we waited for our food we spoke about my day at the hospital. I was well into my internship and things were getting pretty hectic with the intern exam coming up. I was one of the youngest in the program so there was a lot of pressure from my parents, particularly my father, to succeed.

I asked Bella about her graduate school plans. She just graduated last week but never mentioned anything of her future. We both were always concerned about what was going on with me that it wasn't often that we spoke about her plans. It may have seemed as though our lives revolved solely around me and my work, but I wanted Bella to succeed as well. I knew she would be good at whatever she did.

"I'm enrolling into the teaching program at UW," she said flatly.

"You don't sound too happy. Is that what you really want to do?"

"Yeah, sure why not? It's a good program and I would be placed as a teaching assistant after a year while I finished working on my master's," she said as if trying to convince herself it was a good idea.

I cocked a brow at her. "You know you received some mail from Stanford and Dartmouth. Have you considered them as well?"

Her eyes flashed with hope, and then it was gone. "No, I mean… I would never go that far unless you... Did you want me to leave?" she questioned.

"Whoa, Bella," I reached across the table for her hand. "I don't want you to leave; I just want you to consider all of your options…"

"Edward, I will be anywhere you will be, so it doesn't matter. You want to stay in Seattle and I will gladly stay here. Besides, it's cheaper. I wouldn't be able to afford any of those schools, so there is no point in discussing this further," she argued.

The food arrived effectively ending the conversation. I wasn't finished though. All of her decisions, if you wanted to call them that, revolved around me. These were life choices that needed to be handled, but she threw them to the wayside. Of course I wanted her to be with me – she was my life – but not at the expense of hers.

Even with little things like choosing a place to eat, she would defer to me. The move was the same way. Apartment hunting was frustrating as her response to what she thought of a place was "what do you think?" Worse yet was the sex. Sex was always good between us, but more and more I was the one initiating and dominating in the bedroom. I knew she wanted it, I would see it in her eyes, but she hardly ever made the first move anymore. I was beyond frustrated.

We finished our dinner and drove back home in silence. I noticed Bella grab the letters from the schools and throw them away. When Bella went to shower, I took the letters out of the garbage. I was surprised at what I read.

"Whatcha got there?" Bella asked entering the living room in only her towel. The water droplets were glistening on her skin and I felt my cock twitch. If I didn't want to talk about what I had in my hands, I would have taken her right there.

"Bella," I began," I'm sorry, but I opened the letters."

"You went through the garbage and my mail?" she asked angrily. I nodded. "I can't believe you. Why would you do that?"

"I was curious. You just threw them away without even a glance. And you should know something."

"Oh and what's that?" she crossed her arms in front of her.

"Both schools offered you teaching fellowships, all expenses paid."

"What?!" She yanked the letters from my hands and quickly skimmed through them. "I don't believe it."

"Why not? Bella, you are so smart and you deserve this just as much as anyone."

"But what am I going to do?" She flopped down onto the couch next to me.

"Bella, love, you have to do what you think is right for you," I answered.

"What do you want me to do?" I shook my head.

"This isn't about what I want you to do. This is about you and what you want." As much as I wanted her to stay, I also couldn't allow her to pass up this opportunity because of me. If she chose to stay here because of what I wanted, she would regret it later in life and even begin to resent me. That's the last thing I wanted.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Of course I do, but again this about you. I can't leave the internship now, it's too late otherwise I would follow you, but I love you and thousands of miles wouldn't stop that. We would make it work. I can't make this decision for you. This is your life."

"So you want me to leave?" I pinched the bridge of my nose trying not to get upset at her thinking I wanted her to leave again.

"I didn't say that," I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders and drew her close to me. "It would kill me for you to leave, but I want what's best for you, not me." God, how I wanted her to stay, but I couldn't let her know. I didn't want to influence her.

"It would kill me, too, to be apart from you. These are all great opportunities, but I already made my choice and that's you. I'm staying at UW." I secretly jumped for joy in my head.

I lifted my head to her chin and turned her to face me. I looked directly into her big, brown eyes. "You are absolutely sure this is what you want?"

"Yes. I want this." This time she gave me a genuine smile. I smiled in return and brushed my lips against hers.

"Thank you." I kissed her eyes lids. "Thank you for making a choice." For choosing me, yes, but more importantly for choosing for herself.

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_**2005-2006**_

I looked at my watch. It was half an hour to midnight. The whole family was at my parents' house along with the rest of Seattle society. This was the first party I was attending without a date; the first in a long time without Bella. I didn't go anywhere the year before as I was still wallowing in my misery from my break with Bella.

I hid out of sight on the staircase, watching everyone below enjoy themselves and get drunk. There were some single women there, probably trying to get themselves into my pants, but I had no interest in them. I only wanted Bella and I couldn't have her anymore.

Alice walked pass me talking animatedly on the phone.

"Wait, hold on a second, I'm going someplace quieter," she told whoever she was talking to on the other line.

She disappeared into the bathroom at the top of the stairs and I continued my people watching, still not interested in mingling. In the past, Bella and I would stand in a corner and make fun of all the socialites getting the evil eye from my both of our mothers. It was always nice to ring the New Year in with her by my side.

Alice opened the door and screamed out for Rosalie. "Get in here!"

"Alice, it's almost midnight. What do you want and why are you hiding in the bathroom?"

"Bella's on the line, she's got something to tell us." I whipped my head around to Alice. She shook my head letting me know that it wasn't for me to hear. As soon as Rosalie was in and the door closed, I quietly stalked to the door and pressed my ear against it. "Bella, you're on speaker now."

Perfect. I was able to hear the whole conversation now.

"Hey, Rosalie!" Bella yelled.

"Bella, we miss you! I wish you could have been here and Happy New Year!" Rosalie exclaimed. Bella was three hours ahead and already celebrated. "How was the party?"

"The party was great. It was fun hanging out with all the artsy folk."

"That's wonderful to hear, but what's the big news?" Rosalie asked, always one to get to the point.

"Bella kissed someone," Alice said excitedly. I instantly saw red.

I knew it was no longer my business, but I still couldn't help getting jealous. I fucked up, but ultimately she was mine, right?

I controlled my temper so I can continue listening to the conversation.

"Who is he? What's his name? Is he hot?" Rosalie inquired.

"Relax there, Columbo, it was a co-worker."

"Not that Tyler guy I hope," Alice sneered.

"Ew, no. I haven't spoken to him since that disastrous date thankfully. Anyway, it was an art professor."

"Ohhhh...is he eccentric? You know all of those artsy folk are freaks in bed. Well, I've heard anyway. It's good to expand your horizons, try a bit of the buffet."

"Right…" Bella mumbled something and the girls were quiet. I pressed harder against the door hoping I wasn't missing anything.

Alice spoke up first. "Can you repeat that because it sounded like you said you kissed a girl?"

"I did." _What?_ Did I fuck her up so much that she's turning to other women now? What the hell did I do? She did sound embarrassed, maybe it wasn't something she really wanted to do.

"It's okay, Bella. It's not the end of the world. I've kissed a woman before; it doesn't make me a lesbian. You were drunk and had some fun. It's a story to tell your kids in the future."

"That's the thing, Rose. I wasn't drunk and I think I may really like her. I'm not ready for any type of long term relationship, but she's really sweet." Perhaps this is a passing phase. The fact that she doesn't want more gives me some hope.

"Well, you really are sampling from the buffet then, huh?" Rosalie chuckled. "Well, we won't judge you, but she will still need to get approved by us."

"Whenever you guys are out here again and if we're still dating, or whatever it is that we're doing, you are more than welcome to give her the third degree."

"Yeah!" I heard Alice clapping. "Guys the countdown is starting here. Bella, you can ring in the new year with us…again."

"Sure!"

The door opened suddenly and I almost fell to the ground before Rose caught me. Alice glared at me and walked back downstairs to her husband. I followed closely behind.

"Jasper, Emmett, Bella's on the phone."

"Hey Bella!" they yelled in unison.

"Hey guys!" Before they could get anything else in, the countdown began.

"5…4…3…2…1...Happy New Year!!!"

"Happy New Year, Bella!" Alice screamed into the phone. "We miss you and love you! We'll call you soon!"

Alice was about to hang up the phone, but I snatched it away from her.

"Bella? Bella, are you still there?" I looked at the phone to see that the time was still clicking. "I know you're there, please talk to me."

"Edward." I sighed in relief at the sound of my name.

"How are you?"

"I have to go…"

"Bella, wait…" She hung up before I could continue.

I stared at the phone in disbelief.

"She doesn't want to talk to you, Edward. She's not ready for it. You have to give her time," Alice reasoned. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough," I spat out. "Women? I messed up so badly that she doesn't want anything to do with men now?"

"Don't flatter yourself, it wasn't only you. And besides, who knows if it's going to last. This is new to her. I'll just suggest again to give her time. If and when she's ready, she'll let you back in, but I wouldn't expect that anytime soon."

"Right," I nodded.

"Come on, Eddie," I cringed at the use of the nickname. "Let's enjoy the rest of the night and just think about her later. Mom and Dad would appreciate it if you were here tonight for a change."

"I am here."

"You know what I mean." I did understand and she was right, I needed to move on and enjoy my life again and that started with my family.

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**AN: So this is the beginning of Bella taking action with her life. I know I normally keep the flashbacks in the same POV as the present POV, but I wanted to show how Edward was frustrated with Bella not taking initiative on anything because she was a little too devoted to him. She was losing herself and didn't know it. Now she's on her own and being aggressive about what she wants. It's about time.**

**FYI: **_**Coming to America**_** is a great movie starring Eddie Murphy. If you haven't seen, you need to! **_**Columbo**_** was a detective show back in the '80s starring Peter Falk.**

**I'm entering the Esme's Erotic Ecstasy Contest hosted by kikikinz and coldplaywhore. That one-shot will be up soon, so if you want to read it be sure you have me on author's alert.**

**One last thing… It's my birthday bitches!!! Leave me some birthday love and review, review, review….**


	11. Chapter 10: Big Girls Are Best

**AN: *Hears crickets* Anyone still out there? Two months is a bit for an update, but in all fairness, I have been doing other writing. I wrote two one-shots and you need to go read those and vote (details at the end).**

**This chapter was brought to you by the letters W and C (writing challenges), without them, I would still be waiting for this chapter to finish. **

**Thanks to my Zhivago3 for looking this one over and not slapping me into submission.**

**Disclaimer: I don't know Twilight (duh!) but I now have a huge collection of RobPorn (and people need to leave him and Kristen alone, I'm not a shipper, but geez, let them be!)**

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**Chapter 10 – Big Girls Are Best**

_**BPOV**_

I had nothing to say to him. Not yet anyway. I hung up on Edward before he could say anything else to me. I just didn't want to hear his voice, not then. My mind was a jumbled mess of emotions after the kiss with Zafrina; I couldn't handle dealing with him as well.

The next day I stayed home and let all calls go straight to voicemail. Zafrina called several times, but I couldn't handle what being with her would mean for me. Did this make me a lesbian? Rose said no, but I did feel a connection to her, not as profound as with Edward, but it was there.

The kiss was soft and gentle, something I hadn't had since Edward, and I could still feel the way she moved against my lips. My mind just didn't know how to process it yet. I wanted to see her again, that I knew, but…

Fuck, I was so confused!

What if she wanted to take things further? Would I be up for that?

I slept in for most of the day, my thoughts going back and forth between Zafrina and the anguish I heard in Edward's voice. He was surrounded by his family and, I was sure, hoards of horny women he could bed, so why the sadness? It didn't make any sense.

After a while I decided to finally get my lazy ass out of bed. The new semester was beginning the next day and I needed to get prepared. I took a quick shower and grabbed some coffee before I sat down and began my work.

My phone rang again and I saw that it was Zafrina. I ignored the call earlier, I couldn't do it again.

"Hello," I answered.

"Bella? Hi, it's Zafrina."

"Hey, how are you?"

"Umm…I'm great. I wanted to see how you were holding up today. Not hungover are you?" There was doubt laced in her tone and I knew she was worried that I may have been drunk when we kissed.

"Not at all, I was never drunk last night," I assured her.

"Oh, that's great!" I smiled at the relief in her voice. "Listen, I just wanted to say that I had a wonderful time last night and…well…"

"Zafrina, I had a great time, too, and I hope we can do it again soon."

"Really? I am so glad you said that."

I giggled. "I was very sober last night and I enjoyed myself. I wouldn't change a minute of it." Well, that was a lie. I would have hung up the phone the moment Edward came on the line.

"Well, good then. Are you busy Wednesday?" she asked.

"No, I'm not; luckily this is an easy week for me." We made plans to meet for dinner and hung up.

I had a feeling I could make this work. I never had feelings for another woman, but there was something about Zafrina that I found profoundly endearing. Not only that, she was pretty on the eyes and I felt like a teenager around her, the way I used to feel around Edward.

I went to bed that night happy for the first time in a while.

**~*~**

Time passed and my relationship with Zafrina was slowly growing. It was so different being with a woman. She was fast becoming my best friend and I couldn't be more grateful. She actually got me! I didn't have to explain anything and whenever I was brooding, she knew when to leave me alone.

I felt slightly guilty about having Zafrina in my life. I realized I hadn't called Alice or Rosalie as often as I used to and I was sure they felt it.

"Bella, long time, no hear," Alice said, her voice laced with sarcasm. I had finally called Alice towards the end of January. The last time I had spoken to her was New Year's Day.

"Hey, Alice. How-"

"Don't 'hey, Alice' me woman, where the hell have you been this whole month?" she seethed.

"The semester started, I've been busy with school," I explained.

"Bullshit. You were never too busy before to call us and you used to call us practically every day." She was right. Before Zafrina I called Alice or Rose almost daily. I valued that connection with my old life, but now that I had someone to occupy my hours, it was a different game for me.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"Is it Zafrina? You've been spending a lot of time with her, haven't you?" I nodded before forgetting she couldn't see me.

"Yes. She's really sweet and well, I really like her."

"So you two are, like, dating now?" I could hear the curiosity in her voice.

"Yes-"

"Wow," she cut me off again. "Are you guys… umm…having sex? How does that work, anyway?"

That was actually a good question that I had no answer to since Zafrina and I had not been intimate save for some over-the-clothes touching. Those actions didn't seem different from what Edward and I used to do in the past.

"Ummm…well… we haven't done anything yet, except for kissing and maybe a few touches here and there," I answered.

"How was it?"

"The same as if Jasper was touching you. I mean so far it's not that different. Well, softer maybe, I guess?"

"Intriguing," she said sounding awed by what I told her.

"Valentine's is coming up. Do you have any plans?"

"None that I know of right now. I know Zafrina said she was going to handle it, but she hasn't said anything to me."

"So, what? Is Zafrina the man in the relationship?"

I scoffed at Alice's ignorance. "I wouldn't say that, but she has done this before so I'm letting her take the reins. I'm so new to this I wouldn't even know where to begin on taking the next steps with her, you know?"

"I can understand that. I just care about one thing," she started.

"What's that?"

"That you're happy. Are you happy?"

Was I happy? I hadn't cried in over two months. I was certainly laughing and smiling more. I knew my heart raced and my face lit up anytime I saw Zafrina enter a room. She was good for me.

"Yes. I'm actually really happy. Something I haven't felt in a long time."

"Good. That's all I wanted to hear. I have to get going, but you better call us more often. We worry about you over here. You go without calling us for too long and we're on the next flight out there," she chided.

"Yes, mother," I giggled.

"Love you, babes. Speak to you soon."

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_**2001**_

Edward picked me up and spun me around. "I'm so proud of you!" he exclaimed before planting a kiss on my mouth.

The tears were beginning to stream down my face. I had finally finished. I graduated with my Masters in English Literature and already had a position as a teaching assistant at the university. Everything was falling into place for me and I couldn't be happier.

Edward was doing well with the beginning of his residency, though he was still undecided about his specialty. Being the perfect man that he was, he was pretty much good in any field. Of course, this also meant that he was called in for all major surgeries and experimental procedures. I barely saw him anymore. Sharing this day with him meant that much more to me.

"Thank you for being here, Edward," I said when I finally calmed down.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world, love," he said lovingly. He gazed into my eyes, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I love you, Bella. I want to be there for every event in your life. You know that." He brushed his lips against mine gently.

Yes, I did know that. Edward was busy, but he always made the time for me.

I pulled away. "Is the rest of the family here?" Edward was the first to see me once the ceremony was over, waiting for me at the entrance of the arena.

"Yes, they are waiting for us by the car." He grabbed my hand and led me to the parking lot where the rest of the family was indeed waiting for me. My parents and Edward's, along with his siblings and Rosalie and Jasper, were standing there with huge smiles and cameras at the ready.

I shook my head. "You guys are corny."

"You have a degree in English lit and that's the best you could do," Rose smirked.

"Shut up." She quirked an eyebrow. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, quote some Shakespeare or something." I rolled my eyes.

"That's high school shit."

"Bella," admonished my mother. Apparently I had a degree in my hand, but I was still young enough to be chastised for my language.

"Sorry, mom."

"Oh, who gives a shit? Come here and give me a hug." My mother hugged me tightly. I looked at my father with wide eyes and he just shrugged.

I let my mother go and walked over to my father. He patted me on the back, "Good job, kiddo." He was a man of few words. I wasn't entirely sure where my love of words came from, but I knew it didn't come from my parents.

Esme and Carlisle each gave me a hug, before passing me onto Rose, who seemed to lose the snarky attitude, and Alice, who was bouncing with excitement.

"You did it! Now let's go celebrate!"

I groaned. As much as I wanted to celebrate, I was looking forward to some alone time with Edward. He had the whole day off from the hospital and I didn't want to waste anymore time. He also looked delectable in his navy blue suit and I wanted him out of it in a hurry.

Sensing my need, Edward leaned towards me and whispered, "Don't worry, we only have lunch with them. Dessert is waiting for you back home." He nipped my neck and I was glad he was holding onto me or I surely would have fallen to the ground.

Edward arranged for us to eat a local diner knowing I didn't want anyone going insane over my graduation. I still had my work cut out for me as I needed to eventually work on getting my doctorates if I ever wanted to become a full-fledged professor. For now, I had my job as teaching assistant and I would make the most of it.

We arrived at the diner and no sooner after settling in, Edward's phone began buzzing.

"Shit," he groaned. "It's the hospital. Love, I have to take this. I'll be right back." I nodded as he stepped outside to take the call. The rest of the family spoke animatedly about the ceremony and what was in store for me and Edward. I tuned them out as I stared out the window at Edward. He looked annoyed and I wondered if everything was okay with the job. The conversation ended and he came quickly over and kneeled in front of me.

"Is everything all right, Edward?" He ran his hand through his hair, something he did when he was stressed.

"Bella, love," he shook his head. I frowned knowing he was not about to give me any good news. "I have to go. One of my patients is having complications from the surgery and I need to take care of him."

"But, today is your day off, can't they get someone else?" I protested.

"I wish it were that simple. It _is_ my day off, but you know I'm still always on call. Besides, it would take too long to get another doctor up to speed. Baby, I am so, so sorry." He cupped my cheek in his hand. "I will make it up to you. I promise." He kissed my forehead, stood and said his goodbyes to the rest of the family.

What was meant to be one of the happiest days in my life turned sour as Edward walked out of the diner. I put no blame on him as it was the nature of his profession, but I had hoped for a reprieve from his hectic life. At least I was still surrounded by family and I had just accomplished one of my goals. I couldn't have asked more from life at that point in time.

I wasn't sure what time Edward came home that night, but he woke me up with feather kisses on my shoulder and whispered apologies for missing out on the rest of my day. He indeed made it up to me with his words and body. He was sweet and tender and brought me to orgasm several times. I truly couldn't have asked for a better ending to the day.

**

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**

_**2006**_

I was dressed and ready to go, waiting for Zafrina to arrive. She was taking me out for Valentine's Day, but wouldn't tell me where. The only hint she gave me was to wear something loose fitting but nice and wash my hands. I chose a light blue cowl neck sweater and a pair of jeans with my black stiletto boots. I couldn't fathom where she was taking me, all I could do was trust her.

Zafrina called at six thirty letting me know she was approaching my building. I told her I would meet her downstairs so not to waste money on the taxi meter. I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips when I saw her; I didn't want the driver to see much else.

"So, where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise. You're going to enjoy it. It's one of my favorite places to go. Oh, and be prepared to eat…a lot."

"A lot of food? Are you taking me to a buffet?" I asked curiously.

"Buffet? Never that," she said patting my knee. "This is a hundred times better than a buffet, tastier too."

I stared out the window trying to figure out where we were going. The driver turned down South Street and I knew there were a few decent restaurants there, but none that offered a lot of food. The car stopped suddenly.

"Okay, that'll be seven fifty," the cab driver said turning the meter off. Zafrina reached into her purse and took out the bills to pay. We were dropped off in front of what appeared to be an alley way, the only restaurants in sight were further down the block. _Where was she taking me?_

"This way," Zafrina called, walking down the alley. I noticed then what Zafrina was wearing. We were similarly dressed, but her jeans were tighter, defining the curves of her ass. I couldn't help but stare, it was a beautiful sight. She must have sensed that I was staring because she turned around and winked. She also began to sway her hips a bit more as she continued down the alley.

I followed her still not seeing anything. At the end of the street were a few small homes, but nothing that indicated a place to eat. We stopped in front a non-descript door and Zafrina knocked. I finally saw the Arabic symbols along the wall, but before I could ask her about them, the door opened.

"Welcome to Marrakesh, do you have a reservation?" the man asked.

"Yes, reservation for two under Silva," Zafrina stated. The man motioned us inside.

My eyes had to adjust to the dimly lit room before I could take anything in. The room was small, with pillow covered benches laying low to the ground. The tables were also set low making you feel as though you were sitting on the floor. There were maroon, dark green and gold drapes along the walls as well as miniature statues of Islamic figures. I felt as if I stepped into other world.

"What is this place?" I whispered to Zafrina as we were seated.

"This place is called Marrakesh and probably has the best and most authentic Moroccan food on the east coast. I hope you haven't eaten today because you're going to need the room in your belly and you will want to eat everything." My interest was definitely piqued. I've never had Moroccan food so I was looking forward to the new tastes on my palette.

Our server came and placed towels on our laps in lieu of napkins. Next to him was a young girl holding a steaming kettle and big bowl. She placed the bowl in the center of the table and gestured for us to bring our hands over it. She proceeded to pour the warm water over our waiting hands and gave us each a towel.

I looked over at Zafrina and she must have sensed my confusion. I'd never had my hands washed at the table before.

"You're going to do a lot of eating with your hands," Zafrina whispered to me. I glanced down at the table and realized there were no utensils. I raised my brows; this was definitely a new experience for me.

We ordered our drinks first. Zafrina recommended a sweet drink that tasted and smelled of roses. The bread came out next, followed by hummus, cucumber and tomato, and _zaalouk_ salads which were accompanied by even more pita bread.

I didn't know what to do or how to eat the food, since I was so used to eating with a knife and fork.

"Watch and learn," Zafrina instructed. She ripped a piece of pita bread and, holding it between her two fingers, she used it to pick up pieces of the cucumbers and tomatoes. She opened her mouth to take a bite, but stopped. She turned to me with a wicked grin on her face. "Open," she commanded in a husky tone.

I did as told sticking my tongue out a little. Zafrina placed the food in my mouth and I began to gently bite down. I expected her to remove her fingers quickly, but instead they lingered. I froze for a second before lightly gliding my tongue over them, taking everything she had offered into my mouth. I heard her moan lowly and smiled, knowing I elicited that sound from her.

"I think I got it now," I said, my voice dropping slightly.

"You sure do."

We polished off the rest of the salads and were served the next dish, chopped chicken in a sweet almond sauce covered with a flaky pastry dough and powdered sugar. It was a messy dish and I was getting sugar all over myself. Zafrina noticed and gingerly eased her hand under my chin and held it. With her thumb, she wiped what I assumed was sugar from the corner of my mouth. She brought her hand back to her and licked her thumb.

"Mmmm…tastier than I thought it would be," she mused. My pulse picked up considerably. She smirked and continued eating. I blinked a few times to compose myself and continued with my meal as well.

The food kept coming and I was soon being stuffed with lamb, more chicken, baklava, and grapes. We were fed a seven course meal. I was trying desperately to not unfasten my pants.

"Zafrina, I'm dying here," I said with a satisfied grin.

"Wasn't it all delicious though?" She leaned back against the decorative pillows and took a deep breath. "So much food, but I love coming here."

I looked around the room and saw mostly couples and few groups. This was definitely a more romantic scene and I began to wonder how many times Zafrina has been here with other women. The pang of jealousy hit me and I chided myself. I hadn't dated in a long time and being with a woman was completely new to me, but Zafrina had been in the game for a while. She had only ever been in one serious relationship, but she informed me that she was with a few women in the past, too. What was a few?

"Bella, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," I lied.

"Please tell me. I want there to be complete honesty between the two of us." She placed her hand over mine and squeezed gently.

"I… it's silly."

"If it's silly then it won't matter if you tell me," she smiled.

"Well, you said you love coming here, so I assumed you come often…"

"And," she urged.

"And…I was curious to know how many other women you've brought here." I felt my face blushing furiously.

Zafrina laughed. "Bella," she started. "Darling, I love coming here, but it's not often. There's just way too much food for me to enjoy on a consistent basis. I've been a few times with groups of people. Despite the romantic ambience, this is a great place for groups. A lot of my art friends and I enjoy it. We generally eat upstairs though when it's a huge group of us." She pointed towards the door and I spotted the stairs.

"Oh…"

"I've only brought one other person here on a date and that was Senna," she explained. She and Senna had been together for 3 years before Senna cheated on her. We apparently had a lot in common.

"I'm sorry-"

"No need to apologize, you've been through a lot of shit with your ex, as have I, so I understand your wariness and maybe jealousy too, but you don't have to worry with me. I will always be upfront with you about anything. One hundred percent honest!" She raised her hand as if swearing on a bible which made me laugh.

"I believe you, and thank you. I need the honesty. It seems I've been living a lie for a few years now, so it's definitely refreshing."

"I've got you now," she winked. She gestured for the check and once everything was paid we walked outside.

"So what's next on the agenda?" I asked, pulling my coat tighter to brace against the cold.

"I didn't have much else planned for tonight. I thought I'll let you decide what to do next."

"Oh…well…I guess we can take a little stroll and walk off the food some," I suggested.

"Perfect. I am about to burst at the seams, a walk will be good."

We walked along South Street, stopping at all of the pagan stores and admiring the silver jewelry. We passed Condom Kingdom and on a whim I thought it would be cool to go inside.

I stopped in front of the display of toys and vibrators. I was never one to use toys before for self pleasure although Alice and Rosalie kept insisting that I buy one for all of the lonely Edward-less nights. Edward kept me satisfied enough when he was around; I just never felt the need.

Zafrina came to stand next to me. "This one is my favorite," she said pointing to a sparkly vibrator.

I picked up the toy for a closer examination. "Sparkly? Really? Does it glow in the dark too?" I asked stifling a giggle.

"No, but trust me, it works wonders." She snatched it out of my hand and placed it back on the display case. She walked away and I glanced back at the contraption in front of me. It wouldn't hurt to have something in the house and I had been getting extra horny lately.

"Oh why the hell not," I said aloud. My decision made, I grabbed the sparkly toy and strolled nonchalantly to the cashier. Once purchased, I made my way to the front door where Zafrina was waiting.

"Bought something you liked?" she smirked. I blushed slightly, embarrassed about the contents of my bag. "Oh, don't get embarrassed, it's a normal thing to buy really." She pushed the door open and I followed her outside into the cold night.

It was getting late and we both decided it was a good time to go home. We shared a cab again and I was dropped off first.

"Thank you, Zafrina. I had a really great time tonight. The food was amazing and you, well, you are a beautiful person. I couldn't ask for a better friend and…" I struggled for the next words. We were definitely more than friends, but how did you define our relationship?

"And…hopefully lover," she continued for me. I felt my face heating up again. Yes, lover. "I will wait for you when you're ready and I will take it slow with you. Though," she paused, biting her lip, "I hope you'll let me use that new toy on you one day."

I was in full blown blush mode now. "Umm…y…yes…" I stuttered.

"I'm sorry," she looked down, "I didn't mean to be so forward."

"It's okay, Zafrina. I would like that…one day." I lifted her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I'll call you later, okay?" She nodded.

I climbed out of the taxi and headed upstairs. I eyed my purchase and shrugged.

"Might as well get some practice in now…"

* * *

**AN: How do you like? B & Z's relationship is growing and you see the tension in E & B's relationship. These things do happen…**

**On a one-shot note: I entered into two contests and you guys need to go quickly and read and vote.**

**1) kikiwhore presents Esme's Erotic Ecstasy - My story, The Masquerade can be found here: ****http://www****. fanfiction. net/s/5470750/1/The_Masquerade (minus the spaces) and the contest link is: ****http://www****. fanfiction. net/u/2079696/# Voting ends the 14****th****, so go read and vote!!!!**

**2) Eric and his Great Pumpkin – This is a Southern Vampire Mysteries story (what True Blood is based on) so it's a bit different, but lemons abound regardless: The French Connection:  
****http://www****. fanfiction .net/s/5457843/1/The_French_Connection and the contest link: ****http://www****. fanfiction. net/u/2089903/Eric_and_his_Great_Pumpkin voting has not begun yet for this, but it will soon, in the meantime read the entries. They're all good.**

**AN2: I almost forgot... I added a picture of who I envision Zafrina to be in my profile. check it out.  
**


	12. Chapter 11: Wake Up Dead Man

**Long AN: So, I was re-reading this little story looking for some typos and… Oops! I realized I made a bit of a mistake in Chapter 6 when I mentioned Transformers 2 was filming on the Penn Campus. Indeed it did, but not in 2005, the first movie hadn't even come out yet! For the purpose of this story though, we'll just continue to pretend that Transformers 2 came out in 2005 mmmkay? Good. Moving on…**

**On a happy note, Zhivago3 was kind enough to write an out-take for Two Hearts. Do take the time to read it and review. It's rather juicy! It's located here:**

**http:// www . fanfiction . net/s/5514676/1/Outake_for_Two_Hearts**

**And…I have a beta now! ARenee363, author of Inked and its sequel, Marked (check those out if you haven't, awesome stories) will now take on the role of beta-extraordinaire and help me make this story better. This means that I will be going back and fixing my earlier chapters, too. I'll let you know when that happens. Thanks bb. I HEART YOU! **

**That being said, any additional mistakes are my own.**

**Disclaimer: My name is NOT Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

**

**Chapter 11 – Wake Up Dead Man**

_**EPOV**_

I was living. I was physically here but my mind was always somewhere else…with Bella. All I thought about was what she was doing and with whom. Now I had the added visual of her being with another woman. My first thought was how hot it would be to see Bella and another woman. My second, and more dominant, thought was how jealous I was that Bella was with someone other than me. I knew I had no reason to be jealous after everything I had done to her. She deserved to be happy and if that meant with someone else, then so be it.

I hated it, though. For the sake of the family, however, I decided I was going to stop moping around and hope that whatever changes I'd make would show Bella that I was really serious about being with her. Again, I could only hope.

The first step I took was apologizing to my family. The morning after New Year's I called a family meeting. I wanted to start the New Year with a clean slate and getting my family's forgiveness meant the world to me. I was nervous of what they would say; I had never actually sat down with anyone before to talk about what happened. Would they tell me to bug off or would they accept that I was willing to change?

Everyone had stayed over the night before and we were all up early having breakfast. I looked around the table and my sister and brother and their partners. I looked at my parents and I saw happiness everywhere. I also saw the disappointment they held for me. Their eyes were cold anytime they looked at me and they kept their distance if they could. Occasionally, there would be a shake of a head as well.

I cleared my throat and began. "I'm glad you're all here right now. First, I want everyone to know that I understand the horrible mistakes I've made the last few years and how much of a disappointment I have been to you all. My actions and behavior have been entirely inexcusable and I apologize wholeheartedly for any shame I've brought to you and the family…and Bella."

My father put his fork down and spoke first. "Edward, we all make mistakes and we learn from them. Yes, I will admit that I was highly ashamed at what you did. I didn't raise you to be that way. I know I made poor decisions on my part when I was younger, some I regret and others," he looked at my mother, "I don't. At first, I didn't fully comprehend why, if you didn't love Bella, you would go through with the wedding. Then I realized that you did, and still do love her. A man who truly loved his woman would make sure she was happy at all costs even if it meant leaving her so she wouldn't suffer through a bad marriage with him. You recognized your faults, albeit, late, and pushed Bella to a better life, because you do love her."

I had to agree with my father. I turned into a horrible person and I knew I was no longer good enough for Bella. I had to let her go for her own good. Had I gone ahead with the marriage, it would have started as a total lie. I loved her with all of my heart, but she deserved so much more.

"On the other hand," he continued, "what you did to her at the wedding was completely embarrassing to us, but more importantly to her. I can move on from that, as I'm sure the rest of the family can and has. We still love you even if we didn't support your decisions. Whether Bella will ever forgive you for the pain you've caused her remains to be seen."

"Edward," I looked at my sister, Alice, who was sitting across from me, "I know Bella still loves you, and I can see it in her eyes when she talks about you, but she is still in a lot of pain. This time apart is good for both of you and I know you're wondering about her current relationship. It is fairly new, but what may come from it may help her."

"I just don't want to lose her, Alice."

"Do you love her enough to leave her alone if she stops loving you?" she asked. It was a good possibility that Bella would stop loving me, move on and never turn back. Could I completely let her go and move on myself? I highly doubted it, but I couldn't hold her back.

"Yes, I would, even if it killed me," I answered, defeated by my own admission.

"Give her time, trust me."

I nodded. "I'd give her all the time in the world if I could."

"Bro," Emmett patted my back, "you fucked up-"

"Language," my mother admonished.

"Sorry, mom," he quickly apologized. "As as I was saying, you fu…messed up. Royally. I can't imagine why you would cheat on someone as beautiful as Bella. I know Rosie would have my balls in a vice if I even _thought_ about being with anyone else. You have two strikes against you as it is with cheating on her and announcing it in front of everyone embarrassing the poor girl. I don't even know where you could even start by winning her back, but for some reason if there is one person that could do it, it's you."

"Speaking as someone who has been cheated on I know what Bella is going through," Rosalie chimed in. "The only difference in my situation was the asshole in question. I thought I loved him, but I only loved the idea of him. When he cheated on me, I took him back only for him to do it again, repeatedly. I always thought he would change. When he proposed, I figured he saw the error in his ways and we would be happy. Then he cheated on me again and I caught him in bed with my best friend, Irina. He told me he never loved me and I was just another notch on his belt. Like I said he was an asshole to the nth degree. You could be an asshole too, Edward, for all I know."

"I am not an asshole and I love Bella," I glowered at Rosalie. "I'm sorry you went through what you did, but, please don't lump me in with someone as vile as he."

"Fine, then you are just an arrogant prick at times. You did, after all, leave Bella stranded at the altar and then expected her take you back a few days later," she scoffed at the notion. "And now you are sitting here asking us for…what? Forgiveness? Can you prove to me, and yourself, that you aren't that same asshole who cheated on Bella? Do you really think you have changed or that you can change? She loves you, but if you can't believe you won't do it again, how can you think she'll believe it?"

I stewed at the thought of being an arrogant prick, unfortunately, Rosalie made valid points. It was arrogant of me to think Bella would take me back with open arms after everything I had done to her. God, I really was a selfish prick.

"Baby, I didn't know you went through all of that," Emmett told Rosalie, breaking through my thoughts.

She shrugged. "It was a long time ago, plus, you took care of him."

"I did?" he asked, confused for a minute. Rose nodded. "You mean that idiot Royce?"

"The very one," Rosalie responded. I heard a low growl come from Emmett's chest, but Rose never stopped glaring at me. "Well? Do you think you are a different person? Do you think you've changed?" she repeated.

I looked at my plate of food which was virtually untouched once the conversation started. Have I changed enough for Bella to take me back? I thought so, but would Bella think so as well? I turned to Rosalie. "I know I have a long way to go, Rose. I am far from a perfect man. I admitted my mistakes and I am willing to do whatever it takes to change and be that man for Bella. The one she deserves."

"That's all I needed to hear, Edward," Rose said, picking up her glass of orange juice.

"Does this mean I have your forgiveness and blessing to pursue Bella again in time?" I asked warily.

"From our part, yes, but it won't be forgotten. Should you and Bella ever get back together, I won't hesitate to rip you a new asshole if you ever hurt her again," Alice glared at me as I nodded.

"I don't forgive or forget, but I won't hate you either," Rosalie said. That was as good as an acceptance from her so I had to take it.

My father spoke up again. "Your mother was able to forgive my indiscretions. I can learn to forgive yours."

I looked at my mother. "You know I always hated what you did to Bella, but I forgave you a long time ago. You're my son. Apologizing to us however, means nothing if you haven't apologized to Bella. I agree with Alice, you need to give Bella time and space. When she's ready to forgive you she will."

Bella had always been the forgiving type, but this may have been the last straw for me. I just had to figure out where to begin on my path to repentance.

* * *

_**September 2001**_

It was Bella's birthday and I had every intention of spending the day with her. Alice had helped me set everything up. I was finally going to propose to the woman I loved. Our relationship had been just about perfect and I was excited and ready to take the next step with her. I was confident she would say yes as we had spoken about marriage a few times.

I was on the way to pick up the ring from the jewelry store when my phone vibrated. I looked at the caller ID and saw it was the hospital. I let it go to voicemail. I had every intention of spending the day with Bella, work be damned. The phone rang again, this time it was Tanya. Tanya was another resident at the hospital who would flirt incessantly with me. It was annoying and unprofessional, especially when she knew I had a girlfriend who I adored. I let the call go to voicemail again. I definitely did not want Tanya ruining my day with Bella.

I pulled into a parking spot right in front of the store. It was my lucky day for sure. I climbed out of the car and walked into the store.

"Ah, Dr. Cullen, good to see you again. I do believe the ring is ready. I'll run to the back and retrieve it for you," the associate said.

"Thank you."

As I waited, my phone rang again. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID as I picked up, completely annoyed that I was being bothered.

"What?" I growled out.

"Edward? It's Bella." At the sound of her voice, I eased instantly. I ran my hand through my hair.

"Oh, hey baby. I'm sorry. The hospital's been calling and they are getting to me. What's going on?"

"Well, Dr. Volturi called looking for you. He says it's an emergency and to call him immediately."

"Fuck!" I yelled.

I know I startled Bella, and I must have scared the clerk who came running from the back.

"Are you okay, sir?" he asked obviously shaken.

"Edward is… is everything alright?" Bella asked at the same time.

"Yes," I answered to both of them. "Baby, let me call you back. It's apparently important that I call them."

"Okay. Let me know what's happening."

"Sure." I was beyond pissed. I didn't mind that they constantly called me, but to call my girlfriend and make her worry was inexcusable.

As soon as I hung up with Bella, I called Dr. Volturi who was chief at the hospital.

"Edward, is that you?"

"Yes," I rolled my eyes. "What's going on?"

"I need you to come in. There's been a serious accident and we're looking at over one hundred incoming. Some have been redirected to other hospitals, but being that we have the best trained trauma doctors, most are being sent here. I know it's your day off and you had big plans, but we need you."

"Can't you call any of the other residents or interns that had the day off as well? It's my girlfriend's birthday, there are plenty of other doctors that can help," I protested.

"Dr. Cullen, if you are serious about your career, you'll get here. I'm sure you're girlfriend will understand," he said in an even tone telling me that he could pull me from the residency program.

I let out a huge sigh. "Fine. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"You're a life saver, Edward. Literally."

"Thank me with a two-week long vacation," I spat out and snapped the phone shut.

"Is everything alright, Dr. Cullen?" The associate inquired I nodded. "Well, the ring is ready. It truly is exquisite." He lifted the ring so I could examine it closer. The diamond was brilliant and sparkled everywhere. It reminded me so much of Bella and how she her brilliance showed through in everything she did including the way she loved me.

I read the inscription inside the simple setting. _Two Hearts Beat As One_. No matter where we were, no matter what we were doing, our hearts were meant for each other and would always beat together forever.

I took a deep breath. "Can you hold this a bit longer? It looks like I've been called to the hospital and I don't want to chance losing it in the chaos." I was hesitant at first to return the ring to him. I had an eerie sense that this was the beginning of the end; however, I really didn't want to risk losing the ring or having it get stolen at the hospital.

"Certainly, we can hold it as long as you like," he said putting it back in the velvet box.

"Thank you. I should be back either tomorrow or the day after to pick it up."

"No problem, it'll be in safe keeping here," he smiled.

I walked back to my car and drove to the hospital. I called Bella on the way to let her know the situation and that it looked like I wouldn't be home until late, if at all.

It was well past midnight by the time I was able to take a break. I headed into the on-call room and considered calling Bella, but I knew she would be sleeping already. I decided instead to rest before I had to make my rounds and check in with the patients. I laid myself down putting my arm over my eyes to shield from any light. I thought over how the day had gone horribly wrong.

I should have been home making sweet love to my fiancé not lying on cot alone and bone tired. The patients and the injuries were non-stop from the moment I arrived at the hospital at ten this morning. There were two leg amputations, four heart attacks, five broken arms, another two who were now paralyzed from the waist down and six deaths. Those were the ones I handled. I think the lucky ones were the ones who died. They didn't have to deal with the aftermath of their injuries.

I heard the door swing open, but I didn't bother to acknowledge the person who entered. I knew who it was, you could smell her a mile away with the amount of perfume she had on.

"I know you're awake, Eddie," Tanya said. I cringed at the use of my nickname.

"What do you want, Tanya? You can see I'm trying to relax for a bit."

"I just wanted to check up on you. I'm sure your girlfriend hasn't." She uttered the word girlfriend with distaste.

"As a matter of fact, she has called, but it wasn't like I had the chance to call her back, right? You know as we well as I do that we were running around like chickens without our heads to keep those people alive." Now that I thought about it, Bella actually hadn't called or texted me all day. I wasn't going to tell Tanya this though; she didn't need any more fuel for her hate. I never understood what she had against Bella other than the fact that Bella had me and Tanya didn't. I supposed this could be cause for the ire I heard anytime Tanya mentioned Bella.

"Well, whatever, I'm here if you ever need me." I could hear the sexual connotation in her words and I ignored them. Her footsteps were heard leaving the room and I fell asleep soon after.

A full twenty-four hours later from my arrival, I was finally able to go home to my Bella. I did a final check of my patients and left the hospital.

I stood at the door of my apartment when I heard the voices inside, one distinctly male. I hadn't heard that voice in years and I wondered what he could be doing here now. As if the weekend couldn't get any worse, he had to show up. I had a bad feeling that he was here all night taking my place, celebrating with Bella. _It should have been me_. She was my girlfriend and, hopefully, future wife.

I opened the door and called out.

"Hey Bella!"

"Edward!" Bella stood from the couch and gave me a hug and a kiss. "Guess who showed up yesterday! It was a surprise for my birthday."

I looked behind her and sure enough, Jacob Black was sitting on the couch sneering at me. The look disappeared, replaced by a fake smile as Bella turned back to him.

"Jacob," I stated flatly.

"Edward."

I never liked Jacob, only tolerated him for Bella's sake. I knew they were friends since they were in diapers, but I always hated the way he looked at Bella. Jacob wanted her, he always did and he despised the fact that Bella chose me over him. He took advantage of her friendship whenever he could and when we moved from Forks; his hate for me only grew.

"What time did you get here?" I sneered.

"Got in yesterday afternoon," he replied smugly. He was looking cozy already but I had hoped he would have said today. "Imagine my surprise to find Bella here alone on her birthday. I had thought you would have taken her somewhere special."

"I actually did have big plans for her yesterday, unfortunately the hospital called and I didn't have a choice. They needed me. But, now I see why I never got a phone call, she was too busy entertaining," I spat out. I knew the moment the words left my mouth I was in for a world of shit.

Jacob jumped out of his seat, fists clenched at his side. Bella instantly came between us.

She turned to Jacob and yelled, "You calm down, this instant! And you," she glared at me, "have to no right say anything. That was mean and totally uncalled for. How dare you even insinuate something like that? Jacob is my friend and always will be just…a…friend." I saw the disappointment in Jacob's eyes. He still had hopes for something more with Bella.

"Bella, you're my-"

"Oh quit the pissing contest, both of you," she let out in frustration. "This is supposed to be my birthday weekend and you are just ruining it. First you, Edward, having to save lives and now the two of you trying to stake a claim on me have just made this the worst weekend ever. There's too much testosterone in this room." She stormed off the room and shut the door. I heard the lock click into place.

"Looks like you're in the dog pound with me tonight," Jacob joked.

"I'm not a dog, never have been, never will be. Can't say the same for you though," I snarled.

He shrugged not letting anything faze him. "At least I know where I stand. You're the one who skipped out on her birthday."

"I didn't skip out. As I said before, they needed me at the hospital. I had dinner planned and a nice intimate evening with my fi…with my girlfriend." I corrected myself before letting slip that I had been planning on proposing. Only Alice knew and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Whatever makes you sleep better at night…"

"You don't believe me?" I asked incredulously. He shrugged again.

"I'm sure there are plenty of women at the hospital to keep you entertained," he said throwing my words back at me. "Bella tells me you've been spending lots of time at the hospital."

"I don't fucking believe this! Those patients are my life; I have to take care of them. I need to provide for my wife!" I was standing over him in my outrage.

"Wife? Something you're not telling me?" he sarcastically asked. So much for not slipping up…

Bella must have heard my outburst as the sound of the bedroom door creaking open filled the room.

"Edward?" She walked slowly into the living room

"Bella, I'm sorry…" I shook my head and sat down, placing my head in my hands. "I screwed up and I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to take it out on you. I was tired from the long shifts-"

"No, it's okay, but the other…" She wanted to know about my wife comment. This wasn't the way I had planned on proposing. I didn't even have the ring as I was too tired to go back to the store to pick it up.

"Bella, I want…I love you, with all of my heart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you if you will have me. I have a ring for you and I was at the store yesterday picking it up when they called. I didn't want to lose it or get it stolen so I left there, but I will go right now to get it if you say yes." She was standing in front of me as I proposed. She was too quiet. I looked up and drew her into my arms so she was now in between my legs. "Please?"

"Edward," she played with the hair on the nape of my neck. "I…love you too, and I really want to say yes, but…Jacob, can you give us a minute?" Wordlessly, Jacob stood and went to the kitchen.

I pulled Bella down onto my lap. "What is it, love? Please talk to me," I whispered into her hair.

She took a deep breath and began. "I want to marry you, I do, but are you sure this is the right time? You're constantly at work, we're barely home at the same time, and from what I've just heard come out of your mouth, you don't seem to trust me all that much."

"Christ, Bella, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean what I said and of course I trust you. I don't necessarily trust Black though. I don't like the way he looks at you or touches you. He wants you, it's as clear as day." I slid my arms around her waist, pulling her closer, letting her know that she was mine. I hated that I hurt her, but I frankly did not trust Jacob around her and she had to know how I felt about him being around her.

"No," she shook her head and shifted off of my lap onto the space next to me. "This is where you are wrong. If you trust me, you have to trust Jacob. He is my best friend and he would never, ever do anything to jeopardize our friendship. By not trusting him, you, indirectly, do not trust me. It takes two to tango and you know he'll never hurt me."

She was right. Of course I trusted her, but in not trusting Jacob around her it also meant I didn't trust her staving off his advances. I never thought to see it that way before and I was completely wrong in ever assuming she would do anything with Jacob. I wasn't going to stop not trusting Jacob, though.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I didn't realize you felt that way. I trust you with every fiber of my being," I took hold of her hands and kissed each of them gently.

"You need to apologize to Jacob as well…" I growled a little, but before I could speak she continued. "Edward, you have to apologize to him. He came here as a surprise to me and you insulted him and don't think I wasn't listening when you made the dog comment, too."

"Fine, I'll apologize," I mumbled.

"Later. We still have to talk about the issue of your hours."

"There isn't much I can do about that. I'm a resident and if I want to move up quickly I have take what they give me. There isn't much room to negotiate there," I told her and it was the truth. As a resident, our hours were somewhat more normal than an intern's but for any chance of a promotion you had to be available for everything. Granted, we weren't allowed to work more than forty-eight hours at a time, but there was always some "emergency" that forced us to stay.

"I understand, but we hardly see each other. We're more like roommates than anything else." I let out a long breath as she continued. "You asked me to talk to you and be more open, I am. Don't sit there and huff and puff. I know other residents at the hospital and they still manage to be home with their significant others, at least have something meaningful and not just some friend with benefits. I know you want to save the world and all, but I'm sure there are times that you can easily say no, but don't because you want to be everyone's damn savior." She was upset at me because I wanted to help people?

I was slowly getting angry at the words coming out of Bella's mouth. She knew I did this for her, for both of us. I certainly didn't need the money, but any recognition I received from my work would pay off in the end. It would mean more money and greater financial stability. I had to provide for our family, even if it was just the two of us right now. I still wanted to have a decent nest egg for when our children grew up.

"Not to mention the other doctors…" she continued before I could counter her last statement. Bella was looking away from me so I knew she was embarrassed.

"What other doctors?" I prodded.

"The female doctors… I've seen the way they look at you and some of them are so beautiful. They are so much more your league…" she stopped speaking when she saw my face. I stared at her as if she had three heads. She was crazy to think that she wasn't in my league. It annoyed the hell out of me anytime she thought she wasn't perfect for me. The doctors I worked with may be smart and pretty, but they weren't Bella. Bella was beautiful, intelligent, warm, funny…I loved everything about her.

"Bella, didn't we have this conversation back in high school?" She shrugged shyly. "You're it for me. You are the only one who completes me. Have I ever given you reason to not trust me? Ever since high school I've only ever had eyes for you. Are some of my co-workers pretty? Sure, but they aren't you and they will never compare. I bought _you_ a ring. I want to spend the rest of my life with _you_, no one else." I got down on one knee in front of her. "What do I have to do make you see that it's only you I want? I'll stand on the rooftop and shout it out if that would make you happy."

She giggled softly and kissed my forehead, smoothing my hair back. "Edward, I'm sorry. I know I'm being ridiculous. I know you love your work and I should be grateful that I have someone so caring in my life. The women…I trust you implicitly. I know you would never hurt me that way, forget I even said anything. And…yes…"

"Yes?" I asked my brows furrowed in confusion.

"I'll marry you, silly. I love you and I want to grow old with you."

**

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**

_**2006**_

It was the day after Valentine's Day. I sat in my office twirling the engagement ring I had given Bella in my hand. She left it on top of the dresser in her parents' home and her father had it sent it to back to me after the fiasco I caused. I looked at the engraving again, _Two Hearts Beat As One_.

I had broken so many promises to her as a boyfriend and as a fiancé. This ring symbolized all the memories we shared, good and bad. I intended to place it on her finger again, no matter how long it took me.

Ever since the day she left, I had been merely going through the motions at work. I lost my desire. Bella was right when she said I wanted to be everyone's savior, but I realize now that it was at the expense of our relationship. The structure and rigor of the hospital setting completely drained me mentally and emotionally and that led to some stupid decisions on my part.

I knew what I had to do. I picked up my phone and dialed my father.

"Edward," he answered after two rings.

"Hey dad, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, what's going on?"

I looked at the ring in my hand. "I want to resign from my post at the hospital," I stated.

There was silence on the other end for a good minute. I knew this could go one of two ways, either he'd scream and tell me I was making a horrible mistake or well…he wouldn't say anything and leave me in limbo.

"Dad, are you the-"

"Are you sure this is something you want to do?" he asked calmly.

I took a deep breath before answering. "Yes, but I would like to talk to you about some other opportunities."

"Like what?" I could hear the apprehension in his voice.

"Not sure, yet. Can I come by and talk?"

"Of course you can," he replied. "Your mother is making dinner now. It should be ready by the time you get here."

"Great! I'll be by in a few."

I was excited now. I was going to start fresh. If Bella could do it, I could too. I was going to be happy, no matter what. I kissed the ring.

"I love you, Bella. Thank you for always guiding me. I'm sorry I was late."

* * *

**AN: How was that? Edward starting to see the error of his ways and finally seeing that he's a jerk? Yes? That's a good thing… And before you ask… no they are still not getting together anytime soon. We're only on chapter 11. There's more to this story to go before that happens.**

**Happy Hanukkah to anyone celebrating! **

**Now, please review… Thanks. I LOVE YOU! :o)**


	13. Chapter 12: Hallelujah Here She Comes

**AN: Happy New Year, everyone! I'll keep this short. Enjoy the chapter, it's the longest yet for this story. Also, for those that have been waiting, you are finally getting what you wanted. I even had my wonderful beta panting. *winks* **

**Thanks to Zhivago3 as always and ARenee363 for beta'ing and making sure this all makes sense. A special shout out to my Sookieverse & WC girls, because well… they made me do it!**

**Disclaimer: Not SM… obviously

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**Chapter 12 – Hallelujah Here She Comes**

_**BPOV**_

Classes had just ended for the summer. I had contemplated heading back to Washington for Alice's wedding – but had decided against it. She and Jasper were finally getting married after all of these years. They had been engaged for as long as I could remember and had actually begun planning their wedding around the same time as ours. With the disaster that mine turned out to be, they decided to wait.

Alice would never admit that they postponed their nuptials because of what I went through, but I knew it was one of the main reasons. I knew they pitied me and didn't want to subject me to someone else's marital bliss. They didn't realize it, but it only made me more depressed. Someone else shouldn't have had to postpone their happiness for my sake. If anything, it would have been the one shining light in a lot of darkness for me. I also think Alice wanted to be cautious and one hundred percent sure that Jasper really wanted to get married and didn't have any skeletons in his closet. Whether anything was revealed is unknown, but they were happy and moving forward.

I knew Alice was disappointed that I wouldn't make the effort for her, but I was embarrassed to be around the rest of the family. Sure, it had been almost two years, but I was positive the rumors were still lingering. After careful convincing, Alice understood.

Rosalie was just as eager for me to visit and was even more upset with me that I wasn't going back home. She and Emmett had a beautiful baby girl, Emma Rose, born in April. They made me godmother against my protestations and were looking forward to me meeting their new daughter. I had seen the pictures, but according to Rose, they didn't do her daughter any justice. I would love to have seen the happy family, but I knew it would only make me think of everything I was missing out on without Edward. I felt bad that I couldn't be there for Rose and the baby and I wanted to see Emma, but I just didn't think I could do that to myself.

Then of course, there was Edward.

I hadn't heard from him, nor had Alice or Rosalie mentioned him in conversation since New Year's. Admittedly, I was interested in what was going on in his life, though I would never tell my friends. I had a morbid curiosity to know if he had moved on or if he was still hurting. I think I just wanted to validate my own feelings. Regardless, they didn't need any more reasons to try and get us back together. It wasn't going to happen. He hurt me beyond relief and…

There was Zafrina to think about now. She was smart, beautiful, gentle, and patient and she understood me. She had been the jilted woman once and she was there for me when I questioned myself and my decisions in regards to Edward. Zafrina was the breath of life that I never knew I needed.

As for our sex life – well that was a bit interesting. We had not gone too far, but she had taught me a few tricks with toys. I was finding areas on my body that I never knew were erotic. That sparkly vibrator I purchased on Valentine's Day came in handy – often. It was a matter of time before I would be ready to take the next step with her, but we were taking it slow and I knew it would happen. Until then, I enjoyed just looking at her and her body.

It was a wonderful day in the City of Brotherly Love, so I made my way down to Penn's Landing to enjoy the view and the calm of the water. I figured I'd walk down to the pier and enjoy the sights of Philadelphia again - the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, all the great history that was here. I knew Jasper would appreciate it. He was always the history buff. I pulled out my phone as thinking of him made me nostalgic for my friends.

"Bella, I was just about to call you!" Alice squealed into the phone after several rings. "I found a way for you to be in the wedding without you actually being here."

"Uh, hello to you, too, Alice and what is that crazy mind of yours thinking now?" I stopped to buy an ice cream sandwich from a vendor.

"Web cam!" she exclaimed.

"Thanks," I said to the vendor as he returned my change. "Web cam, Alice? How exactly is that going to work?"

"Easy, you set up the webcam on your computer and we'll have a camera set up here so you can see everything," she explained. "Oh, and you'll have to get dressed up too."

I groaned. "Why would I have to get dressed up? I'll be on a computer screen, not to mention that you'll only see my face. Don't be ridiculous, Ali."

"It's my wedding, Bella. You would be dressed up in maid of honor gear if you were coming, but since you're not you have to do this for me. I can't get married without you here and this is the next best thing. Please do this for me?" she pleaded.

I rolled my eyes, grateful that we were talking over the phone. She was right though. If I wasn't scared, I would be there in full maid of honor regalia supporting her. How could I say no to her?

"Fine, I'll do it, but you're buying me the web cam," I relented.

I swore I could hear her bouncing in her seat. "Don't worry, Bella, I'll have everything set up for you, including your hair and make-up appointment." Yes, of course she would.

I took a bite of the ice cream and immediately had brain freeze. "Oh fuck, damn it!" I yelled, rubbing the side of my head with my palm.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked with concern.

"Yeah, just a little brain freeze. Give me a sec." After a few moments the pain subsided and I continued talking. "Sorry…"

"Where are you anyway?"

"I'm walking down to Penn's Landing right now. It's a gorgeous day and I wanted to take advantage of it."

"Oh, that's nice. Are you meeting Zafrina there? Oh and speaking of which, since I was hoping you would have brought her to the wedding, I want her there with you during the webcam session. I want to meet her finally. Seeing pictures can only do so much for me and I know you're happy and all, but really, I need to meet her."

"Oh, umm…" I didn't have an answer for her. It never crossed my mind to bring Zafrina with me to Alice's wedding for the brief moment I even entertained going. I wasn't sure if she would want to meet everyone and I wasn't sure if I was ready to introduce her as my girlfriend. Then again, I still hadn't come to terms with the whole sexuality thing either. When it came down to it, I was a confused mess.

"You were planning on bringing her, right?" she asked unsure of the answer.

"I, uh, hadn't thought about it actually. I thought it would be too awkward for her," I replied, knowing I was lying.

"Are you serious? You two have been together nearly six months! You know we wouldn't judge either of you, we love you. Besides, from what I understand, she's been a lesbian all of her life, so I'm sure she's had to deal with all sorts of fucked up families. Honestly, I think you're the one who's afraid to bring her around. And I get it, I really do, but you're a grown woman and really, with all the luck you've had with men, it only seems logical you'd end up with a woman," Alice mused.

I supposed she was right. I did seem to have bad luck in the man department. First there was Edward, and then there was Jacob, and most recently, Tyler. Jacob…

**

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_**September 2001**_

Edward had told me that he had everything planned out for my birthday. I knew we were going to dinner and I needed to dress nicely, but he didn't give me a clue as to where we were going. I tried to get a hint out of Alice, but for once, she was keeping mum. I could only imagine what would happen.

He had the day off, which was a pleasant surprise. Edward was always trying to get a leg up on the competition so I assumed he would have worked a shift, even a couple of hours, but he woke me up and told me he had every intention of spending the day with me and only me. I was elated.

Edward told me he had to run to the store to pick up something for later in the evening. He wasn't going to be long, so I waited in bed for him and figured I could use a few more minutes of sleep. I had a feeling I would need all the rest I could get.

Then the phone rang.

I reached over to the nightstand to pick it up. "Hello?" I rasped.

"Oh Bella, I hope I didn't wake you. It's Dr. Volturi, is Edward there? I've been trying to reach him on his cell phone and I can't seem to get through to him."

"Uh, no, he's not here. He just stepped out for a moment, he'll be back soon. What's happening? Is there some sort of emergency?" I asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact there is. I need to speak to him right away. Please tell him to call the hospital as soon as you see him or hear from him," he replied quickly. I could hear the commotion in the background. That wasn't a good sign. I had a bad feeling whatever plans Edward had would be postponed.

"Sure-" Before I could finish, Dr. Volturi hung up. I shook my head at the phone and proceeded to dial Edward.

"What?" he answered clearly agitated.

"Edward? It's Bella." I replied cautiously.

"Oh, hey baby. I'm sorry. The hospital's been calling and they are getting to me. What's going on?"

"Ah, well, that's what I was calling about. Dr. Volturi called looking for you. He says it's an emergency and to call him immediately."

"Fuck!" he yelled. I was startled at the outburst considering he normally stopped whatever he was doing when the hospital called for him.

"Edward is… is everything alright?" I inquired, not wanting to irritate him further.

"Yes," I answered to both of them. "Baby, let me call you back. It's apparently important that I call them." I nodded before realizing he couldn't see me.

"Okay. Let me know what's happening."

"Sure." He hung up quickly before I could say anything more.

A short while later he called to tell me he had been summoned to the hospital and would try his hardest to get back to me before my birthday ended. I knew he was upset, probably more so than I was. I think he looked forward to my birthday more than I did, especially since I hated celebrating any day that put more attention on me than I wanted. Not to mention it was common now to not have him around, it would just feel like any other day.

I fell back asleep, deciding that I would just relax and read for the rest of the day. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep before I heard the incessant knocking on the front door. Throwing back the covers, I rose from my bed and walked to the door, checking the time on the cable box. Two o'clock. I had been asleep for nearly three hours. I guess I needed it.

My first thought of who was at the door was Alice. She must have found out from Edward that he was working and she came to spend my birthday with me. I was not, however, expecting the person at door as I opened it.

"Jacob?"

"Live and direct, baby!" he said lifting me into a bear hug. "Happy birthday, beautiful," he whispered into my ear, hugging me tighter.

"I…can't…breathe…" I stammered out. Jacob quickly put me down apologizing. "It's okay," I said catching my breath. "What are you doing here, though?"

"I came to see my favorite girl for her birthday, of course! But, if she doesn't let me in soon, I might just have to turn around." I realized then that he was still standing in the hallway. I stepped aside and allowed him entrance. That was when I saw the bags that he had.

"Wait, did you come to visit or move in?" I asked pointing to the bags.

"Oh yeah, that. I'm moving to Seattle," he began to explain, setting the bags down. Seeing the shock on my face he continued, "Don't worry, I'm not staying with you, I have a hotel set up, but I wanted to see you first. Plus, I arrived early and check in doesn't start for another two hours."

"But…I don't…why the move? What about your father?" Jacob's father, Billy, had been in an accident that caused him to be paralyzed from the waist down. Billy was capable of movement with a wheelchair, but Jacob and his sisters were the ones that took care of their father. It had been a while since I kept up with his family but from what I remembered, Jacob's two sisters had married and moved out of state, leaving Jacob to fend for himself and Billy.

"Rachel divorced Sam," he stated. I fell back onto the couch, amazed at what Jacob said. Rachel and Sam were so in love; you just knew they would be together forever.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, is she okay?"

"She's hanging in there. Sam cheated on her and actually got another woman pregnant. I was ready to get on the next plane out to her and beat the shit out of Sam, but Rachel stopped me. She said it wasn't worth the headache and, I guess, she was right. From what I hear he's struggling with the new woman and kid," he shrugged. "Anyway, Rachel came back home and will be taking care of dad."

"Wow," I whispered. "But, what about you? That still doesn't explain why you're here, why you're moving to Seattle."

"Right, that. Well, you know I was always good with cars and fixing them up?" I nodded. "Well, I fixed up this beautiful Maserati that got stalled in our little town. What the hell someone with that kind of car was doing in Forks, I don't know, but he loved what I did and how fast I was able to diagnose and fix the problem. He took my number and I hadn't heard for him a while, then about two months ago he calls telling me that he wanted to hire a private mechanic for his suite of cars. Apparently the guy is an avid car collector. I agreed on the condition that I could have other clients as well. So he did one better and told me he'll help me start my own business. He's fronting all of the money, I work on his cars for free and he'll even bring in clients so I can make money from the beginning. "

"Jacob, that's…wow…what an opportunity!" I leaned over and hugged him. "I'm really proud of you. I know you'll do well too. So when does all of this start?" I asked settling back next to him.

"Next week actually. This has all been in the works for a while. I admit I wasn't sure what I was going to do with dad at first. I couldn't bring him yet until I was able to get a place big enough for both of us and I wasn't sure how long that would be. Rachel leaving Sam was a blessing in disguise."

"Can you really trust this guy, though? Who is he? What does he do?" It was a perfect opportunity for Jacob, but I was still worried that he was getting in over his head.

"Oh yeah, I checked him out. I did lots of research on the guy. His name is Eleazar Denali. He owns Denali Industries. He made his fortune in oil up in Alaska before coming down to Seattle. He expanded into venture capitalism, that's why he's funding me now," Jacob answered. He obviously did his homework. The Denali name sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. It would eventually come to me.

"Well, then, sounds like you're all set."

"Yeah, pretty much, but enough about me, I came to see the birthday girl. Where's lover boy?" He sneered. "I thought he would have at least taken the day off to spend it with you."

I rolled my eyes. Jacob and Edward always had this dislike for each other which began when I moved back to Forks. I grew up with Jacob even though he was a couple of years younger. My parents were close to Billy and I ended up spending a lot of time playing with Jacob. He was devastated when we moved away, elated when we moved back. He always had a small crush on me, but I just chalked it up to familiarity. He hated that I was so easily taken with Edward, but my heart was where it belonged.

"Edward actually did take the day off, but he was called into the hospital for an emergency. There was a huge accident, lots of people injured and they needed all the doctors to come in," I shrugged. "It's no big deal really. I'm used to the long hours now."

Jacob shook his head. "This is just no good. Come on, let's order pizza or something. At least get a cake, you need to blow out candles on your birthday."

The next thing I knew Jacob and I were stuffed with pizza and ice cream cake, his gift to me. We spent the day reminiscing about our time in Forks and talking about what we had planned for ourselves in the near future. He asked if Edward was ever going to pop the question.

"If he doesn't do it, you know I'm more than willing to marry you," he smirked. I responded by throwing a pepperoni at him.

It was hours later before I noticed the time. The sun had gone down and we were heading close to midnight.

"Shit, Jacob, you've been here all day, you were supposed to check in hours ago!" I exclaimed when seeing the time.

"Oh fuck!" He quickly called the hotel and was informed that the room was given up for the night, but there was availability for the next day. "Bella, I hate to do this to you, but will it be all right if I stay the night?"

"Uh, yeah, of course, you can stay here on the couch. It'll be a bit small for you, but it's something. You know I wouldn't leave you hanging," I offered.

"You're the best, Bells! I'm going to change, if that's okay with you," he said as he opened up one of his bags and pulled out a pair of gym shorts, boxers and t-shirt.

"That's fine. Here let me get you a towel so you can freshen up or shower if you want." I walked over to the linen closer and grabbed a towel and washcloth for Jacob and handed them to him.

As he washed up, I checked my cell phone. There were missed calls from my parents and Alice, but no calls or texts from Edward which I found rather odd. If there was one thing about Edward that I loved, he always made the time to at least send me a quick message whenever he had the chance. I hardly called him when he was working because I just never knew when he was free.

Due to the late hour, I sent text messages to everyone thanking them for their birthday wishes. Another year older and I was without the one person who really mattered to me. I just hoped he wasn't banging his head over it. He tended to always feel guilty when he wronged me in any way, no matter how small.

When Jacob came out, I followed after and freshened up as well. Once dressed in my pajamas, I joined Jacob in the living room.

"What do you want to do now, birthday girl?" he asked.

"Ummm…movie?" I timidly suggested.

"Sounds like a plan." He waltzed over to our movie collection. Edward, for whatever reason, had tons of movies though he never had the chance to watch them. It was as bad as his music collection. He selected a movie and hid it from view as he inserted it into the player.

"What movie are you putting in?" I asked curious as to why he was hiding it.

"It's a surprise." He grabbed the remotes for the television and player and sat back down on the couch. He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arm around me. "Lover boy won't be upset that I have you in my arms, will he?"

I giggled. "You're so stupid, Jake. You're my oldest friend; I don't think he would mind that much." I leaned further into him and laid my head on his chest. He was comfortable and warm, but still not Edward. "You can start the movie now, ya know."

"Oh yeah." He pressed play and the opening credits of one of my favorites movies came on.

"Sixteen Candles, huh?"

"It seemed appropriate," he snorted. I smacked his chest and settled back in to watch the movie. I was asleep within minutes.

**~*~**

I was having one of those falling dreams again when I woke up falling off the couch. I was confused as to why I was on the couch in the first place until I turned to see Jacob laying there snoring. The previous night, and day, came back to me. Edward had to work on my birthday; Jacob came to surprise me and ended up staying over. We fell asleep on the couch watching Sixteen Candles. Got it.

Wait, shit I fell asleep next to Jacob. Sure, we used to sleep in the same bed when we were children, but he was a grown man now – with a crush on me. I should have known better and Edward could have come home at any time and seen us. Edward wasn't normally the jealous type, but Jacob was different.

I stared at him figuring out the best way to wake him up and saw, not for the first time how handsome he had become. The morning sun was shining through the window illuminating Jacob's good looks.

Jacob had always been awkward in his body growing up. When we moved back to Forks, I almost didn't recognize him. He filled in nicely. He had grown to about six foot five and his long hair was cut short. His features were soft, but still strong. His body…well, had I not met Edward, things could have been different between me and Jake.

But, Jake was no Edward.

I cleared my head of thoughts of Jacob and continued with my task at hand. It was going to be a difficult one. Jacob was completely oblivious to the fact I had fallen, but then again a plane could land on his rooftop and he still wouldn't wake up. I perched myself on the edge of the couch and gently shook Jake awake. He didn't budge. I shook him a little harder and still nothing. I thought back to when we were children and how Billy would wake up Jacob. I wasn't sure if I could be so cruel, but it seemed to be the only way.

I went into the kitchen and retrieved a frying pan and a pot. If that didn't work, I wasn't sure what would. I headed back into the living room and positioned myself near Jacob's head. On the count of three, I began clanging the pot and pan together.

Yep, that worked.

Jacob's whole body rose a foot off the couch as he was startled awake by the loud noise.

"What the fuck, Bella!?!? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" he screamed.

I shrugged. "Well I was trying to wake you up for about five minutes and you weren't moving. I had to resort to your father's old tricks," I smirked.

"If you weren't my oldest and dearest friend I would've clocked you just now. You're lucky," he said glaring at me. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm so scared. Anyway, get up and get dressed. I don't know when or if Edward is coming home today, but just in case, I don't want him thinking anything happened," I stated.

"What? Does lover boy get jealous?" he asked sarcastically.

"No," I snarled, "but I don't need him to start and will you stop calling him lover boy? Just go and get dressed," I ordered.

Jacob snorted, but followed my command and went to change.

We ate breakfast and sat around talking some more. Jake was hesitant in leaving me alone. Edward still hadn't called to tell me when he would be home and Jake, insisting that it was still my birthday weekend refused to leave. I wondered more and more if he even had a reservation at the hotel.

It was an hour later when I heard the keys in the door and Edward came home. In a way, I was slightly relieved. Jacob was starting to become a bit overbearing and I wanted my comfort in Edward.

"Hey Bella!" he called out.

"Edward!" I stood from the couch and gave him a hug and a kiss. "Guess who showed up yesterday! It was a surprise for my birthday."

"Jacob," Edward stated flatly. I knew this was going to be a long day already.

"Edward," replied Jake.

This was going to get ugly fast. I only hoped the two would stay cordial for my sake.

"What time did you get here?" Edward sneered.

"Got in yesterday afternoon," Jacob replied. "Imagine my surprise to find Bella here all alone on her birthday. I thought you would have taken her somewhere special." I held in my breath for Edward's response. Jacob bringing up that Edward wasn't around would certainly hit a sore spot.

"I actually did have big plans for her yesterday, unfortunately the hospital called and I didn't have a choice. They needed me. But, now I see why I never got a phone call, she was too busy entertaining," he spat out. I saw red immediately. I never called him at the hospital and he was well aware of why, but to even suggest that I would be "entertaining" Jacob in any way other than as a friend was wrong. My stomached knotted up in anger.

Before I could say anything, Jacob jumped out of his seat, fists clenched at his side. I was instantly between the two of them.

I turned to Jacob and yelled, "You calm down, this instant! And you," I glared at Edward, "have no right to say anything. That was mean and totally uncalled for. How dare you even insinuate something like that? Jacob is my friend and always will be just…a…friend." I saw the disappointment in Jacob's eyes.

"Bella, you're my-"

I cut Edward off. "Oh quit the pissing contest, both of you," I let out in frustration. "This is supposed to be my birthday weekend and you are just ruining it. First you, Edward, having to save lives and now the two of you trying to stake a claim on me have just made this the worst weekend ever. There's too much testosterone in this room." I stormed off the room and slammed the door shut, clicking the lock in place.

I paced the bedroom hearing the muffled voices of Edward and Jacob as they argued. I seriously couldn't believe both of them. I mean really, did Edward not trust me at all that he would think I could do anything with Jacob? The only person who had any right to be jealous in our relationship was me. I saw the way the other female doctors and nurses would look at Edward. If I didn't know how much Edward loved me I would have easily thought he was cheating on me, but those thoughts never crossed my mind. I was hurt for sure.

Their voices grew louder; more specifically Edward's voice grew louder as I was sure Jacob was egging him on. I caught the last of Edward's words.

"I need to provide for my wife!" I gasped. Wife? Was he planning on marrying me? We had spoken about it in passing, but I knew he wanted to wait. My mind ran through his recent behavior, his uncharacteristic nervousness, his irritability of having to work yesterday. Had he planned on proposing to me?

I unlocked the door and slowly opened it, causing it to squeak.

"Edward?" I walked cautiously into the living room

"Bella, I'm sorry…" he shook his head and sat down, hold his head in his hands. "I screwed up and I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to take it out on you. I was tired from the long shifts-"

"No, it's okay, but the other…" He thought I was still upset, and I was, but I wanted to know more about the wife comment. Did he really mean it?

"Bella, I want…I love you, with all of my heart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you if you will have me. I have a ring for you and I was at the store yesterday picking it up when they called. I didn't want to lose it or get it stolen so I left there, but I will go right now to get it if you say yes." I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was angry, but ecstatic. I was torn between slapping him and hugging him to death. I didn't know what to say. "Please?" he asked.

"Edward," I lifted my hand and began to play with the hair on the nape of his neck, just as he always liked. "I…love you too, and I really want to say yes, but…Jacob, can you give us a minute?" Wordlessly, Jacob stood and went to the kitchen.

The next half hour we spoke about his insinuations and my concerns. He said he trusted me implicitly, but I had to remind him that but even accusing Jacob of doing anything to me, he was also not trusting me or my judgment. I also likened the situation to the women at the hospital. He understood how I felt.

Finally, after we both had our say I said the magic word.

"Yes?" he asked his brows furrowed in confusion.

"I'll marry you, silly. I love you and I want to grow old with you."

I called Jacob back into the living room and shared with him the good news. He looked less than thrilled, but congratulated us nonetheless. He was soon in a hurry to get to his hotel. I wanted to talk to him about the engagement, but I decided to save it for another day. I wanted to spend the rest of the day celebrating with Edward.

Jacob left and Edward and I drove to the jewelry store to pick up the ring. I insisted on going with him, I didn't want to be apart anymore, unless absolutely necessary. When we arrived at the store, the associate greeted us and immediately went to the back knowing we were there for the ring. He handed the black velvet box to Edward and disappeared.

I turned to Edward only to see him getting down on one knee.

"I wanted to do this properly last night, so I hope you're not disappointed in the less than romantic way I'm proposing," he began. He was so cute, even when he was nervous. He ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath and looked up at me with his piercing emerald eyes. Even though I knew what was coming, I couldn't help but be taken aback by his gaze.

"Ed-"

"Bella, I've known you for seven years, but it feels like I've known you for a lifetime. You know me better than anyone. You are my light, my soul, my best friend. I love you more than words can even say." He removed the ring from the box. My already fast beating heart was ready to explode. The ring was gorgeous, even in its simplicity. It was a solitary diamond set in smooth platinum. "I had it engraved," he continued. "It says 'Two Hearts Beat As One.' My heart can't beat without yours, Bella, and I know together we will last a lifetime. Will you be my heart, my soul, my wife?"

I couldn't stop the tears that came streaming down my face. I pulled him up and kissed him fiercely, conveying all my love in that one kiss. I wanted him forever.

"Yes! Yes, Edward, god I love you!" I was giggling now like a school girl, but Edward soon stopped the giggles with another passionate kiss, a kiss that made me shudder with want. It was no wonder the associate left the room. "Edward," I moaned.

"Let's go home, I want to make love to my future wife."

That we did. I couldn't have been happier at that moment.

**

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**

_**July 2006**_

I was on the phone with Alice again as she told me the date and time of my hair and makeup appointments. I still couldn't believe that I had allowed Alice to talk me into "appearing" at the wedding via webcam and to do so all dolled up. I would pay her back for this eventually.

Her wedding was in a week and I was truly excited for her, even if slightly jealous, but I would never tell her. She was getting the happy ending that I should have had. I tried not to dwell on it too much, but it would still creep into my mind.

There was a knock on the door, no doubt Zafrina. I gave her the spare key to my apartment, but she still insisted on knocking. She told me she would only use it for emergencies. I didn't foresee any emergencies, but I let it be.

I let her in, giving her a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Alice, I have to go. Zafrina's here. Thanks for the information," I said quickly rushing her off the phone.

"Wait! Tell Zafrina I said hello and I look forward to seeing her at the wedding. I really wish you guys would come. It's not going to be the same without you here," she whined.

"Uh, huh. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll speak to you soon."

"Bella!" Alice shouted before I could hang up. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Alice. I don't know what you're talking about," I said feigning ignorance.

"Oh, you know what? Can you put her on the phone? I have to ask her if she's allergic to anything so I can let the specialist at the spa know."

"That won't be necessary. I forgot to tell you, she won't be coming. She has plans." I looked at Zafrina who was staring back at me with confusion.

"I can't come to what?" Zafrina mouthed. I shook her head letting her know I would tell her later.

"Plans? But you've known about the wedding for a while now, I can't imagine that she would have made plans knowing how important the day was for you and for me," Alice admonished.

"I…uh…" I stammered.

"Oh my god. You never told her, did you? Bella…" she let out a long breath. "You know what? This is your problem; I can't deal with this right now. You figure this out on your own. I will say that you need to be honest with yourself and with her. You should have told her. I won't cancel her appointment, but let me know the outcome…if she's still with you." With that, she hung up.

Zafrina was sitting on the leather seat looking at me with a quirked eyebrow. "What was that all about?"

"Uh, nothing. Alice just had to give me some information for something," I lied. I didn't understand why I couldn't tell her the truth. I wanted her to be with me at the wedding or at least present, but I couldn't get the nerve to ask her.

"What is it, Bella? You're hiding something and I thought we established before that we would always be honest with each other," she stated. We did. I did. I promised I would be honest and forthcoming and at the first sign of any stress, I lied to her.

"Alice is getting married next week," I muttered.

Zafrina squealed in delight. "That's great news! So what's the problem? When do you leave? When do we leave?" I didn't say anything, but I couldn't look her in the eyes. I knew the shame was evident on my face. "Wait, next week. You didn't tell me and you weren't planning on telling me either. Was I even invited?" I nodded. "So then, you were going and leaving me behind without telling me?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times. What the fuck did you say to that? "I'm not going to the wedding," I said flatly. Well that was certainly the truth.

"What do you mean you're not going? That's your best friend; of course you have to go. What's going on with you, Bella?" she asked, her voice pitching in worry.

I sat down on the couch across from her. "I don't know. I don't think I can face them yet. Alice is getting married and I know Edward will be there as well, he's her brother. I just… it would be too hard for me," I admitted. I was embarrassed at my admission; this was the first time I ever really spoke to anyone about what I was feeling.

"Bella, it's almost two years now. You can't honestly tell me that you still haven't gotten over what happened. I'm sure Edward has moved on, why can't you?"

"Of course I'm moving on! That's I'm with you and why I even agreed to the stupid idea of the webcam," I snapped. "I believe that's beyond the definition of moving on, don't you think?

Zafrina gasped, then her voice was laced with ire as she spoke. "So what the fuck am I? Just a distraction for you? A shiny toy to play with until you can get over whatever fucking hang-ups you have? Is that why you never told me about the wedding? Why bring along some nobody, right? My god, you can't even have me with you over a fucking webcam?" She stood up to leave, but I grabbed her.

"No, Zafrina, that's not what I meant," I argued. "I'm with you because I want to be with you and I would like to think that you are helping me move on. I love being with you."

"Then why didn't you say anything about Alice's wedding? Are you ashamed of me? Don't want to admit to your family and friends that you're a lesbian now?" she taunted.

"I…" I didn't know what to say. I was backed into a corner and I didn't know what to do. I was honest when I said I loved being with her, but what would the family think of my new sexual preference? What would Edward think? Then again, why did I care what Edward thought, right?

"Just what I thought," she shook. I saw the hurt in her eyes. "You can't even give me an answer, Bella. You're still hung up over Edward, even after what he did to you. You, for whatever reason, are embarrassed about things that happened years ago, that I'm sure everyone has forgotten about and if they haven't, then fuck them. You don't need them. More importantly, you are embarrassed about the person that you've become. A wonderful, caring, _open-minded_ person. My suggestion to you?" She looked at me for a moment. "See a therapist. You need it. You need to get these issues you have out in the open and stop harboring them. It's not healthy."

She opened the door then and walked out. I didn't stop her.

The rest of the day, I sat moping. Alice was angry with me and didn't accept my phone calls. I didn't bother calling Zafrina. I knew she wouldn't want to talk to me, at least not yet.

I thought over what Zafrina said. She was right. I was embarrassed over what happened with Edward at our wedding. It was supposed to be the best day of my life and it was ruined by his infidelity. I was letting Edward still direct my life and decisions even though we were no longer together. It wasn't my fault he cheated and lied to me. At least, I thought so. I just didn't understand what I did that would make him seek solace in someone else's arms. I thought I was a good girlfriend, but obviously I wasn't, and now I was proving the point with my actions toward Zafrina.

She didn't deserve this. She was the best thing that had happened to me since the wedding and I couldn't let her go. I loved her, she was a beautiful person. I couldn't say for sure if I was in love with her, but I knew I felt a closeness with her that I hadn't felt in a long time. I didn't want to let her go.

I looked at the time on the clock and saw it was still early. I grabbed my purse and jacket and went to the one place I needed to be.

**~*~**

She finally opened the door and we stared at each other for an innumerable amount of time. Before I could think, I crossed the threshold, took her head in my hands and kissed her hard. She didn't respond at first, no doubt still upset with me. I persisted though. Licking her bottom lip, asking for entrance, she seemed to relax and began to kiss me back. I was relieved when she responded. We could make this work.

We moved further into the room as she slammed the door shut, never once breaking contact with my mouth. It wasn't until we both had to breathe that I spoke.

"I'm sorry Zafrina. I am so, so sorry. You are right; I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. I am so confused. Please forgive me," I pleaded looking into her dark eyes.

"Bella," she sighed. She pulled me towards the couch and sat me down next to her. "I understand that you are confused. You went through a lot with the wedding. That was embarrassing in itself and I also understand how it would look for you show up with me on your arm. You've only been with men, a man, for most of your life. This is a whole new experience for you, something I know will take time for you to handle, but I am glad you are sharing it with me. I do forgive you…on the condition that you follow my advice and go to therapy. You have too many unresolved issues, particularly with Edward. You need to figure those out."

I nodded in agreement. "I know, I am going to call tomorrow. You're right, I need therapy, I need to be able to talk to someone about these issues and figure what to do with my life now. I will work through my issues. All of them. I promise."

Zafrina leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. Before she could move away, I grabbed her again, kissing her deeply.

"Bella…"

"Please Zafrina," I whispered. "I need this. I want this." I did, I was ready to give myself to her. I didn't know why I held back before and I knew the therapy sessions would help me, but I was with her and I knew what I wanted.

"Come on," she stood up and took my hand, leading me into her bedroom.

We stood in front of her bed as she slowly took my jacket off. She stepped closer to me and placed feather kisses across my face, my eyes, my cheeks. The softness of her lips was sending shivers down my body.

"You are so beautiful," she said kissing the corner of my mouth. "Are you sure about this?" She looked directly into my eyes and I could see the lust behind her eyes mirroring my own. I was extremely nervous; we were taking the next step and I didn't know what to do, but I was sure about moving on. I wanted her in every way.

"Without a doubt," I answered. It was all she needed as she slanted her mouth over mine and kissed me with a fervor that was never there before. She had been holding back, too. Her tongue darted out licking my bottom lip wanting entrance into my mouth which I quickly gave her. I moaned at her taste. She was so delicious.

Her hands found the hem of my shirt and she lifted it up until it was completely off. Her hands glided over my now exposed skin, causing more shivers to course through my body.

Zafrina began to lick down my neck, nibbling along the way. I could feel my nipples pebbling. "You taste good, Bella. Does the rest of you taste as good?"

"You'll just have to find out," I breathed out.

"Mmmm, I intend to." She palmed one of my breasts, squeezing gently before taking a hard nipple in between her fingers. She rolled it, flicking it through the fabric of my bra.

"Fuck… more… please."

"Gladly." She pulled the fabric down, exposing my nipple to the cool air, making it even harder than it already was. "So pretty," she said before taking a slow lick around the nipple, but never touching it. It was sweet torture.

I arched my backing, silently begging for more. She continued to caress around the hard nub with her tongue until finally she took it in her mouth. I whimpered.

With her other hand, she freed my other breast, lonely as it was and began playing with it. She mimicked her earlier movements, teasing it into a hard pebble all the while never stopping with her mouth, that beautiful mouth that was sucking at my tip, gently biting down.

I was moaning in ecstasy, but I wanted more.

I lifted her head so we were eye-to-eye. "Can I take care of you?" I heard her breath hitch as gazed into her, showing her how much I wanted her.

She began to remove her shirt but I stopped her.

"Let me do that, please?" I urged. She nodded.

Zafrina had on a button-down blouse. I was of the mind to just rip it open, but I wanted my first to go slow. I began to unbutton her shirt, making sure my knuckles grazed her nipples. She tortured me; I would do the same to her.

At the last button, I leaned forward and licked her bottom lip. I opened her shirt and saw that she wasn't wearing a bra, the advantages of having perky breasts like her. I kissed along her collarbone, slowly gliding her shirt of her shoulders and to the floor.

Zafrina's hands went to my waist, drawing me closer. "You're driving me crazy, already, Bella," she moaned into my ear. I noticed that as her voice grew huskier need, her Brazilian accent was more pronounced, only serving to turn me on more.

"Teach me, Zafrina, show me how to please you," I whispered softly. Up until that moment, Zafrina had always instigated any of our sexual forays, which never amounted to more than fingering. I wanted to show her that I was in this with her and that included sex.

She pulled back and took her pants off quickly. I giggled realizing she was just as anxious as I was. She undid my jeans next and slid them down. I kicked my sandals off as she continued to pull my pants off.

Once all of our clothing was gone, we stared at one another, admiring each other's bodies. Zafrina's long wavy locks were over one shoulder, just barely covering a breast; the nipple peeking through the tendrils. Her luscious skin and curves were calling me. The triangle of hair between her legs made me lick my lips. I'd only felt this way for Edward. It was refreshing to have these same sexual feelings for Zafrina.

Zafrina sat me down on the edge of the bed, kneeling before me. "You're positive about this, Bella? I don't want to you to do this to make me happy. I want you to do this for you."

I nodded. "I'm positive. Make love to me please, show me…" She cut me off with another kiss as her hands pushed my legs apart. She trailed her tongue down to my breasts, taking each one into her mouth, keeping my nipples hard for her. She squeezed them together, allowing her to take both nipples at the same time. The sensations went down to my clit, which was throbbing with need.

I squirmed on the bed, wanting more. "Patience, Bella," she chided. She grazed her hands slowly down my sides to my legs sending shivers up my spine. Her caresses were soft, but urgent as she made her way to my waiting pussy. She dipped her head, taking a deep breath. "You smell so good, I bet you taste wonderful." She darted out her tongue to emphasis her point and I nearly shot off the bed.

"Oh my god!" I screamed as she licked around my clit.

"I was right, delicious." She gently pushed my upper body down and lifted one of my legs over her shoulder. This new position brought my wetness even closer to her as she dove in and feasted.

I didn't know what she was doing, but it felt like there were a hundred tongues lapping at my lips and clit. She swirled her tongue around my nub drawing it into her mouth and sucking on it gently. Her hair fell forward, tickling my inner thighs only adding to the sensations I was feeling. My body was on fire from her attention.

She moved a hand up to massage my breast, squeezing it as she did before. I felt a finger slowly enter me at the same time she pinched my nipple. I bucked into her hand and my back arched, lifting me and pressing me into her more.

"My god, Bella, you are so responsive," she said smugly. "You are so wet for me baby." She inserted another finger and began fucking me thoroughly. I knew I was close, the coil in my stomach tightening, waiting to be sprung.

"Oh god, Zafrina. It's so… fuck…" I whimpered. "So close…"

All at once, she curled her fingers, hitting the mysterious g-spot while gently biting on my clit and pinching my nibble. I unraveled instantly, coming hard on Zafrina's hand and mouth. The feeling was so intense I was backing away, but she held firmly, drinking up all the juices I offered her. She continued her ministrations until I was on the verge of another orgasm.

I screamed out her name, not able to hold back any longer.

"That's better," she smirked as she set my leg back down and climbed up the bed next to me. "I've been waiting for that for a long time, baby. That is how it's done. Thank you for letting me take care of you." She wrapped her arms around snuggling me close.

"Zafrina," I said huskily, "we're not done yet."

* * *

**AN: So yes, the deed is done… but far from over. There is a picture of the engagement ring in the profile. Leave me some love. *kisses***


	14. Chapter 13: Staring at the Sun

**AN: Hey lovies! How are you today/tonight? Hope this chapter finds you well. So, just a quick FYI – now that I am back in school, the chapters will come when they can. I think I stated this before, but I just wanted to repeat. Enjoy!**

**Special thanks to my awesome beat ARenee363 – she gives my story feeling (and if you're not reading her stories, you're missing out)! Also, to Zhivago3, she tells me when shit doesn't make sense. Love you darlings!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is owned by SMeyer. I would be rich otherwise.

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**Chapter 13 – Staring at the Sun**

_**EPOV**_

"When will Bella be coming home for the wedding?" I asked my sister trying to sound disinterested. I caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror and knew I hadn't succeeded. I was hoping to see Bella again. I wanted to talk to her face-to-face. I wanted to tell her what was going on in my life now that I was no longer working at the hospital.

"I wish you two would grow the fuck up already," she mumbled. She was staring into her date book while the seamstress was working on my tuxedo. I looked at her through the mirror and I could see she was angry.

"What was that?" I asked, giving her a pointed look.

"Nothing dear brother," she replied, rolling her eyes. "The answer you seek you will not like," she continued cryptically.

"Uh, yes or no, Alice?"

"No," she sighed. "She isn't coming."

"What? Owww!" I turned quickly to look at my sister causing the seamstress to poke me with the pin in her hand. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Bella and Alice were joined at the hip at one point. Besides not wanting to see me, she should have been coming.

"Sir, you need to stand still," the seamstress admonished.

"Sorry," I said getting back into position. "What do you mean she isn't coming? I would have thought she would definitely be here. She can't miss your wedding. She's your best friend!" I argued. She needed to be here for the wedding. I needed her to be here. I couldn't understand why she would miss it.

"Well, technically she won't be missing the wedding. She'll be on webcam. You know I can't _not_ have her here and it was the only thing she would agree to do," Alice said sounding disappointed.

"Webcam? Is it because of me? Is she still angry with me over what happened?" I asked even though I knew the answer.

"Don't flatter yourself, Edward. Though it is hard to forgive you for that, Edward, I can't say I blame her. But that's a small part. There are other things going on with her as well. She isn't ready to share them with the family," she answered. "You'll see what I mean soon enough, hopefully."

I thought over what Alice said. I wouldn't be able to forgive someone who did what I did either. I still wanted to explain to her what had happened. I wanted to let her know how sorry I was for everything I did and thought. She didn't deserve anything I did, but at the same time, there was a fucked up explanation for it all.

**

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**

_**Spring 2002**_

"Great job, Dr. Cullen! I think you have a future yet. Keep up the good work and you'll be Chief Resident sooner than later," Dr. Volturi said, patting me on the back.

"Thanks," I replied shyly.

We had just come out of a complicated double transplant surgery. The patient was getting a new kidney and liver. The heart began to give out mid-surgery and I managed to save the patient and, consequently, the hospital from a possible lawsuit. I had only lost one person before – a father whose gun went off while he was cleaning it. I had tried everything to save him, but the bullet that was used ricocheted inside his body, hitting major organs. It was one of the worst things to go through, but I was grateful that I had Bella to comfort me. She kept me strong letting me know that I was still a good doctor and, as much as I wanted, I couldn't save everybody.

But I just saved somebody and I wanted to share my accomplishment with Bella. I was about to call her and tell her the good news when I heard kissing noises coming from behind me. I turned around and saw Tanya standing there with a smirk on her face. She was leaning against the nurses' station with a chart in her hands.

"What's going on, Tanya?" I asked trying to hide the annoyance in my voice.

"You are such a kiss ass, Edward," she said as she walked over to me. "Trying to play the modest doctor with the Chief? Come on, there's only one reason you would pretend to be humble," she mused.

"Oh? And what's that?" I crossed my arms in front of me waiting for her reply. I was getting annoyed with her and all I wanted to do was call Bella.

"Well, to get into the good graces of the one who has power to promote you, of course! Edward, you know you're good. Hell even I'll admit it," she moved closer to me. "You don't need to act with the Chief. He loves you anyway."

"I highly doubt that, but whatever. What do you want, Tanya? I need to call my fiancé," I told her firmly.

"Right, your _fiancé_... I actually wanted to talk to you about her…" she started. I waited for her to continue, but I could see she was just goading me. She reached out to touch me, but I backed away before she could.

"What about her?" I sighed.

"Oh, nothing special. You sure she's the right one for you? I mean, really, wouldn't you want someone a little more…I don't know…like you? Smart, beautiful, rich? She just seems so…plain to me. Oh, and the company she keeps is a bit suspect," she said smugly.

"Why the fuck are you telling me this, Dr. Denali?" I seethed.

"Oh, how formal! Did I get under your skin?" she mocked.

"Bella is the perfect woman for me. She is smart, she is beautiful and she is definitely classier _than_ _you_ will ever be. Now, if you don't mind, I have patients to look after." I was fuming. I walked away before she could say anything more.

I needed the fresh air so I stepped out into the courtyard. I couldn't deal with her anymore. Every day it was something new with Tanya. I didn't know what she had against Bella, but she would always put her down any chance she had. It was irritating and no matter how many times I told her to stop, she would continue. She wanted me to doubt Bella. Doubt my love for her, doubt her love for me. That would never happen.

Bella and I were meant to be together and nothing could or would change that.

"_The company she keeps is a bit suspect." _

I didn't question Tanya about that statement, but it was grating on me now. What did she mean? Bella only hung out with my sister and Rosalie…and Jacob. Did Tanya know something about Jacob? About Bella and Jacob? How did she even know Jacob? He had never been to the hospital and I didn't know how else they could have possibly met. I wanted to turn back and ask her, but if I did, she would know that she got under my skin. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

I shook the thought from my mind quickly. I knew Bella and Jacob were close and they were together all the time now since his move to Seattle months ago. She was his only friend here and she had been helping him with his new business. I trusted Bella completely and I finally grew to somewhat trust Jacob as well. At least, I hoped I could trust him. Bella said I could, I had to believe her.

The phone was still in my hand; I was surprised that I hadn't chucked it at Tanya's head for the shit she said about Bella. I pressed the speed dial button for Bella. The phone rang several times. I checked the time on my watch. She wasn't in class so she should have been answering. I was about to disconnect when she finally picked up.

"Jacob, stop that!" she laughed. "No! Edward, hol-" I heard her moan. What the fuck? Was he touching her? Did he have his hands on my woman? I was seeing red and all I wanted to do was crawl through the phone and kick Jacob's ass.

"_The company she keeps is a bit suspect…"_

"Oww, Bella! Those are my balls!" I heard Jacob scream on the other end.

"Serves you right! Edward?" she asked as she caught her breath. "You still there?"

"Did I interrupt something?" I snarled. "Sounds like you two were getting cozy."

"Huh? No, Edward, not at all. He was tickling me and wouldn't stop-"

"He had his hands on you?"

"Oh, come off it, Edward! You know nothing was happening. I was proofing a new brochure he was putting together for the shop. He didn't like that I was making his paper bleed from all the markups, so in retaliation he started tickling me. He took the phone from me when you called. It took me a second to get it back, but I did and then I kneed his balls," she explained. I could hear her smile through the phone and damn it if it wasn't lightening my mood.

"Are you sure?" I questioned, hoping that was the truth. We had gotten to the point in our relationship that we didn't lie or hold anything back.

"Yes," she answered with an exasperated sigh. "Now, what can I do for my favorite fiancé?"

"Favorite? I hope I'm the only one," I teased.

She giggled and the sound warmed my heart. I couldn't be mad at her and from what she told me, she could hold her own against Jacob.

"Of course, Edward. I love you, baby." I heard Jacob mocking her in a high pitched voice.

"Do I need to go over there and kick his ass?" I hoped so.

"No. So what's going on? How's your day going so far?" she asked, genuinely interested.

"Great! We had the transplant surgery today-"

"Oh that's right! How did it go? I'm sure you did well, you always do!" she proclaimed proudly.

"Yeah, I rocked, like always. Dr. Volturi was impressed, too. That's a good thing. He's already talking promotion. It's too soon still, but I'm on his radar and that's what counts," I stated.

"That's awesome, Edward, and you deserve the praise. You bust your ass all the time to impress them; I know it'll bring good things for you. I'm really happy for you!"

"Thanks, love. Hey, want to celebrate tonight? I don't have any more surgeries scheduled today so I should be getting out of here at a decent time. What do you say? Dinner later?"

"Oh," she said replied with a hint of disappointment. "I had promised Jacob that I would help him with the brochure tonight. He wanted to get it sent off to the printers first thing in the morning."

I didn't say anything. I wanted to rip Jacob's throat out for monopolizing Bella's time. He had no right to demand anything from her, but, of course, I knew she offered. I could see he was taking advantage of her. I didn't care how much Bella told me otherwise, I didn't trust Jacob.

"Edward?"

"Yeah."

"I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you, I swear. I'll make your favorite dish," she apologized. "I'm really, really sorry, Edward."

"You knew I had the surgery today. You knew I was stressing over it for the last few days. I was hoping to relax with you tonight." I knew I shouldn't, but I was giving her the guilt trip. She never turned me down.

"I know, Edward. I feel horrible, but I promised and he has to get these out before morning." She was pleading for me to understand. It was hard for me to understand why she would choose the mutt over me. I was her fiancé, not him. He could have gotten anyone to help him out, but he was being a cheap bastard. More importantly, he was trying to weasel himself into her pants.

I couldn't let her know I was upset. She was feeling bad enough as it was, I didn't need to add anymore angst.

"It's fine, Bella," I said, straining to sound normal so she wouldn't hear the anger in my voice. "I'll be fine. I'll stay longer at the hospital. I could use the extra shift anyway."

"Thanks, Edward! Thank you for understanding."

I nodded before realizing she couldn't see me. "Sure. I'll see you later tonight."

"Yeah. I love you, Edward," she breathed out.

"Love you, too." I shut my phone off and walked back into the hospital. Unfortunately for me, Tanya was still around.

"You look like a dog just chewed your favorite _Playboy_ magazine. Wanna talk about it?"

"Shut up, Tanya. Isn't there some patient you should be checking on or something?" I spat at her.

"No, I made my rounds while you were on the phone. So what happened? Did she choose the mechanic over you?"

I stopped in my tracks. "How did you know that Bella's friend was a mechanic?"

"I saw them together when I dropped my car off to get serviced. Surely, Bella told you who financed the shop for…Jacob, is it?" I nodded. "Yeah. My father was the one that foot the bill. Jacob is a great mechanic. Very handy, very hands-on," she smirked. I wanted to wipe the smirk off her face, but at least the mystery of how she knew Jacob was solved.

"What are you trying to say?" I questioned. She was baiting me. She was trying to make me jealous and damn it, she was succeeding. "What are you gaining from saying this shit to me?"

She shrugged and stepped right in front of me. She was so close to me I could smell the mint of her lip gloss. "I told you. You should be with someone your own kind." She began to toy with the lapel of my lab coat. Her smell was intoxicating and I was angry – jealous – enough to want to kiss her.

I stepped away before I regretted doing something I shouldn't have been thinking. I might have been jealous but I trusted Bella and she would never do anything to hurt me or ruin our relationship. No matter what Jacob tried, no matter what Tanya said.

"Go away, Tanya. Leave me alone. You don't know what you're talking about and I don't need you trying to seduce me. I'm never leaving Bella," I stated firmly.

"Suit yourself," she said backing away. "You know where to find me if you change your mind." She gave me a wink before turning and walking away.

I couldn't be in the hospital anymore. My mind was a mess between Bella choosing Jacob and Tanya's attempts at seduction. I was stressed out when I should have been celebrating the success of the surgery. I was no good to my patients in my current state of mind.

Dr. Volturi gave me the okay to go home citing my good work in the operating room. I took the opportunity and left. I didn't want to go home to an empty apartment, knowing that Bella was with another man so I drove around gathering my thoughts.

Bella with another man – with Jacob. I had to see for myself. What was really going on with them when I wasn't around? Was Tanya telling me the truth? I had no reason to believe Tanya; she'd been after me for as long as I could remember. I had Bella. I'd known Bella forever.

"Fuck!" I screamed, hitting the steering wheel. I hadn't noticed where I was driving until I saw the sign for Jacob's shop. I guess a surprise visit was in order. It was close to dinner time so I stopped off at a nearby Thai restaurant to pick up some food. They had to eat, right? I was going to be the good dutiful fiancé and bring food to my future wife and her friend.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and waltzed into the shop. I didn't see them so I knew they were in the back office. My steps were halted when I heard the sounds coming from the office. The door was ajar so I had no idea how they were situated, but I heard them clearly.

"Oh yeah, right there," Bella said, her voice thick with what I could only assume was lust. "Shit," she gasped.

"Is that good?" he whispered.

"Yes…ahhhhh… don't stop," she moaned.

I was torn between leaving and running as far away as possible – _I lost my fiancé to a fucking dog!_ – or storming in and demanding what the hell was going on. My feet made the decision before my brain did as I kicked the door open.

"Edward!"

"What the fuck, man!"

They both screamed at the same time. They were standing up startled at my abrupt entrance.

"What the hell is going on? I thought you were working on brochures," I mocked. "I come here bringing food because I feel bad and I hear moans!"

"Edward, calm the fuck down, this instant! We are working on the damn brochures and Jacob was giving me a massage," she angrily explained. "What is wrong with you? You know I would never do anything with Jacob, he is just a friend." I saw a flicker of disappointment in Jacob's eyes. He really did think he still had hope with Bella.

I finally surveyed the room. They were both dressed, even if a bit haggardly from working all day. Bella's hair was up in a bun held by a pencil. She was standing in front of a rolling desk chair while Jacob was in front of a stool. The stool was good height to give a massage and look over her shoulder. I felt like an ass. So as a good ass, I went on the defensive anyway.

"Bella, he had his hands on you and you were allowing it. Anybody walking by would have thought you two were having sex! What the fuck did you expect me to think?" I spat out.

"Oh, get a grip! Why are you even here? You said you were working late."

"I wanted to surprise you with food, but I guess the only surprised one is me. I'll leave you two…alone," I said through gritted teeth.

I backed out of the office, heading back towards the entrance.

"Edward, wait!" Bella called after me.

I let her catch up before turning around. "What, Bella? You're busy, I'll let you be."

She let a long breath. "I'm sorry if you thought something was going on. I was getting a slight headache and I was tensing up from working on this thing with him. He was just soothing my shoulders. Honest. And, I love the surprise," she said smiling up at me. "Stay. Please?" She looked at me with those beautiful big brown eyes, my undoing. I couldn't say no to her no matter how upset I was.

I nodded. "Can I just get a breather first before going back in there? I'm sure Jacob isn't too happy either right now."

"He'll be okay, as long as you don't pull anymore territorial crap," she smirked. I knew she hated when I became too possessive, but she secretly enjoyed it as well.

"Can I get a kiss from my future wife?" Her eyes lit up and she rose up on her toes and planted a wet kiss on my lips.

"Happy now?"

"Better, yes."

We went back to the office. I mumbled a quick apology to Jacob and set the food on the desk. Bella was excited that I remembered her favorite Thai dish and she quickly dug in.

"Hey, save some for the dogs, will ya?" Jacob commented. Bella muttered an unintelligible expletive through a mouth full of food. We had a good laugh and the tension soon drifted out.

I still had the nagging thought in my head that there was more going on between them. Fucking Tanya.

**

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_**July 2006**_

"You ready man?" I asked Jasper.

"As I'll ever be," he replied, straightening his bowtie.

"You don't…uh…have any deep dark secrets to tell her right?" I joked. He apparently didn't find it funny since he didn't laugh.

"No, everything's out in the open with Alice. I don't keep secrets from her. Never have, never will," he stated. "What about you? Are you ready to see Bella?"

"Umm…yeah, I think I am, though Alice keeps mentioning some surprise and being all cryptic. I was shocked that Bella didn't come in for the wedding. I was hoping…" I trailed off. God, how I wished she was actually here.

I was nervous to see her, even if she was just on a screen. I hadn't seen her, not even a photo, since she left our wedding. I wondered how much she had changed since then, or if she looked the same. I didn't realize I was shaking until Jasper mentioned it.

"I'm okay, honest," I said letting out a deep breath. I wiped my clammy hands on my pants.

"Edward, you look like you're the one getting married, not me," Jasper joked. "You sure, you're alright? She won't physically be here, you know?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I know. I'm fine."

Emmett had been noticeably quiet until I heard him snort in the corner.

"What's your problem?" I asked.

"You lie like a dog. You're afraid to see Bella and you should be. From what Rosie tells me, Bella's been doing well for herself. Very well," he chuckled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snarled. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what he was talking about. Between Jasper and Emmett, they were giving me a headache with all of their cryptic talk. It was annoying.

"You'll see soon enough and I'll be honest with you. I don't know if you will like it. It's su-"

Emmett was cut off by the knocking on the door. Our father peeked in.

"It's show time guys! Need you three up front pronto. I have a daughter to give away now," he smiled. My brother and future brother-in-law left, I followed behind, but was stopped by my father when he placed a hand on my arm.

"What is it?" I asked.

He glanced around not meeting my eyes. When he finally did look at me I saw worry etched in his face. "Don't…" he paused, it seemed, to look for the right word. "Don't overact." Before I could respond he walked out.

I was getting pissed off with everyone being so secretive. I knew it had something to do with Bella and everyone thought I wouldn't be able to handle what I would see. Perhaps she brought a "date" to the wedding and that was why everyone was concerned with my reaction. I remembered that she had dated in the years since we split. I was prepared for that. At least, I thought I was.

I made my way up the makeshift aisle, stopping every few feet to say hello to a family member or family friend. When I finally reached the front, I took my place and looked across where the bridesmaids would stand, but where a laptop was currently sitting on top of a chair.

There was Bella looking as beautiful as she did on our own wedding day. Her hair was up with small tendrils framing her face. The makeup was light as it always was with her since she hated wearing the stuff. I chuckled lightly at the fact that my sister coerced Bella to get dressed and made up as if she were actually at the ceremony. I was so entranced by my Bella's beauty that I did not notice the person sitting next to her until I saw Bella's mouth move to talk.

There was a pretty, olive-toned woman next to Bella. She was definitely easy on the eyes, but she didn't hold a candle to Bella. I wondered if she was a co-worker or a new friend. I had a feeling that Bella brought a friend so she wouldn't have to endure this alone. She always needed that support system and moving away she was without Alice and Rosalie to help her.

Bella still hadn't noticed me, her attention solely on the person at her side. They were deep in conversation, leaning towards each other. I saw the other woman caress Bella's cheek. I furrowed my brow at the intimacy. I turned to Emmett.

"Who is that with Bella?" I asked.

"Uh…" He rubbed at his forehead avoiding eye contact. "That's Zafrina," he mumbled.

"Who is she though?"

When I turned back to the screen, my question was answered as Bella's and Zafrina's lips were engaged in a kiss. It wasn't a very passionate kiss, but it was more than chaste. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought back to New Year's when I overheard the girls talking to Bella about a kiss she shared with another woman. I thought it was a onetime thing, but apparently I was wrong.

"Dude, that's hot," Emmett exclaimed loudly. I shoved him to quiet him down, but Bella had heard. I could see the blush in her face even from where I was standing. She must not have thought she was being watched, and truthfully the only ones who could see her were me, Jasper and Emmett.

I didn't know what to think. My Bella with another woman, with anyone other than me, just seemed wrong. My heart ached at the sight. She was meant to be with me only. I was supposed to win her back. I was going to tell her how much I missed her and how much I changed. I wanted to let her know that she was the only one for me ever.

My fists clenched at my sides; I wanted to punch something, someone. I wanted to run out of the hall, I wanted to escape. The music started though and I couldn't get away. I let the ceremony distract me from the vision of Bella and Zafrina. My little sister was beautiful as always. I played my part of best man, handing over the rings when needed.

The rest of the wedding went without a hitch. I plastered a dutiful smile on my face for pictures, but I sulked when I wasn't being watched. My mind just couldn't get around what I saw on that computer screen.

My decision to leave the country was solidified. I had a glimmer of hope that after speaking to Bella we would try again, but it was futile attempt. Now leaving the country as planned was going to happen.

After I handed in my resignation months ago, I had worked to open a clinic in one of the poorest areas of Brazil. My family thought I was crazy for going so far away, but it was what I needed. I couldn't stay in the country knowing I could get on a plane any second and be tempted to demand that Bella take me back. It was counterproductive. I needed this time to get myself together and grow. My father was supportive of my ideas and even helped to get the ball rolling for me.

"_Dad, can I talk to you a minute?" I tentatively asked after stepping into his home office. I had come over to the house to visit my mother, something I had neglected to do in the time after the wedding. I never realized how much I was missing out while brooding over myself. My mother hadn't complained, but I knew it bothered her that I stopped visiting._

"_Sure, Edward," he replied looking up from the patients' records. I sat down across from him and took a deep breath before speaking. _

"_I'm resigning," I spoke quickly. If I didn't get it out fast, I would have chickened out. I had made the choice to resign, but having it said allowed for the first time made it almost final._

_My father didn't say anything at first, digesting the two words spoken. He looked at me thoughtfully then asked, "Why?"_

_There were plenty of reasons but I said the first one that stood out the most for me. "The hospital - my job as a doctor at the hospital, my ambition - is the reason that that my relationship with Bella fell apart."_

"_Really? Not the fact that you cheated on her?" he asked sardonically._

_I sighed. That was the obvious reason, but the less obvious ones were the fact that all the time I spent away from Bella made us, made me, more irrational. She wasn't with me so she was with Jacob more. I grew jealous and it made me stupid. I told my father all of this and he listened, silently agreeing with me._

"_So what do you plan on doing then?"_

"_I want to open a clinic," I began._

"_That sounds noble."_

"_In Brazil," I finished. I ran my hand nervously through my hair waiting for his response._

_His eyes went wide, but he quickly composed himself. "Oh, umm…why Brazil?'_

"_I think I need a little humility in my life. I take too many things for granted and it ruined me, it ruined Bella. I still want to be a doctor, but I think I need to get away from the big city for a while. I need to get myself together if I plan on having a chance with Bella. There's too much shit…er, stuff…around here, the further away I am, the better. I'm tired of destroying everything in my life. I want to know that I can do something good and build people up. Mend instead of destroy." I looked up at my father seeing understanding in his eyes._

"_I admire that you want to change and help others. I know I don't say it often, but I am proud of you, Edward, even with all of your mistakes and I am glad that you're willing to do this for you, for Bella and, indirectly, the people in Brazil," he stated. _

_I smiled. It felt good to get my father's approval. I knew I was a disappointment to him these last couple of years, so I was happy that he readily agreed to helping me get the contacts I needed. _

I watched the laptop during the reception. Alice demanded that Bella stay around for the festivities after the ceremony. I saw Bella dancing with Zafrina, I saw them share chaste kisses. Every once in a while she would sit down and look closely at her screen, her face scrunched up in concentration searching for something or, perhaps, someone. I wondered if she was looking for me, but I didn't want to assume anything. I stopped being presumptuous a long time ago. It didn't get us anywhere but heartbroken.

Still, I couldn't help wonder what she was thinking. If somewhere in her mind she thought of me as much as I thought of her, or even a little bit. I knew her all too well though. She seemed happy, but her eyes were missing that spark that she had when we were together. We might have had our disagreements, but regardless, she had a shine, a glow, if you will, about her. My heart ached knowing I was the cause of her losing that light and, from what I'd seen, she hadn't recovered. Neither had I.

I hoped leaving to Brazil, and leaving the old life behind, would allow me to start new, start fresh and grow. I needed to get my priorities in order and I considered this my therapy. It was possible that I could lose Bella forever, but it was the choice I made and I needed to follow through. I made enough bad choices to last a lifetime.


	15. Chapter 14: Stuck in a Moment

**AN: Hello my lovelies! Miss me? I missed you too. It's been so busy for me between school, visitors, step-daughters, contests, etc etc… Honestly, I'm amazed I was able to get this out to you! I did mention that I was starting classes last time I updated (I think, anyway), so updates will come when I'm not bombarded with school work. I promise! For those reading Due to a Stalled Train, I am about halfway done writing that chapter, so hopefully that will be out soon. **

**On that note, I am also judging the Dead Pan Contest for the Southern Vampire Mysteries. I know many of you don't read anything other than Twific, but you MUST read these one-shots, they are hilarious. We are also encouraging people to write SVM/Twi crossovers, so get those pens (computers/laptops even) out and send something our way. For more information, check out: **

**http://****www.****fanfiction.****net/****~deadpancontest**** (remove spaces)**

**The stories are all there. Also, I wrote a sample fic for the contest. Read that as well.**

**http://****www.****fanfiction.****net/s/5863345/1/Dead_to_the_Universe**** (remove spaces)**

**Now, on with the story… As usual, many thanks to ARenee363 and Zhivago3 for being my eyes on this one.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, never will. Except the plot is mine, don't think many of you would want this Edward. *wink***

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**Chapter 14 – Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of**

_**BPOV**_

"So, tell me a little about yourself, Bella. We didn't get a chance to really talk in your first session last week since it was all formalities and paperwork."

My head was down, my hands clasped tightly in my lap to keep them from shaking, as I sat in the chair opposite my therapist. I had an appointment the week before, but when I had arrived, he had been called away on an emergency. We had time for quick introductions before he left. Now, I was sitting here and I had no idea where to start.

I was nervous talking to a complete stranger about my problems. Alice and Edward, and now Zafrina, were the ones I spoke to when I had any issues. They understood me, or at least I thought they did. I relied on Alice often to be my sounding board, but I knew she couldn't always be there for me. She was, after all, Edward's sister. She was my best friend and she supported anything I did, but I knew she was still loyal to her brother.

Edward … I could talk to him, when we were together. He knew me better than anyone, but he betrayed me. He was part of the reason I was seated in this small office. Well, he and Zafrina. Zafrina urged me to see a therapist. She told me I needed an unbiased person to listen to me air out my issues. Someone to help me come to terms with everything that had happened to me—someone who had nothing vested in my life other than taking a couple of hundred dollars from me. Thank goodness for insurance!

"Well, Dr.-" I could barely hear myself speak over my pounding heart.

"Please, call me Marcus. I want you to be comfortable with me. Doctor sounds so … formal," he smiled.

It was a warm smile and I felt some of the tension in my shoulders ease. I let my eyes roam down his body, taking in his posture. He wasn't that young, but he wasn't old either. I would put him at about fifty. He had salt and pepper hair, cut short. His soft, blue eyes had crow's feet at the edges. That was always a good sign in my book. He was dressed casually, just a pair of khakis and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. One leg was crossed over the other and he was slightly slouched. He looked like any normal guy off the street.

"You don't have a notebook. Aren't you supposed to right down everything I say?"

"I told you I want to make this as comfortable as possible for you. I do however record my sessions so I can review them later. If I have any questions from what was discussed I'll ask during the next appointment," he answered. "I want you to be as open and honest as you can be and I find that a more casual environment helps." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I felt more at ease with him.

"Oh, okay," I nodded. "Well, I'm not sure where to start," I told him honestly.

He smirked. "Most people don't. It's always hard to get started. You're nervous, you're afraid, it's understandable. So let's start with something easy." He thought for a moment. "How was your weekend?"

I raised an eyebrow at him and he responded with small wave of his hand for me to proceed. So I did. I told him about Alice's wedding and how she managed to have me involved even though I wasn't physically present.

"Why weren't you there? Why a webcam?" he asked.

"I couldn't make it," I lied.

"Why couldn't you make it?"

"I… I just couldn't," I shrugged. I suddenly felt like a small child being admonished by her teacher.

It was his turn to cock his brow at me. "Couldn't or wouldn't? How close is Alice to you?"

"She's my best friend. I would do anything for her and vice versa."

"Except go to the most important event in her life?" he asked more than stated. I sunk low in my seat. He was making me feel ashamed for what I had done, and…he was right.

"I just…" I paused. I had no idea why I wasn't being honest with him. Everything said in the room was confidential. He wasn't going to judge me, he wasn't going to make fun of me for being childish. I needed to grow up. "My ex was there," I answered truthfully.

"And who is your ex?"

"Edward. He's Alice's brother." He nodded and waited for me to continue because he knew I would. "I was engaged to him. We were together for ten years before we broke up."

"Why did you break up? Ten years is a long time to be together and then engaged. What happened?"

Then the words just spilled out of my mouth. I told him about my almost wedding and how Edward "came clean" at the altar. Before I knew it, I was reliving the day all over again—the hurt, the embarrassment and of course, all the tears. Marcus handed me a tissue to wipe my eyes.

"Bella? Bella? It's okay. That day is over and unfortunately so is our time for today."

I dabbed my eyes again. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-" I began to apologize, embarrassed of my behavior.

"Enough of that. You have nothing to be sorry about. You are here for a reason. You are free to feel anything you want. You are free to cry for the whole hour if that is all you want to do. There is no shame in that," he encouraged.

"Thank you," I said softly.

**%%%**

"I want to talk more about your friend's wedding …" began the next session with Marcus. "You mentioned that you were there via webcam." He emphasized there with air quotes.

"Yes, I was technically part of the wedding party. Alice even paid to have my hair done and sent me a dress as well," I snorted. "That woman plans for everything. I love her though," I smiled.

His hands were in clasped together in front of his face, his forefingers touching. I could see the corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile. "We all have that one friend that'll do anything for us, don't we?" I nodded. "Did you see Edward?"

I sucked in a deep breath. It seemed Marcus liked to cut to the chase. I never preferred peeling the band-aid off quickly, but I guess sometimes it was necessary.

"He was there."

"How did you feel seeing him? When was the last time you saw him?"

"A few days after our wed—a few days after we broke up." I couldn't say wedding, we never actually married and we did break up that day.

"So this was the first time you'd seen him in a few years?" he asked and I nodded. "How did you feel?"

"Honestly?"

"The only person you need to be honest with is yourself," he stated, giving a faint shrug as if everyone knew that bit of adage. He was right though, if you lied to yourself, you could easily lie to anyone else. That includes hiding feelings, something I did often when I was with Edward. So I went for truth, knowing it was a habit I needed to get myself into.

"I was nervous as hell," I started. "I mean, I knew he wasn't going to be physically present in front of me, but I was going to see him for the first since I left him. Not only that, but I was also introducing Zafrina to everybody. It was … nerve-wracking to the say the least." I touched my stomach. "I could feel the butterflies fluttering. I even threw up a couple of times before Zafrina arrived," I admitted.

I had to give it to Zafrina though, she had kept me calm, reminding me that it was just the two of us, no one was around, except on the other side of a computer.

"How did the introductions go?"

I groaned thinking about how Edward found out about my relationship with Zafrina.

_Zafrina sat down next to me and pushed a loose tendril behind my ear.__ "I'm here for you.__ And if makes you feel any better, I'm excited that you invited me and we will have fun," she assured me._

_My smile grew larger and I leaned in to give her a kiss.__ I was happy that she was with me.__ I couldn't ask for a better, more supportive girlfriend._

_It was then that I realized we could be seen from the other end.__ I hadn't noticed Emmett and Edward had appeared on the screen until Emmett's declaration of, "Dude, that's hot!"__ I blushed furiously and glanced at Edward.__ I saw several emotions pass over his face—anger, jealousy— but hurt seemed to be the most prominent. _

"Edward was the only one who didn't know about Zafrina. I had asked Alice not to tell him."

"Why not?"

"I was afraid of how he would react. I also didn't want him thinking that he was the reason I was…" I waved my hand, "whatever I am now."

"Hmmm…" he hummed.

"What?" I asked, nervous I said something wrong.

Marcus shook his head. "Nothing, please continue."

"I don't know. I didn't want to disappoint him, but at the same I almost wanted to rub it in his face that I was able to move on."

"And have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Moved on…"

"Umm…yeah…" he quirked an eyebrow at me. "Yes," I said more firmly.

Marcus pursed his lips. "If you say so."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked getting defensive.

"You said you didn't want to disappoint him and that you were nervous about seeing him. Were you being honest then?"

"Yes," I replied, wondering where he was going with this.

"Why would you care about disappointing him if you've moved on?"

I started to open my mouth to speak but realized I didn't know how to respond. I would be lying if I said I didn't care because I did. I still wanted Edward to accept me. I still wanted his approval. After all, he was always the one I looked to for approval in the past.

I remembered the hurt on his face. I had caused that and it bothered me. Even with everything that he did to me, I didn't want him hurting.

"No," I said softly. "I haven't moved on."

"Do you want to?"

"I don't know," I admitted. It was the truth and it was strangely liberating to finally admit it.

"Fair enough."

**%%%**

Marcus gave me an assignment after our last session. He wanted me to write down the all the people in my life and what they meant to me. I had to list one good quality and one bad for each person. Each week we spoke about a different family member or friend. We started with my parents, then moved on to Alice and Rosalie. It was hard to think about something I didn't like about them. They were the rocks in my life. It felt almost like a betrayal on my part to even think negatively about them or anybody really. On top of that they were all going to be subject to his scrutiny and I told him as such.

"It's not a betrayal, Bella," he explained. "That piece of paper represents how you feel about your loved ones. If you think you are going behind their back then perhaps you weren't as honest with them as you thought. All good relationships, whether they are parents, friends, lovers, thrive on communication. There is nothing on that list that shouldn't have been hidden from them. If it was then you should ask yourself why."

How could I argue with that?

"So…" He opened a drawer in his desk and took out the crinkled paper that contained the list. I saw his eyes move down the sheet and stopped at a name. "Can we talk about your other best friend, Jacob?" I gave a hesitant nod. "His good quality is his loyalty. His bad quality—goading Edward. Why? Why did you choose those specific qualities for Jacob?"

My licked my dry lips and swallowed. "Jacob loved me," I began. "I was—am his best friend. He would do anything for me and he always took my side anytime Edward and I would have a disagreement. We were friends as children, but lost touch when my parents moved me to Arizona. We came back to Forks when Charlie was given the job as Chief. As soon as Jacob found out he came around and we started hanging again, but it wasn't the same."

"How so?"

"Well, I started going out with Edward almost immediately after moving back. I never realized that Jacob had a crush on me, I always saw him as a brother. Edward never stopped me from spending time with Jake, but I knew it upset him, so after a while, I began to keep my distance. Jake seemed to understand and he never made me feel guilty about it. We spoke on the phone every once in a while, but that was about it."

"Jacob seems like a good guy … understanding," Marcus commented.

"He was… he is. I can't really complain about him…" I trailed off.

"But…"

"But, sometimes I wonder if things had been different between Jake and me, how that would have changed my relationship with Edward."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, after Jake moved to Seattle we renewed our friendship and became close again. He had a fantastic business opportunity and I was his only friend in the area. I helped him out a lot. More than Edward would have liked I think, but he was always working and it was good to have my friend back. It was nice to have Alice and Rosalie, but sometimes you need that one male friend to help balance you, you know?" I chuckled softly.

"I do know," he smiled. He didn't say anything else, his cue that he wanted me to continue.

"Umm … I think all the time we spent together deepened Jake's feelings for me and Edward noticed. Edward became insecure, something I had never seen in him before. Edward was always so confident. Then of course, Jacob noticed those insecurity issues and would make it a point to acknowledge all the time he was spending with me as opposed to Edward. I had to stop plenty of fights between the two of them," I snorted. "They tried to behave themselves for the most part for my sake, but those fights were always caused by Jake setting off Edward."

"Did you ever talk to Jacob about what he was doing? His actions were putting an obvious strain on your relationship with your fiancé. Or did you choose to ignore them because you—I'll play devil's advocate here—harbored more feelings toward Jacob than you admitted?"

My eyes opened wide in shock. "Oh my … I … no … not at all … I mean … I had feelings for him, yes, and I cared about him, but not romantically."

"So then why do you think he thought it was okay to provoke Edward?"

I thought about the times we were together. The play fighting, the bickering, the light touches and hugs… "Did I lead him on?" I asked out loud.

"Did you?"

* * *

_**March 2004**_

I knocked on Jacob's apartment door. He was helping me scout locations for my wedding. Edward was supposed to come with me, but he was sucked into a surgery at the last minute. Alice and Rosalie were also busy and couldn't come out. That left Jacob and he, surprisingly, said he'd assist.

I was about to knock on the door again when I heard Jake yell from the other side. "I'm coming!"

He opened the door and my mouth dropped. He had just come out of the shower and his very chiseled body was still wet. A white towel was wrapped around his waist, which only highlighted his tan muscles even more. He had a smaller towel in his hand and was using it to dry his hair.

I couldn't stop staring at his chest and he noticed.

"Bells," he chuckled. "You okay there?" He pushed the door open further to let me in. I didn't move. "Are you going to stand there and stare or are you coming in?"

I swallowed and licked my suddenly dry lips. I blinked a few times and finally looked up at him. "Um… what?"

He let out a loud bellow. "I asked if you were coming in," he repeated. I nodded and walked into his apartment. As I passed him, he drew me into hug, his customary greeting for me. I couldn't help but drag my hands along his back to feel the tight muscles. He was so strong.

I had always known that Jacob kept himself in good shape, but I didn't realize he looked _that_ good. It made me wonder why he was still single.

He pulled away from the hug first, "Feeling me up, Bella? That's not like you," he teased.

"Jake, you …" I let my hands linger on his abs a little too long before pulling them away. I pointed to his abs. "You look good." I stated simply.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Geez, you would think you've never seen a body as fine as mine. Edward not doing it for you anymore?"

"Shut. Up!" I protested. " You can't just walk around looking like that you know. You'll give some poor girl a heart attack!"

"Thank you for noticing, Bells, but this is my house and I can walk around naked if I want." He moved his hand down to pull his towel off his. I held out my hands to stop him.

"Oh no! I do not want to see you naked. That'll just be…" I wanted to say wrong, but my eyes were drawn to his pelvis. I had to admit if I hadn't been madly in love with Edward, I would have tried my luck with Jacob.

"It'll be what?" Realization dawned in his eyes. "Oh, you're turned on!" He stepped closer to me. "Do I turn you on, Bella?" His voice lowered into what sounded like his sexy voice.

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Is it working?"

"No." Yes. Maybe…

"Then, no, I'm not," he sighed. I saw the disappointment flash in his eyes, but he quickly placed a big smile on his face.

"When are you going to get a girlfriend? You've been in Seattle for a while now and you haven't dated at all. I'm worried," I told him. It was the truth. He was said he was always busy at the shop, but he had enough guys working there that he could easily take days off and no one would notice.

"You know it's hard, with the sh-"

"Don't. Don't use the shop as an excuse. I've seen the way women look at you. You are a good-looking guy. You can get anybody," I explained. "You use the shop to get out of dating, but I don't understand why."

"You really don't know?" he asked shaking his head. "Sam was right, you are blind." He turned towards his bedroom.

"Sam? What does he have to do with anything and what are you talking about I'm blind?" I fumed.

He stopped and turned back to me. "Look, forget I mentioned it. I'm going to get dressed and we'll head out, okay?"

"No, I want-" Jake lifted a hand to silence me.

"I promise we'll talk about it more. Let me just get ready. You have appointments, I don't want you to be late." He squared his shoulders, effectively ending the conversation.

"Fine," I huffed.

I sat on the couch while Jake got dressed. I felt so crummy that I contemplated leaving and doing the location scouting alone. It occurred to me that it was entirely possible that it was my fault that Jake wasn't dating. If I thought about it, when he wasn't at the shop he was hanging out with me, much to Edward's chagrin. I was monopolizing his time.

"Ready?" he asked stepping from his room.

I stood up. "Yep."

"Oh, would it be okay if we stopped at the shop on the way? I need to drop off a set of keys for a car the guys are working on. I was so tired last night, I forgot to leave them behind."

"Yeah, sure, that's fine," I replied.

"Great!"

We had decided to take Jake's jeep instead of my clunky truck. I still had the Beast, but it wasn't as reliable as it used to be. Edward had insisted on getting me a new car, but I told him that I would ride my car out until the end. Jacob agreed with Edward. He told me he wouldn't come with me if we took my truck, so I relented.

Of course, the car ride to the shop was full of tension. I wanted to say something to make things better between us, but any time I would open my mouth, the words just didn't want to come out. At least not the right words. Jacob was the first to speak.

"Bells?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm sorry about what I said in the apartment. I don't want you think that I…" he paused. "What Sam said, it isn't true. You're not blind. He was giving me advice once about…something, and that may have come up."

I was confused. "What came up? That I was blind? About what? And what were you getting advice about?"

"Uh, you," he whispered. He said it so low, I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly.

"Me?"

"Yes." He glanced over at me and continued speaking when he saw my brows knitted together. "I used to have a big crush on you. I had asked Sam for advice on how to approach you, but by the time I wanted to, you were already with Cullen." There was a hint of distaste when he said Edward's name, but I chose to ignore it. I didn't want to argue anymore with Jacob.

"So you don't have a crush on me anymore?" I inquired. I had to admit I was mildly disappointed.

He gave a nervous laugh. "No, of course not. You're like a sister to me now. I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have."

I stared at him, looking for a tell-tale sign that he was lying to me, but if he was, he was hiding it well. His facial expressions gave nothing away.

We were stopped at a light. He turned to face me and I looked directly in his eyes.

"Are you lying to me?" I asked bluntly.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, Bella. I love you…" I let out a small gasp. "As a sister," he continued. Honestly." He gave me a big toothy smile. I tried not to laugh but he looked too silly not to.

We pulled into an empty garage in the shop. He turned to face me again.

"Are we cool?"

"Of course, Jacob." He leaned in close and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me, but he shifted and kissed my cheek. He gave me another smile and jumped out of the car.

I watched as Jacob made his way to the counter to talk to one of his employees. I studied him closely and thought about the conversation we just had. He may have been an excellent liar, but something was nagging me in the gut. Somehow, I just didn't believe him.

* * *

_**September 2006**_

"I think you learned a lot today, Bella," Marcus said, bringing me back to the present.

I nodded in agreement. "More than I imagined…"

**AN: So? Like, don't like? ****We're getting into the heart of things now…Let me know what you think of Bella's sessions. **


	16. Chapter 15: Wild Honey

**AN: ****I know I lied to you. I promised that I wouldn't update my one-shots until I was finished with my stories, but I couldn't help it. So when you're done here, go check out the update to A Birthday Carol, it has some slashy goodness. But... I wasted no time and immediately began work on this chapter. So...**

**Didya miss me? Miss the story? Boy, I sure hope so! I know you guys must want to strangle me right now for waiting so long between updates, but I had school and it kicked my ass this semester. It was either write and fail or study and pass. I chose the latter and it worked. I got straight As! It was stressful though and really, the writing just wasn't going to happen. However, I will try to get as many chapters done before classes start again (hopefully, one or two). **

**Also, you will see that we're finally in Brazil. I am not from Brazil (though I want to visit!) and I do not know the language very well, not matter how similar it is to Spanish. Google Translate was my friend (translations below). I also tried to be true to the research I found, but whatever is wrong, just chalk it up to artistic license and this is FICTION. :o)**

**Special Thanks to Zhivago3 who beta'd and made this all pretty for you. By the by, she started a new story called Bella & The Beastward. It will be EPIC! Go read (after you read this update)!**

**Long AN is over, enjoy!**

**As always, I do not own Twilight…**

* * *

**Chapter 15 – Wild Honey**

_**EPOV**_

**2008**

"Senna?" I called out.

"Yes, _doutor_?" she replied entering my small office.

"It looks like I need to go to the mainland and get some more supplies," I said looking down at my inventory sheets. "We're running low on antibiotics and syringes. Is there anything else we need to stock up?"

"Ah, yes, we need…" she stopped for a moment no doubt searching for the English translation of a word. "_Atadura_… I cannot remember this word right now."

"Atadura? Band aids you mean?"

"Yes! That is it!" she responded with excitement. "If you wish I can _ordenar_ for you. It will be ready when you arrive."

I nodded. "I appreciate that. _Obrigado_." I handed her the list of supplies to order. "Also, order whatever else you think we may need."

"_De nada_." She took the sheet and smiled. Senna was my life saver!

I'd been on the island for a little over a year, settling into some kind of routine. The first few months were daunting. The island of Fernando de Noronha isn't highly populated, but there were enough people there that needed medical care to warrant the clinic. The island itself services tourists more than natives. Carlisle had bought land for my mother on one of the islands near by many years ago. I couldn't blame him, it was gorgeous here. However, there wasn't much in terms of modern medical care there. I spent those first months shuttling back and forth to the mainland to retrieve supplies. Carlisle made sure all the visas and such were in order and that I actually had a place to practice, but everything else was left for me to handle. I suppose his minimal aid was more punishment on his part for my wrong-doings. Honestly, I didn't care. The less he was involved, the more the clinic I opened became my own.

Unfortunately, there was a lot of red tape involved in keeping the clinic functioning. The country as a whole had great medical care, but the small rural areas – and islands like Noronha – relied heavily on clinics and local government. Local government meant money was passed under the tables and you either played along or failed. To top it all off, while I had some conversational knowledge of Portuguese from my childhood, medical terms did not come easily to me and I knew the local government was taking even greater advantage of that fact. I was bleeding money at the beginning because of politics and language barriers. I finally decided to hire help. I needed a nurse anyway, and I was lucky to find Senna.

Senna was the fourth nurse I had interviewed. She spoke both English and Portuguese and when I questioned her on medical conditions; she knew what I was talking about and types of treatments to use. I knew immediately that I could trust her running the clinic if I ever needed to be away. She was tall, from an area of Brazil near the Amazon where, as she told me, many of the women were tall. This worked in her favor whenever she had to stand toe-to-toe with me when we had disagreements, which luckily was not often. And though she was only a few years older than me, she held herself like a woman who commanded attention and you gave it to her.

As I said, she was a life saver. Whenever I couldn't communicate effectively, she would take charge and in the end save me and save the clinic money. Of course there were times when I couldn't avoid giving some extra incentive, in the form of money to move things along, but since Senna, those times were few and far between.

Senna came back to my office to let me know the order had been placed and would be ready for pick the next morning. I looked at my calendar to check if I had any pressing appointments.

"Do not worry. I will handle your appointments while you are gone."

"Thank you again." I looked at the clock on my wall. I had one more appointment for the evening. Before Senna walked out, I called her back. "Senna, why don't you go home? I'll take the last patient."

She gave me a grateful look and left. Soon after, the front door opened and my final patient came in.

I met him out front and led him to one of the exam rooms. He was a little boy, only eight years old, named Nahuel and I was treating him for severe asthma, one of the many respiratory infections I diagnosed often on the island. I saw him at least once a month and would continue to do so until I knew it was more under control.

"_Olá, Nahuel, como vai? Como você se sente?"_ I asked helping him onto the bed. His father stood at the door and I greeted him with a handshake.

"I feel good," Nahuel responded in accented English.

"Hey!" I smiled. "You've been practicing your English."

"Yes! My father, he says it is _muito importante_. I want to be _doutor_ like you!" he exclaimed loudly. He smiled widely showing me toothless grin.

I laughed at his exuberance. Oh to be a child again with no worries in the world!

I did a quick exam of his chest listening for any blocked pathways. He was still wheezing but not as heavily as in the past which was a good sign. His lungs were responding well to the medication. I gave his father the new set of asthma medication for the month and explained that I wasn't increasing the strength because Nahuel was doing better. He seemed pleased with the information and shook my hand again. I gave Nahuel a hug and a pat on the head and set them on their way.

I headed out shortly after walking to the port to get on my speedboat. My father allowed me to live in our home on the family's island – it was one of the favors he offered. Fortunately, the island was next to Fernando de Noronha, where the clinic was located – it was close enough for any emergencies but still afforded me the privacy I needed after a long day. The privacy I found I was spending thinking of Bella.

I docked into the slip behind the house and entered through the back past the pool. I asked my father why we had a pool when we were surrounded by beach once. He said it was for the times that it rained too hard to swim in the ocean. I suppose it made sense, but I still preferred the ocean to the chlorine any day.

I trudged through the mansion, house wasn't enough to describe it after all. The exterior was mostly glass – as my father said, "To keep up us one with nature." It was a bit much, maybe a little ostentatious, but I had to admit, on those really bad days, being able to look out our nearly uninterrupted walls of windows at the ocean was calming. I dropped my medical bag in the office before continuing to the bedroom. The bedroom literally hung over the ocean and I stood watching the waves ebb and flow.

Ironically, Bella and I were set to honeymoon here after our wedding. I had wanted to bring her here, make love to her against the backdrop of the ocean, the sounds of the waves mingling with our voices. It was part of the reason I chose to come here – part of my penance. Being in the house reminded me of everything I had done wrong and why it was so important have Bella back in my life – loving me and looking at me the way she used to _before_. _Before_ I cheated, _before_ I took her for granted, _before_ I fucked up...

* * *

**April 2004**

I trusted Bella. I did. With all my heart. But I could not for the life of me trust Jacob Black as far as I could throw him. I couldn't help it. Bella told me I had nothing to worry about when it came to Jacob. She'd known him all his life and they were like brother and sister. Perhaps on her part, but I saw the way Jacob looked at her. I saw the longing in his eyes and the way he scowled at me when Bella wasn't looking.

It didn't help matters that Jacob was practically stuck on Bella like white on rice. Okay, I exaggerated, but he went everywhere with her as she planned _our_ wedding. Alice would sometimes go with them to help with ideas, but she had her own issues and job to deal with, so she couldn't be with Bella all the time. However, Jacob was always readily available for her. I wondered how he managed to keep his shop open when he was always out with my fiancé.

I was just finishing up a shift when Bella called about an emergency with the location she selected. We still had a few months before our wedding so I couldn't fathom why it was an emergency now. Whatever it was could be fixed and we wouldn't have to worry about anything. I was looking forward to spending some time with my fiancé, but this insignificant thing was suddenly more important. It was still early in the day and though I was tired as all hell I offered to come along. I figured if I couldn't relax and cuddle with her in bed, I could at least accompany her to the reception hall. After all, it was my wedding, too. The next words out of her mouth killed me.

"Edward, don't worry. I know you're tired. Jacob is already on his way over, he's going to with me. We'll sort it all out. I'll be home in a bit. Just rest, I know you need it."

I tried to contain the growl that I wanted to let out at the mention of Jacob's name. "Bella, baby," I strained out, "are you sure this isn't something that can't wait or be done over the phone?"

"I know, I asked the coordinator the same question, but apparently there was damage done to part of the building and we need to see the other rooms available or be forced to reschedule. It was considerable damage and they don't know if the hall we reserved will be finished by our wedding. I'm really sorry, baby, I was looking forward to spending some time with you," she said. It sounded genuine, it truly did, but…Jacob, damn it!

"Fine, whatever, I'll see you when you get home," and I hung up like some moody teenager before she could say anything else. I was about to throw my phone against the wall in pure frustration when a voice startled me.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, phones are damn expensive these days."

_Tanya. _

I squeezed my eyes shut willing her to go away. I heard the door open to the locker room and I was grateful for once that my wish came true. Or so I thought. I turned around and she was still standing there.

"What do you want, Tanya?" I asked defeated, resigned to the fact that she would never leave me alone.

She pursed her lips before responding. "Well, it's not necessarily what I want, but what you need."

"What are you talking about?"

"You look like you could use a drink… or five. What do you say?" I stared at her, wondering what her game was. She rolled her eyes. "I don't want anything, Cullen. You look stressed. As a friend and a colleague, I thought I would offer."

"I wouldn't call you a friend, but yeah I really could use a drink." I took my lab coat off and placed it in my locker. I grabbed my jacket and we were off to the nearest bar.

Four hours later we were still at the bar and I was drunk off my ass.

Tanya who had been sitting next to me for the past three hours and fifty nine minutes was somehow on my lap and my hand was on her ass. Drunk as I was, I still knew something was wrong with the picture. The ass didn't feel right. It wasn't Bella's and god, did she have a great ass.

Tanya squirmed on my lap. "Why, thank you! I never thought you noticed before." I gave her my best confused look I could muster. "My ass, you said I had a great ass."

"Huh?" She rolled her eyes and pointed to her my hand on her ass. I realized then my inner monologue wasn't working and I was talking out loud. "Ohhhhhhhh…" I shook my head, "I meant Bella has a great ass."

Tanya frowned, or maybe it was a scowl. "Well, it's not nice to talk about another woman in the presence of a gorgeous one like myself. Don't you agree?" I nodded stupidly. "Besides, isn't Bella out gallivanting around Seattle with that boyfriend of hers? What's his name again? Jacob?"

My jaw clenched at the mention of that dog's name. He was worming himself into Bella's life and I just knew he was trying to get me out of the picture.

"You know," Tanya continued, "He does have magic fingers and he certainly fixed the problems under my hood." She winked, but I barely registered it because I was only focused on her words. _Fingers_. _Hood_. But then that wink… Was she telling me what I thought she was? Jacob and Bella?

I waved my hand at the passing bartender and ordered two shots of tequila. When they arrived, I swallowed them both quickly not even bothering to offer one to Tanya. I was pissed. Bella wouldn't do that to me. I knew she wouldn't.

"So, what do you think Jacob and Bella do with all this time they're together?" Tanya asked sucking on a cherry stem. Where the fuck did she get a cherry stem from and what was she doing with her tongue? I stared dumbly at her mouth. "Well?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, T?" I scowled.

"Oh, it's just T now? We're on much friendlier terms now aren't we?" She leaned in close. I could feel her breath on my neck. "How much fun do you think your fiancé and her little friend are having right now?" she whispered in my ear.

"What are you getting at?"

"Come on, Eddie," she patted my chest. "We just spent all this time talking, well you were complaining, about Bella spending so much time with Jacob and not you. You must have some idea of what's going on or else you wouldn't talk about it so much, no?"

Images of my Bella and Jacob together swarmed through my head. _Him_ giving her a massage, the times I came home and _he_ was feeding her from the pot. Then other images bombarded me. Bella naked with Jacob between her legs, Bella kneeling in front of Jacob. Those weren't real. They couldn't be…

"I need to get out of here," I said pushing Tanya off of me. "I need to go home."

Tanya placed a hand on my chest. "Whoa there, big boy! You can't go home like that. You reek of alcohol. Do you really think Bella would appreciate you coming home drunk?" She asked scrunching her nose.

"Fuck! I-" I ran my hand through my hair. She was right. I couldn't face Bella in the condition I was in.

"Come on, I'll take you back to my place," she suggested. Even drunk, I knew what that meant.

"No, I can't do that," I slurred. I ran my hand across my face. Numb. I was gone. "I can't…"

"Fine, I'll take you back to the hospital," she sneered. "Lean on me, I don't think you can walk right now."

She was particularly coherent, at least she sounded like it, so I followed her instructions placing my arm around her shoulders and letting her lead me out the bar.

We arrived back at the hospital in record time. Tanya helped me into one of the on call rooms. I heard the click of the lock but thought nothing of it. I climbed onto of the beds and closed my eyes.

"Uh uh, we need to get those clothes off, don't want you wrinkling them right? We'll just put some scrubs on you or something." She grabbed my hands and pulled me into a sitting position. She stood between my legs and began to unbutton my shirt.

The gesture was so familiar to me. Bella would undress me the same way. I thought about her and swore I could smell strawberries around me. I wrapped my arms around her nuzzling my face into her stomach.

"Thank you, baby. Thank you for taking care of me," I mumbled.

"Oh, it's my pleasure," she said. The voice was off, trying to sound sexy. Bella never had to try before; she always was, even in her innocence, but she pulled my shirt off and straddled me and any misgivings I had disappeared. "Oh, someone's happy to see me."

"Always for you, baby."

"I knew you had it in you, and damn, do you have it in you," she said grinding into me. She kissed my neck up to my ear and sucked on my ear lobe. "You ready for me?" I must have nodded because soon I was on my back. "I've been waiting for this forever."

**%%%**

My head was pounding; my mouth was dry. I felt like a boxing match went on in my head during the night. It was not the best way to wake up and I didn't even know what had woken me up anyway.

The door rattled.

Right, someone was trying to get in. But why? I never locked the door of the bedroom, it would only be Bella anyway and judging by the weight on my body, she was right next to me.

I felt her move and cuddle closer to me. I turned my head slightly and winced, even that small movement causing the pounding to increase.

What the fuck happened last night?

"Mmmm, Eddie, are you ready for me now?" Bella leered while moving her thigh over my erection.

My eyes snapped opened at the voice that so obviously wasn't Bella's. I quickly closed them and groaned at the bright light in the room. I covered my eyes to protect them and slowly opened them behind my hand. I turned to the voice and peeked through my fingers.

Strawberry blonde hair, fake tan, fake nails. This was not Bella.

I scrambled away from Tanya. What the fuck was she doing in bed with me? I looked down at her body. What was she doing in bed with me practically naked? I took in my surroundings and realized we weren't in my bedroom after all, but in the on call room.

"Tanya, get the fuck up!" I yelled, wincing at my own voice.

"What?" she mumbled. "Why are you yelling? I'm right next to you."

"Get up! Get up, now!" I demanded pushing her further away from me. "Explain to me why you're naked next to me."

She stared at me, mouth slightly agape. "You're just as naked as I am, Eddie," she seethed.

I looked down and sure enough I was almost naked. I, fortunately, still had my boxers on under the sheets – I couldn't say the same for her.

"What the fuck happened last night, Tanya?" I growled through clenched teeth.

"You seriously don't remember?"

"If I remembered, I wouldn't be fucking asking you. Now tell me what happened," I repeated.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, a nasty habit of hers that I wished she would stop doing. "You were feeling depressed about Bella and that Jacob guy hanging out so we went for drinks," she began.

I vaguely remembered going to the bar and complaining about Jacob to Tanya. "And then?"

"And then you got drunk and we came back here and…" she trailed off.

"And?" I asked expectantly.

"And…" she gestured at our state of undress.

"We fucked last night?" I asked disgusted with the idea of even getting near her.

"You are clueless. Why else would we be naked in bed together?" She stood up and I quickly averted my eyes. "Oh, don't be shy now."

"I really don't want to see," I spat out.

"Whatever," she began getting dressed, picking up her clothes from a neatly folded pile. Huh. "I'm disappointed in you. I helped you get over your issues and you can't even remember what we did?"

I still couldn't wrap around my head that I had done anything with this woman who I have held little to no interest in all these years. I always shot down her advances, no matter how tired or annoyed, yet in a moment of weakness I accepted? It didn't make sense.

"By the way," she threw my phone at me, "that thing was ringing all night. You might want to check your messages," she smirked. She smoothed away the wrinkles in her outfit and unlocked the door. "Maybe next time you won't forget," she said before walking out.

The door closed behind her and I heard her speaking. "Oh, hey Lauren. No, don't go in there. Dr. Cullen is still getting dressed."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was going to pretend that she hadn't insinuated that we had been in the room together this whole time. Opening my eyes, I looked down at my phone.

Twelve missed calls, four messages. All from Bella.

What the fuck had I just done?

* * *

**September 2008**

"_Doutor! Ajudar! Minha esposa!"_

I looked up from my desk at the small man shouting at me from the doorway.

"_Por favor_!" He continued anxiously wringing his hands together. I was so immersed in my work it took me a moment to process what he was saying. His wife… his wife…

I stood up quickly, recognized Diego and pushed past him towards the sounds of a woman pain. I ran down the hallway of the small clinic and found his wife, Mercedes hunched over, obviously in labor. I cursed wishing I hadn't sent Senna home early. I scrubbed my hands as quickly as possible and prepared to deliver the new addition to the family. Thankfully, this was the third child for Mercedes; it was a quick and effortless delivery.

An hour later I was back in my makeshift office scrutinizing all the paper in front of me. I was overwhelmed and I sometimes wondered what in the hell I had been thinking making the move. When I heard the cries from down the hall coming from the new born though, I smiled. No matter how frantic things became, all of it was all worth hearing those cries.

I hoped one day I would be able to hear the cries of my own child – my and Bella's child. Well one could dream anyway...

* * *

**Translations:**

_**Doutor**_** – doctor**

_**Atadura**_** – band aids**

_**Ordenar**_** – order**

_**Obrigado**_** – Thank you**

_**De nada**_** – you're welcome**

"_**Olá, Nahuel, como vai? Como você se sente?"**_** - Hello, Nahuel, how are you? How do you feel?**

_**muito importante – **_**very important**

"_**Doutor! Ajudar! Minha esposa!" – **_**"Doctor! Help! My wife!"**

"_**Por favor!" – **_**Please!**

**To any of my Brazilian readers out there, if you see errors in these translations, please let me know and I will gladly correct them.**

**So… How do you feel about Edward now?**


End file.
